Having a hard time making female friends, can anyone relate?

Recently, I was conversing with a woman on a site I met her on. My boyfriend arranged for us to meet as a bday present for me her and I did hit it off plus I had a romantic interest in her too. Anyway, the friendship didn't last it would have been 2 months this month and the reason why I ended it she lied and wasn't being honest with us/me. She excluded my boyfriend out of the picture saying if you have questions please speak to my daddy.

Her man is a male best friend from MN they have a lot of history all he is a **** buddy who moved into her house. Yea, she made this issue between her and I as women a problem because she put a man in between us. Her man was already familiar with me online, then I invited him to meet us and have a bday party for my boyfriend. She said women too have to go through her daddy (they are close in age she is 38 he is 37). Her excuse to me was she was lonely and ovulating ever since her male best friend came into town that's when she stopped talking to my man and I well she did talk to her just less talking.

I ended the friendship by email, although, I wanted to do it in person I would need permission from her daddy and that is a hell no. I didn't yell/scream at her told her how my boyfriend felt and how I felt. I told her she needs to take responsibility and make things right since she found out I was jealous about her that she didn't bother to come talk to me in person about it. She was so busy ****ing the nearest **** she got after she cheated on her ex bf with her male friend since she was having relationship issues with him. I don't hate her, I do miss her but I don't wanna be friends like this and told her we will not an option when it is convenient for you.

I never was interested in the same thing other girls/women were interested in. I grew up as an only child in a neighborhood of mostly guys back in the 50's......I always preferred playing baseball in the street or climbing fences with the guys to playing with stupid dolls in the house or playing house. As I grew up my interests never did connect with women & I ended up in a computer engineering career which was also a career with very few women in it only more by the 1990's. I always played racquetball with the guys because women weren't capable of playing a challenging game as the men were.

I always hated going to parties & listening to women talking about nothing but their children even though we had our daughter, I always was in with the guys talking work & computers.....it was just where my mind was at & I know that a lot of it was because I swore growing up that I would be NOTHING like my mother....but my mother didn't have any friends but she also had no interests outside of her house because she wasn't able to drive & her lack of self-confidence & lack of self-esteem limited her to a very shallow life dependent totally on my dad for everything.....swore I would be nothing like her & didn't want to be anything like my father either...so I struck out on my own trying to figure out what I was going to end up making my own life like.

It's only been since I left my H & moved 2100 miles away from anyone I ever knew that I have finally found wonderful women friends along with wonderful guy friends to enjoy being with....but basically I'm still very independent owning my own farm & determined to take care of on my own as best I can.....I do my own car repair when I can & repair my own equipment & things around the house unless it's something I absolutely can't do myself.....things that most women wouldn't even consider doing....& most of the women who I am friends with are very helpless to take care of themselves in so many ways......so I enjoy the things that I do have in common with them I enjoy the differences also letting them be what they are & not making any deal out of them....we accept each other for who & what we are without any judgments & that's what I enjoy the most.....& the guy friends I have do the same....we each live out own lives while connecting with the important things that we have in common for interests........I like the way life has changed & I love the people who are now a part of my life & whose lives I am a part of also.

Never having had friends to keep in contact with...it's something that I tend to struggle with a bit knowing when to contact & when I'm really not wanting to bother them or interrupt them from things they are doing.....I'm learning better how to communicate & keep friendships going & alive....it's been a learning process after the 33 years I lived in a bad marriage with an antisocial H.......striking out on my own again & learning who I really am & what my interests really are.....has been a challenge at this age....but I am finally loving life & finding every part of it to be wonderful including the wonderful people that are a caring part of my life.

Thank you for that inspiring story!

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Men don't seem to ditch their male friends for a girl that much like women ditch their friends for a guy that is happening too much. I think a lot of women don't seem to know how to split their time with boyfriend and friends. I had a friend who was with her boyfriend and his friends all the time, she only came back when they had fights and when they broke up. Women need to be brought up to split your time equally and give some space when you are with your boyfriend.[/QUOTE]

I agree! I haven't been on here in awhile since we went on a trip over a month ago, then I got sick after that. I'm O.K now. I had lots of fun! Anyways, I agree with what you said. Sorry to hear about that one friend. You don't need toxic people who lie to you in your life. It does seem as if to many women just use their friends as temporary companions until some guy comes along. It's astounding to how so many women in general will stick like glue to a guy, even to the ones that treat them like **** at times.

I've heard of guys being this way too, but it's far less common for guys to ditch their guy friends for a woman. It's quite pathetic really.

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Why are you scared of girls? I used to be more anxious around other women since I thought that they'd be more likely to judge and or/ridicule me, but not so much anymore. I was bullied a lot by other females, some of them used to be my friends when I was younger, but I try to remind myself these days that not all women are going to end up being back stabbers, two-faced, fake, snotty, and judgmental. There are some decent and kind women out there, but they're hard to find, at least for me.

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Hi, sorry for the slow response. I haven't been on here for over a month. I'm glad to hear that you found a social group to where you were able to find some nice women that you have a few things in common with-

What social site did you join? I just joined a new one, and I have only gotten one lady to respond to me more than once out of six women that I contacted. It's weird to how they gave me their number right away, and I gave them mine, but they never contacted me. Oh well. Hopefully things will work out with this one woman. She's quiet too. Thanks for your suggestions.

I need to get out there more and go to more meetup groups. Sometimes the constant rejection gets to be so draining, that I kind of give up before getting really lonely, then the process starts all over again. I tend to have a tough time finding women that want to be my friend for some reason, ugh! Being shy and introverted doesn't help matters any!

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Wow, that women sound toxic! Sorry to hear that! You did the right thing by ending the friendship. Lying to friend is not O.K. It sounds like she cares more about getting a guy then having friends. Those kind of women suck! In her case, she literally sucks, LOL!

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Hi, that's great that you managed to make some friends after all this time, especially female friends. I also find that some women tend to talk WAY to MUCH about their kids, their b.f's and husbands, and their jobs ad nauseum! There is more to life than those three things! Also, I'm sorry to hear about your bad marriage.

It's great that you're so independent, and so accepting of other people. How did you meet these women that you're now friends with? As for your mom, my mom is the same way. She's paranoid of other people, but you'd never know that since she's outwardly friendly to most people. All she has is my dad, my sister, and I. My dad controls her too sadly, and my younger sister mostly uses her to buy her stuff and to pay for her meals when they go out.

Sorry to hear about your bad marriage. It's great that you got out of it. I'm glad to hear that you're doing better now.

It was an interesting meeting. I had actually brought my H to my new farm & my daughter for the first Christmas here. My daughter could only stay for 3 days & my H, I was trying to give a chance to see if a change in location would help him as much as it did me (that didn't happen & the fighting got even worse)....but in the mean time, I had to get a new pain specialist here in KY because the pharmacy would no longer fill the prescriptions from California that I had been going back every few months to get....after 6 months they would no longer fill that type of prescription without it coming from a KY pain specialist....so I had my first appointment with this new MD....& we had some very interesting discussions about our Christian beliefs.....so I left his office & on the way back to my farm from the city, I noticed there was a Hobby Lobby......I can't pass up craft stores & had never seen one with so many things even in Calif. As I was browsing around, I ran into this lady who was working there & we hit if off & just started talking about EVERYTHING while she was still trying to work.....but when I left she had invited me to a Bible Study that sounded really good & they were just starting to meet that next Saturday, so I went. We got to know each other & found we had a lot in common (including bad marriages that we left). We started to get together once in awhile & she had other friends from her church & I got to know them through the Bible study & we all just started getting together & enjoying the company. There are 5 of us that get together. One of the ladies had a kidney transplant & we were all there for her.....& another lady moved to No. Carolina & I just helped haul some of her things from her storage unit in my horse trailer. It's not always that easy for me because I was so used to being alone for so long & not having friends, I'm not always used to calling or getting in touch with them for fear I would be interrupting their lives & the one lady I met at Hobby Lobby has this need to not be the one who always calls because then she thinks that she's forcing the friendship & doing all the work....so I'm learning & growing in how to be an equal part in friendships. The most amazing thing happened though with the lady that I first met. The second winter I lived here alone we had a huge ice storm that took out my electricity for a week. I had 6 dogs I was taking care of & my neighbor's 20+ horses as they lived in another city & couldn't drive the roads. After several nights of dealing with that & having no way to heat the house or have electricity, I was using those battery operated candles & around 4am, I woke up with the worst panic attack...the walls were closing in on me & I had no water to take a hot shower with which is the only thing that helps my panic attacks. Anyway, I get this call at 4:30am...it was my friend & she said that she had woken up out of her sleep & had this sense from God that she needed to call me to see if I was ok. Earlier that day I had almost ended up in hypothermia because of all the work it took to feed the horses & hike over to take care of them through my farm. I had been sweating so bad & was so hot but then it was so cold in my house & I was afraid to change my cloths until I realized I needed to seriously get on dry cloths....after that I stopped shivering & started to warm up...but it was a scary feeling....so the panic attack that night I'm sure was just a follow on from that earlier experience. Anyway, we stayed on the phone until it started getting morning light....& she invited me & a couple of my dogs to come & stay for an overnight that night & have a hot shower & get cleaned up & have some food that was more than I could make on my one burner unit that I had pulgged into my generator. It was quite an experience. At the beginning of the week I was struggling also to get my prescription. Had problems dealing with the patient assistance & the MD & it was just a mess...got it straightened out the first morning of the ice storm & I had 3 inches of ice on the windshield of my truck. I chipped some off so I could see about the size of a baseball & thought if I got the defrost going it would melt the rest...LOL...I had never experienced a real ice storm before in my life.....so when I tried to drive into town, I never got out of my driveway....took out my mail box & ended up in the ditch next to the driveway & couldn't get it out even with 4x4.....at that point I was at a loss of what to do.....but this little voice inside said....go out to the street & flag down the next vehicle that comes by headed to town.....go figure, it was my pharmacist whose farm is just a little ways farther out of town than where my farm is. I gave him my prescription & he headed to work...but he said he wasn't going to be heading home until after 10pm.....however just around noon, I got a knock on my door & it was a neighbor who had stopped at the pharmacy & my pharmacist gave him my prescription to bring to me & he helped me get my truck unstuck. What an interesting way to meet neighbors but they have all been so wonderfully kind & helpful. I actually needed help getting the generator out of the box & set up as it was too heavy for me...I called on a neighbor & he had a guy he knew who stopped by, got it set up & was gone...poof.....that's just the way everyone is here....they all help each other & it's a wonderful community....so they got to know me a little & I got to know them also.....& it was also a way of opening up to the community as the community banded together to help each other.

I also have met many wonderful good friends through all the horse activities I'm involved in & we help each other all the time also & we just get together to socialize & do fun things together in support of each other also. Lots of common interests with the horses & our art activities. Its like what I always imagined a small caring community would be like....but never thought it was real living in Los Angeles all my life.

I was riding with a friend about 4 years ago & bailed off the horse when it spooked....ended up fracturing my back which I didn't realize until a few weeks after it happened though....& the ortho I went to said....can't do anything for 6 months for it to heal at my age. I could drive short distances & very carefully....had an appointment & when I came home...my front yard had been mowed....one of my friends had been over mowing the little chapel close to my home & stopped by with her mower on the way home & mowed the area in front of my house.....it's like everyone looks out after each other & we help when we are needed. I had never experienced that kind of caring before but it felt nice to do things for others for all the things that they helped me with. Amazing how friendships grow out of communities like this.

Sad that your dad controls your mom. My dad was never controlling of my mom..but she was so dependent on him to do everything for her because she felt that she wasn't capable because of her eye sight yet the problem was that I never saw it handicap her in any way...but she mentally thought it did....probably why I didn't have that much tolerance for her situation & why I expected her to be like other moms.

Guess in reality, I was always independent because I had to be growing up or I wouldn't have been able to do anything because I couldn't depend on my parents for anything other than house & food & clothing.....my needs as far as survival went but that was as far as it went. I had to figure out my way & make my way in all the other area of my life & I wasn't anything like my parents (thank heavens)...LOL..my mom would joke about that at times that she would say they had to have swapped babies in the hospital because I was nothing like them personality wise. My parents didn't have any friends until they got to know the parents of the one friend I met in junior high & was friends with until after we got married. But I understand why especially with my dad. He never knew what was really going in in the world around him but he would end up arguing with people rather than discussing it & he would say the stupidest things....I was always so embarrassed even as a child to be anywhere out in public with them. Looking back, I wonder if my dad was dealing with the same thing I realized my H was dealing with only about a year ago when I did deeper research into what one of my psychologists when I first moved here had suggested it sounded like.

It was strange because as soon as I got away from my H it was easy to make friends but he was so much like my dad in so many ways but I had thought that with his education there would be no way he could be like my dad because I thought my dad's problems came from lack of education....but now I realize it was a LOT more than that...because education didn't stop my H from being very much like my dad in all the ways I disliked.....red flags were there at the beginning but I didn't know enough to understand what I was seeing & it just kept getting worse over the years until I was seeing red by the time I kicked him out of my farm after only a few weeks of being here.

It would have been easy to close myself up in my farm & never reach out but in this community it would have been more difficult & having interests that drug me out of my farm to enjoy & be around....that brought me to meeting people & I realized that I wasn't the one in the marriage that had the problems the more I was around other people who were normal I realized more & more that I wasn't the one with the problems. But for the last 13 years of my marriage, my depression was so horrible I lived mostly in psych hospitals. We all thought it was the loss of my career that caused the depression but that was the trigger, but bad marriage that I felt trapped in at that point was the real reason but I didn't realize that until after I left & had some really good therapy to help me process my life & also the financial mess he left me in after I finally did leave him. It's been a huge challenge trying to find the real me inside of all that crap & all the fighting I felt I had to do to get out of where I had been growing up with my parents. It's hard to be social with others when one feels like they have to fight for everything in life & it was sort of like that for women back in the 70's who didn't want to be stereotyped & get out of the normal place society still felt was where women belonged. The 70's were sort of the transition years....but that probably helped build my independence....but it doesn't develop a nice personality.

I think when I felt like I could stop fighting was when I calmed down & peace took over & I was finally able to learn who I really was & how I could interface with people & really have friends rather than always keeping them at a distance.

I really identify with this also - I think that I tend to assume I am bothering people, but then people interpret that as me being uninterested or unavailable. I am not sure how to find the balance.

I have found for my own experience that once a week being in contact is a good balance & more often if something comes up to share. I have also found that a quick text now & then to check in works also....like texting "Hi, just thinking about you"....that way with texting if they are busy they can see you are touching base & they can get back or not as time permits....it's become our workable system here.....however when I get really busy on my farm & I come in really late after dark & crash.....I end up just blowing off being good about communicating & then I will maybe text a message saying really busy & trying to keep going will talk to you when I have some time. Just so they don't feel like they are doing all the work in keeping the friendship going. I have come to LOVE texting for keeping in contact with people I don't have the time to talk to because talking usually runs into hours at a time & that's usually NOT possible.

Yea a mature woman would know how to split her time between friends and a man. A friend of mine said she sounds codependent she really wanted my friendship but excluded my boyfriend. She just needs her emotions in check she's still with the guy. She took no responsibility either she's 9 yrs older than me.

I agree! I haven't been on here in awhile since we went on a trip over a month ago, then I got sick after that. I'm O.K now. I had lots of fun! Anyways, I agree with what you said. Sorry to hear about that one friend. You don't need toxic people who lie to you in your life. It does seem as if to many women just use their friends as temporary companions until some guy comes along. It's astounding to how so many women in general will stick like glue to a guy, even to the ones that treat them like **** at times.

I've heard of guys being this way too, but it's far less common for guys to ditch their guy friends for a woman. It's quite pathetic really.[/QUOTE]

That's how I felt a temporary friend still wanted my friendship yet excluded my boyfriend. Why do women feel they can be friends with you but not include your boyfriend or you have to hang out with friend and her man? That's how I was starting to look at it like she wanted me to hang out with her and her man only. She came across clingy to me asking in text are you not speaking to me anymore?

I would like to be friends again but not this way not one sided. She never apologized to me never spoken to me in private. The woman is very shy but she has a responsibility to fix things on her end if she hurts a friend or friends.

I am not sure I agree with you about men being more loyal to their friends. Some men also seem to have a much more shallow relationship with their friends, for instance only meeting up to play Playstation but not really knowing much about each other. I am very loyal to my friends and I know plenty of others, both men and women, who are. I don't agree that women are necessarily "back-stabbers". I have seen guys double-cross their friends by making a move on the girl their friend is interested in while he's taking a piss, I have seen boys trying to make friends with girls only to get in their pants, ditching them the moment they realized they wouldn't. How is this a good, healthy friendship, or better than how some women act?

It's not about men or women. It's about whether or not people are nice. Women are raised to compete for men's interest in the society we live in, something which is sad and also rather sexist (as a woman's greatest accomplishment is landing a good man). I feel most people matured enough to not act like this after entering their 20s, but it seems like they didn't where you live?

Either way, this hostility/fear of women which some of you have, and seem to base partly on stereotypes, is not a good thing. It will push women who want to get friends with you away, and strengthen this vicious circle...

My career as a firmware design engineer was basically in those days a mostly male field & my interests & my work all related better with men than it did with women as I really didn't have that much interest in kids or house. Though I did enjoy playing in chamber groups with my flute & musicians were both male & female but even the sports I was involved in, I competed in racquetball with guys that were very high level players & most girls never played racquetball that hard so in tournaments & usually competed with the guys not the women. For me I just didn't have the same interests in my life as most women did so it seemed logical to have more acquaintance guy friends than it did women even while married & taking my marriage vows seriously even though it wasn't a good marriage. The guy friends I had weren't that close...they were more like acquaintances but they were still the ones I associated with & chatted with when I was out & doing anything social.

Even growing up I was one of the guys even with the guys they treated me like. It's just been in the last 8 years that I have found that there are women that I do have more in common with now & am able to share interests & have them as friends. I still enjoy being one of the guys. I have a real hard time with women who act helpless at times since there are very few things that I have found that I can't do as a women, it's hard for me to accept that other women can be so absolutely helpless about some things (even their own finances). Shoot, I'm even more capable at doing things than my H ever was but that's a whole other story.....maybe it's just hard for me to relate to people who are helpless in some areas whether male or female....it's the helpless that bothers me.

Maybe that's why I have found more friends that are women now because where I'm living in the farming area, there are many other women who have their own small farms also & are NOT helpless...& we have a lot to relate to each other with....for me it's having things that I relate to others with that forms the foundation for any friendship.

That is true. For me, if I see a woman who is more interested in her guy than her friends, what does that say about her? The problem is both men and women need to learn how to treat their friends better and women especially need to stop using other women as "temporary companions." I am not a temp companion and if they want that, they should get a dog to keep them company or something.

That's the kind of women I end up becoming friends with and attracting them always gotta put their man first and foremost like he's God!

I also can't make female friends or at least not keep them. I've noticed that it seems to be required to take a lot more effort to maintain a relationship with a girl anyway as they always get angry if you don't spend all your time and energy on them. Two guys can be best friends and they don't need to talk constantly and it's no big deal. I'd probably do better with being friends with guys but I'm not considered "one of the guys", so that's off the table. Not to mention it would be nice to have a maid of honor at my future wedding.

Besides, in my case, the friends I was trying to make abandoned ME when I first started dating my boyfriend. I tried to maintain the friendship I best as I could while navigating the first relationship I'd ever had in my life and while also beginning my doctorate. Yeah, I was busy. Like I said, I tried to continue the friendship but I was ignored so I stopped trying. And I haven't pursued relationships with women since. I have no idea how to be friends with a woman anyway apparently.

Ahh yes spend all your time on them. My ex friend from high school was pissed I got a bf while hers ended accused me of spending too much time with my bf yet she spent all of her time with friends of hers that I know and don't like.
She blew me off a lot I was willing to spend time with her she was always a poor friend anyway. I'm glad that useless friendship she tried to add me on Facebook last summer I said hell no and blocked her.

I love women friendships but not at the point where it smothers me. Spend all your time on them yep sounds codependent I wanna break away and get away from that.

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Wow, you're so lucky to have true friends who were there for you at the right time! I doubt that anyone that I know would go out of their way for me. Well, one friend did let me stay at her place for a few days when my husband and I had a bad fight, and one former friend lent me $100 w/o me asking for it. But to make a long story short, she can't let me stay over again since her dad told her to not involve herself in any situation would could become dangerous, ugh!

Your friends are keepers for sure! You're lucky when it comes to that! Sorry to hear about your parents. Mine were kind of the same way.

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I have the opposite problem. Maybe some people might think that I'm too "needy" or that I require more attention or time then they want to give to me. I don't see myself as being needy. It's not as if constantly call or email most people except for the ones that like to email me back often.

I asked my husband that if he thinks I act like an ice queen, would I maybe have more friends? He said probably. WTH? That makes no sense to me at all. It seems like making friends involve a lot of game playing and B.S. I even read an article on social anxiety about how people might perceive you as being a low status person per se for always being available.

It seems as if most people tend to place higher value on those who are viewed as more unavailable or hard to make friends with. SMH! I would never try to make friends with someone who always seemed to be to unavailable, not interested in me, or who had no time for me. I don't need friends so badly that I'll always be the one chasing them. To hell with that stupid B.S and that old oh, I'm so much better than you, and you're not really worth giving much thought to if at all, ugh!

So I'm trying to find some balance too. On the flip side, when you're kind of a loner like me, people tend to assume that you don't like them, or that you're not that interested in them if you happen to turn down to many invites, ugh! I only did that with acquaintances in the past.

I feel like giving up on even trying to make friends at times! It feels like work (to which I'm usually doing the most of the time) which sucks!

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That's good advice. However, I find that most people won't even extend me that courtesy! Sometimes they take a couple days or a few hours to text me back if they even do at all! It's a wonder how some people even manage to have friends being either that busy, or that thoughtless and uncaring that they'd do that. Of course, people DO get busy at times, but when someone is constantly taking their sweet time to get back to you, then it shows how little they actually care about you. Once that happens to often, I give up on them.

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You're right about what you said about men. However, it seems that in general, that a woman is more likely to try to steal another friends b.f, or another woman's husband. I've had two former friends do this with married men. I thought that was awful, desperate, and sleazy. They'd justify their actions by saying that they're not in love anymore.

The ironic thing is that both women were cheated on before, but then they think that it's fine for them to do the same thing. WTH? That isn't the main reason why I'm no longer friends with them though. They were both basically just selfish and thoughtless most of the time. I can't deal with that. They weren't like that to much when I first knew them though, so that's weird.

As for being hostile and fearful, do you think that I'm one of these women? If so, what makes you think that? Honestly, I'm more annoyed than anything that my kindness isn't being reciprocated and that I keep on being rejected for some odd reason most of the time. Maybe subconsciously I think that they're going to reject me as I was badly bullied and stabbed in the back numerous times by numerous female "friends", and some of the more popular girls in Jr. High and a couple of times in h.s. A few guys were mean to me as well, but the girls were the most vicious. They turned any friend that I managed to make away from me. I never really did or said anything to them, so I don't know why I was their target. One day a former friend applied for a job at the place I worked at.

I was a receptionist at the time, so I refused to let her see one of the people there or to transfer her to someone that she needed to talk to after she got hired until she told me why she ended bullying me for no apparent reason. She then told me it was because I was different. WTH? Ugh! So, maybe I'm just to different to be liked and accepted? Why is that such a bad thing?

Also, my mom and my sister were critical of me growing up, so there was no escaping my living hell at that time.

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It says that she is insecure, needy, and that maybe she needs financial support and lots of validation. It could also mean that she has a very high sex drive, so that might explain a need to always have a man around maybe?

I agree with everything that you said! Women should never use other women as temporary companions, or use them as pawns to meet other men as that's just lame! It does seem as if some women do treat their b.f's and husbands like God! lol!

One former friend would get up super early every morning to fix her b.f breakfast. She has a stressful job, but she'd act like she's his mother. She'd even buy him clothes and let him stay at her place rent free since it's closer to where he works.

Wow, if only more men did that for women, most of us would be so much happier! I rarely here about men going out of their way for most women! Why are so many women so damn desperate for approval from men?

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You'e better off w/o a so called friend like that. What exactly did she do that made you think that she was smothering you and being codependent aside from the fact that she accused you of spending to much time with your b.f?

I was accused of being smothering once by a former best friend. She could go for months w/o talking to some friends, so it wasn't me I think. We just had different needs.

Very few men would do that. I agree if more men did that make our lives better. Women have been taught to bend over backwards for centuries without considering our feelings.

She does work money is tight 4 her not surprised if her new man took over her house! Fickle women even if they are older than me still act like teen girls.