I put a trigger warning on this thread just in case because I describe this situation darkly . I have a huge aversion to people staring at me. I don't like to be touched, looked at, etc., but I put up with it because I know it's normal. I don't know why I'm like this. However, what I can't stand is when people look at me to "check me out." Uhhhhh... I really can't. I don't like to look at others at all, except their faces, so I can't relate to this. I feel very uncomfortable when it comes to peoples' bodies being shown off in a sexualized way. Other than that, I could care less what the other people look like. I view the body in a very non-sexualized way. The worst part for me, however, is that I heard that women "stare" at other women's breasts and such... in order to compare themselves or degrade the other women. It makes me sick to my stomach. I sometimes worry too that the other woman is actually gay (which I have no problem with) and is checking me out because they are attracted to me. Other than that, I just feel like other women have no right to be looking at such "sensitive" areas of me. Why would they care so much how other women look sexually that they'd have to compare? I think one of the reasons I dislike so much when women do this is because they seem to be saying with their eyes, "You are a sex object for males, and I have the right to stare angrily at your body and be angry with you because you might be a more coveted sex object than me." First of all, I don't like sex at all. Second of all, I don't want myself or other women to be seen as only as powerful as how many men they can get the attention of . Women can do so much more than use men...

Is there anyone here who does this? I'd really like to hear the other end of this, especially if I'm blowing it out of proportion .

[gayleggg]

I'm female and the only time I stare at another woman's boobs is when they wear clothes that are obivious to be flaunting it. I'm very embarrassed when I see women with their boobs barely covered obviously asking to be looked at.

Thanks gayleggg. I feel the same way, except I do the opposite. When they wear clothes like that, I look away from their boobs as much as I can in order not to look!

[HeavyFeather]

The other day at the grocery I saw a woman in seam splitting tight pants. I wasnt jealous but ended up telling my bf how she made me sad. Mind you I am a highly sensitive person. While conversing I cried on how I felt bad for the woman. Why would she do this to herself, putting herself out there -which in turn made me feel almost uncomfortable yet sad for her. Im sure Im weird to some, but I think more so I see things differently.

[hamster-bamster]

Originally Posted by Breezy~Day

I'd really like to hear the other end of this, especially if I'm blowing it out of proportion .

You are blowing it out of proportion quite a lot, and, you are also very cerebral about it. Plus, the highly cerebral "theory" you have put together is simplistic. I do not know if that is possible, but you can just drop this train of thought altogether and be relaxed, that would solve the problem. I realize that you may not be able to control the thought process, so I am just offering this as a possible, but not necessarily feasible, solution.

+ women can look at breasts of other women because they appreciate their beauty

+ breasts are the ultimate symbol of comfort and nourishment - we are mammals right - and not just a sexual symbol. E.g. I really like when older women with large breasts wear blouses or dresses with a deep cleavage because it is just so comforting to me - I almost wish I could come and hug them. I was raised primarily by grandmothers, so that contributes to my personal view, but there are a million other reasons, viewpoints, preferences, etc.

Relax and breeze through your day, if you can. Smile more often and people will be looking at your face and not below the neck. The more gracious and open your smile, the more people of both genders will be drawn to your face.

[H3rmit]

Originally Posted by hamster-bamster

+ women can look at breasts of other women because they appreciate their beauty

+ breasts are the ultimate symbol of comfort and nourishment - we are mammals right - and not just a sexual symbol. E.g. I really like when older women with large breasts wear blouses or dresses with a deep cleavage because it is just so comforting to me - I almost wish I could come and hug them. I was raised primarily by grandmothers, so that contributes to my personal view, but there are a million other reasons, viewpoints, preferences, etc.

Hamster, that's so weird to me. But then people are weird, right? I fall into the other camp - I can't help looking when people have done some bizarre thing to make themselves obvious, but I share none of your comfortable or positive feelings about that body part. (I wish a had been a guy, so that is at least one connection.) Not to say I'm typical, but there is no one response here.

[hamster-bamster]

H3rmit, I have been going to public steam baths and public pools since very early on; my maternal grandmother took me to the pubic pool for the first time when I was not even in an elementary school. I started going to saunas together with a bunch of women my mom's age when I was in elementary school. I am more than comfortable with female nudity and know very well how that nudity looks in reality, and not in an airbrushed form.

That is one factor.

I have spent a total of 8 full years nursing children. When a baby cries somewhere in the huge apartment complex where I live, and cries with that typical cry of hunger, my breasts swell and I have that physiological reaction of, basically, meaning to feed the child. This is so even though I weaned the last child 10 (!) years ago.

That must be another important factor.

Obviously, in re: people doing some bizarre things to make themselves obvious, I do try to avoid looking at breast implants . The reason is - I am afraid that I would not help grinning at the ridiculous shape, texture etc. of the implant as well as the lack of proportion between the implant and the overall shape of its owner, and that the woman would notice my grinning and be upset. So when I see implants (I go to Korean steambaths and there are quite a few women with implants there), I make a conscious effort to look away.

[hamster-bamster]

Originally Posted by Breezy~Day

The worst part for me, however, is that I heard that women "stare" at other women's breasts and such... in order to compare themselves or degrade the other women. It makes me sick to my stomach.

Don't believe everything you hear.

Staring is impolite, and because most people are polite - men and women - most people do not stare. There is a certain duration of looking at people whom one does not know that is polite - too long is staring. Most people naturally know not to look for too long.

How one can stare to degrade is completely beyond my understanding.

The worrisome part in your post is that you do not rely on your own observations but instead on something you have heard and not verified.

[norwegianwoman]

I feel the same, Breezy~Day. I know it is silly, but it feels degrading to be looked at like a piece of meat - because I know it is only my body being looked at, not me. It is just the shell of me, the "container", and I hate being reduced to that. I think hamster is lucky to see things the way she does, but it's not as easy as just getting a grip on yourself or relaxing - especially not when I hear others, particularly boys, of around my own age talking about strange women they see on the street. It's shocking and almost sickening, and it makes you think they only see these women as some sort of **** dolls. Which provokes me.

All of this has even made it troublesome for me to go out or to hook up, because I get obsessed with the thought that whomever is just interested in my body (unless we talk a lot about interesting stuff and we connect) and that I could just aswell have been any other girl, it doesn't matter because my body is all he cares about. Especially concerning casual hook-ups.

Other people tell me: Why is this so bad? But I can't really explain it. It's exactly like you feel that I feel, it somehow goes against my moral compass of the body being pretty irrelevant when it comes to people, and it goes against my feelings of personal integrity. It feels like someone putting their hands on me and groping me all over.

[hamster-bamster]

Originally Posted by norwegianwoman

especially not when I hear others, particularly boys, of around my own age talking about strange women they see on the street. It's shocking and almost sickening, and it makes you think they only see these women as some sort of **** dolls.

That they talk this way says nothing about how they feel or what they think. They most likely talk this way because they believe that they are expected to talk this way. A big difference. In other words, they are playing a game according to the rules that are shared in an unspoken form. They may think that unless they talk in this way, they would not be accepted as "club members" - in other words, they may talk this way out of insecurity and a desire to belong to a group; fit in.

The same point applies - do not believe everything you hear people say or write; apply critical judgment.

[H3rmit]

Originally Posted by hamster-bamster

H3rmit, I have been going to public steam baths and public pools since very early on; my maternal grandmother took me to the pubic pool for the first time when I was not even in an elementary school. I started going to saunas together with a bunch of women my mom's age when I was in elementary school. I am more than comfortable with female nudity and know very well how that nudity looks in reality, and not in an airbrushed form.

I'm comfortable with bodies, but I just don't share your warm experiences and feelings about them. I don't have kids, and never wanted any. Just different strokes.

[SnailLover]

I don't like people staring at me either but for other reasons. I've had a few incidences of being assaulted, people trying to pull me into their car, stalked, etc. I feel if people are staring at me I may be a target for some sort of future abuse. It is rare I feel safe enough to go walking alone. I used to dress nicely but would always get cat calls everytime I was out and that literally scared me. So now I dress like a slob in baggy clothing and nothing showing. If I'm with my husband no one makes those calls and I feel safer.

When I would dress in dresses or anything that might show clevage I felt uncomfortable, because I do realise people are looking or rather staring. Men talk to my boobs and they aren't even that big nor impressive. It makes me feel like an object and I hate it.

[Nightside of Eden]

There are some men who will stare in a lecherous way, but IME this is a pretty small minority, so I suspect your anxiety is making you see stares that aren't really there.

[ladytiger]

I love a woman's body. I have stared at other women's bodies comparing mine to theirs especially if they got a body to die for or boobs to die for! I stare even when they are revealing more than they should but it's not my body to worry about. Like last night, I was staring at a woman's boobs I thought they were beautiful....