Feeling insecure in my relationship

Hello ladies. I have been feeling so down with my boyfriend as I feel insecure in our relationship. He's a great guy very respectful always there when you need him. He's known I've been bi since we met but I get a surge of anger and jealousy when he just talks with women.

He always let me know who he talks with and I don't want to be controlling he has a right to talk to whoever. My fears stem from what if he leaves me? I have a fear of abandonment issue resulting from childhood. What if he fancies another woman? He is not cheating on me at all he does enjoy having a social life.

I bottle up my emotions I have spoken to him about this issue a lot. He reassures me all the time it pains me I'm not a secure woman in my own relationship. I had to watch a lousy narc mom be beyond insecure in her useless marriage.

Question is how do you become a secure woman? I see a therapist for sexual abuse issues sigh so tired of therapy and being a basket case when is that gonna end? I don't have a positive model of a secure woman. I know a woman told me to always know your worth.

Are you in therapy?

I feel the same way...I am in a shaky relationship..He talks to other wormen and hides the phone when I walk up..I am insecure and feel like he will leave at any time.

I said I see a therapist for sexual abuse, so yea, I am in therapy. Geez! I have seen a previous therapist that was a total disaster. I'm not in therapy for relationship problems....

I'm not certain that it's an absolute, the idea of 'always' being strong and secure. Relationships involve two people. On any given day, either or both can have off days.
The need for reassurance however is something that can be looked at on its own. Symbolizes a level of dependency as a means of viewing your own self worth as dependent on his and your relationship. For instance, if the relationship crumbles, so would your sense of self and identity. That's not a fun place to be. It gives him, even if he doesn't want it, too much power over how you feel on a day to day, moment to moment basis. You are more than your relationship.
Ever heard the expression, Do your own thing, or I'll be me or I'll do me, you do you. That last one is urban slang.
There's dependence, independence and interdependence. The later, is the end goal in a relationship.
Find yourself outside of the relationship, your identity, that is and you'll find security. And in finding security, you may find what it is that is not only touching a wound ,but also what need is unmet.

Ahh that makes sense. I'm always attached to him as I find him safe. In group settings I go to him first before saying hi to others. When I go somewhere without him I feel lost I would get nervous and be holding myself since I don't have my safety net being him. That's my abandoned feelings come into play...

I hope this makes sense, but have you ever thought that maybe the problem isn't about feeling insecure in your relationship, but rather it's insecurity Towards yourself?

I used to feel, EXACTLY like you did years ago when I was younger and had my first proper relationship (he ended up being a boyfriend of 6 years and the father to my child). I was that insecure i would bottle this rage and jealously up in myself, that I couldnt even stand it when he became friends with girls on Facebook, glanced at porn magazines in shops, or even when we watched a film together and there was a hot woman in it just incase he preferred her over me!

In the end, the guy was abusive and treated me like ****, and looking back, he was the reason for most of my insecurities (another story for another time). But the raw anxiety and jealousy and paranoia dispersed over time when I started to make friends with who I was, and realised that "if they were to cheat/message/talk to other women etc, then it was THEIR loss, not mine!"

You are talking of the positive woman role model who you are seeking, but lovely, it takes time and experience and realism to really see that that woman is nobody but yourself. For me, it took a lot of pain and inappropriate choices to deal with the situation (especially when it came to harming and punishing myself), but when I looked in to who I really was on the inside, I realised it was me who was the most important person I will ever spend time with in my life, and when I saw the door slip open for self love and worth, that's when the changes started happening. All that time and effort looking after myself, and now it doesn't hurt a fraction as much. Look within. There's someone inside waiting to be loved by you x