Is anyone else ill at ease with their BF/spouse having online friendships with women? How do you feel about this What do you choose to do? Whatare your experiences?

I ended up on the same self publishing website as my BF. The first thing I noticed was the only friends on his list were women. The next thing I notice is the profil pics of most of them are extremely provocative, some nearly pornographic.

Now we already had a go round when I previously discovered inappropriate friendships and behaviour online.

So what was I to think?

Then I see by his online status he is on the website for hours at a time nearly every night - even nights I am asleep in his bed. I see that he has lied to me saying he has gone to bed at one time yet his status shows he's on the website for hours after that. The man hasn't published a story for a year. SO WHAT IS HE DOING THEN?

What am I supposed to think?

Now his phone.... he left his ipad open infront of me and it is apparently sinced to his cellphone. He went out for several hours and he received text after text after text from women. With the ipad infront of my face I could not help but read their sides of the conversations. It was upsetting the conversations I was construing in my head. Some of these were asking to meet up. They seemed far to personal and certainly were not professional conf=versations in nature.

Sigh. I broke up with him but he is accusing me of jumping to the wrong conclusions. He is accusing me of my mental health being the cause for my lack of trust.

I don't think I am wrong to be suspicious at all.

[divine1966]

He is being inappropriate. We told you first time You caught him. I don't blame you for giving him another chance but enough is enough. I wouldn't be surprised that's why his marriage ended too



Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

[vonmoxie]

Internet friendships tend to be sort of "otherworldly", an altered perception of reality through the lens that's created there, and I think that many times people don't consider how altering it is. Hence so many get their heart broken over how reality doesn't match up, and yet others make the mistake of thinking that it's not reality at all and that their experiences there are all just harmless innocent fluff.

I've been on both sides of the fence, in a sense; I was married to someone for many years that I met on the internet -- which was much weirder at the time (late 80's), when far fewer people were interacting online in far fewer ways, and with less social acceptance -- and then long after we had split, I accidentally caught a subsequent partner trolling for tail on POF (I was doing a copy and paste on the computer and must have mis-struck when I went to copy, because when I went to paste I got a boilerplate introduction paragraph of his reaching out to women he'd never met before, "hey, saw your profile and you look adorable, we should meet" bla bla bla that sort of thing), and we were not together for very long after that.

My best advice if trying to work things out with him would be to keep a healthy open dialogue, hard as it may be at times. If he's communicating openly about it, at least you are less likely to be surprised by developments.

However, having read your 2nd post in this thread I have to say -- any person who uses the other's mental health concerns as a lever in arguments just to get their way is really bad news. That's crazy-making, and it is not allowed. Good riddance if you broke up with him.

Yes he's gone. It wasn't a great breakup in anyway. The breakup was long distance - over phone and texting - not the way it should have been. The breakup was really ****** timing for him (I need not elaborate). So I feel responsible. It will have made things really difficult for him at his new job. It will have thrust him into an impossible situation this weekend that I have no idea how he will manage without me. He is moving cities this weekend and was relying on my coordination of movers, truck rental, and money - all of which I canceled. I can't tell you enough how badly I am feeling. I really suck.

I was willing to go ahead with this plan but during the breakup he said to cancel. I did. And now he is high and dry. I don't like being 'that' kind of person.

[gayleggg]

It would depend on the friendship. Only if it were secretive or on a dating website. I would have a problem with that, but I'm not concerned with causal friendships, like I have here on PC. My husband would have a problem if I were texting old boyfriends and I guess I would, too. But we both have ex-spouses that we have contact with regarding the children and that works okay. None of us are needy of contact with them.

[Alone & confused]

Originally Posted by rcat

I ended up on the same self publishing website as my BF. The first thing I noticed was the only friends on his list were women. The next thing I notice is the profil pics of most of them are extremely provocative, some nearly pornographic.

Now we already had a go round when I previously discovered inappropriate friendships and behaviour online.

So what was I to think?

Then I see by his online status he is on the website for hours at a time nearly every night - even nights I am asleep in his bed. I see that he has lied to me saying he has gone to bed at one time yet his status shows he's on the website for hours after that. The man hasn't published a story for a year. SO WHAT IS HE DOING THEN?

What am I supposed to think?

Now his phone.... he left his ipad open infront of me and it is apparently sinced to his cellphone. He went out for several hours and he received text after text after text from women. With the ipad infront of my face I could not help but read their sides of the conversations. It was upsetting the conversations I was construing in my head. Some of these were asking to meet up. They seemed far to personal and certainly were not professional conf=versations in nature.

Sigh. I broke up with him but he is accusing me of jumping to the wrong conclusions. He is accusing me of my mental health being the cause for my lack of trust.

I don't think I am wrong to be suspicious at all.

I think you made the right choice to leave him. If he's lying, there's probably something to hide. Trying to turn the table and make you think it's you, invalidating your concerns rather than addressing the situation, and taking some responsibility, those are red flags to me. Not to mention the types of pics and the "meet up" texts....

Hes a big boy. He can sort this move out on his own. Its not your resposibility dont let him make it yours. Once a cheat always a cheat. That includes emotional relationships where one is sharing with someone else what they shoukd be sharing with their partner.