[brokenandalone1234]

Someone suggested I make this thread to help me through the pain of having to wait for children when I don't want to. I hope this helps others and I hope this helps me too. Please feel free to tell your stories.

[kal1995]

I feel this so much. I have wanted kids for as long as I can remember, and my patience is really starting to wear thin. My husband and I are both young (21) but we've been married for 3 years which is probably why it's getting to me so badly - this is usually about when people have babies. Were both ready emotionally, but I'm still in school and I don't really want to have kids while he's still in the military (he gets out in 3 years, right around the time I graduate). I know the smart thing to do is wait, but OH waiting is so freaking hard sometimes.
I'm right here with you. Is there any specific reason you have to wait?

[brokenandalone1234]

I just started a new job and money is tight. We have to wait a few more months but even that little of a wait is hard seeing as I have wanted kids since I was 23 and I am 26 now. It is really hard.

[*Laurie*]

All I ever wanted was to raise a family. My fiance 'couldn't see' himself raising children. Lo and behold, I was pregnant (age 21) and my fiance wanted to get married right away (I wasn't in such a rush to marry). Well, we did marry, I was a stay-at-home-mom...long story short we ended up raising 2 children together and are now the still-married parents of two wonderful adult children. My opinion might be unpopular, but I've noticed that there are many times when men claim they don't want children only to absolutely adore that baby once its born, and become a terrific dad. BUT not all men...you have to know your guy

btw, I'm 53 and STILL have baby fever. I would love to have a grandchild, but that won't be happening too soon as my kids are very career-path oriented.

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[brokenandalone1234]

My fiance wants them. It's just money is tight right now with me starting a new job last week.

[Artchic528]

I posted in your other thread about this subject matter. Take a look!

[Unrigged64072835]

I didn't have a child until I was 31, and I raised her mostly on my own. She is now 19 and doing fine with a few ups and downs. All things considered I did the best I could and we still love each other.

[IrisBloom]

You are wise to wait until you are financially stable and have some of your time consuming commitments out of the way. I think you will be more content in general if you wait. Believe me, a lot of anxieties come when you have a baby even when you are ready, much more when your're not. Don't think of it as delay, think of it as preparation, so that you, the father and the child will be in the best circumstances possible.

Single Mom here with 2 boys and an ex that helps in ways he can. It his hard. And I happen to have $.

My husband and I made the painful decision to remain childless.

We met in our late 30s, and we had so many financial struggles - still do. And there is the fact that we both have bipolar disorder. I'm not suggesting that people with mood disorders should not have children. But we both struggle with depression so often... Neither of us have family to help us out. Most of our friends are of the sandwich generation, so they're not really free to help either.

Apart from love, and even that's difficult to give while severely depressed, we don't believe we can give a child what they need. We are both the types that need solitude, quiet and regular sleep to stay sane. We both have terrible tempers when deprived of these things I don't think solitude, sleep and quiet are easy to come by with a baby in the house

We also had ourselves to think of. Not being great wage earners, having a child meant we'd never be able to retire. We'd never have the freedom to take a break from working when it all becomes just too much. I can't imagine us ever being able to support our child through University. It would just be one big financial stress ball. It would have been just too difficult for us.

TL;DR To cut it short, we just didn't have what it takes financially, mental-health-wise or support-wise to have kids.

I'm now 46, and as my baby making factory is slowly shutting down...well it's painful. It still hurts to see babies and hear friends talking about their now- grown children. I'm proud that we made the right decision for ourselves and for any potential children, but boy, it really hurts. It hurts to not have a family of our own and it hurts to know we weren't "good enough" .

For the most part we are grateful for what we have; each other, our kitty, a wonderful best friend, a roof over our head, and nice little car and the freedom to just fall down when our mental health demands it. Life is good, but I think it's okay to feel sad about our choice sometimes.

Originally Posted by Bea Tiscuit

My husband and I made the painful decision to remain childless.

We met in our late 30s, and we had so many financial struggles - still do. And there is the fact that we both have bipolar disorder. I'm not suggesting that people with mood disorders should not have children. But we both struggle with depression so often... Neither of us have family to help us out. Most of our friends are of the sandwich generation, so they're not really free to help either.

Apart from love, and even that's difficult to give while severely depressed, we don't believe we can give a child what they need. We are both the types that need solitude, quiet and regular sleep to stay sane. We both have terrible tempers when deprived of these things I don't think solitude, sleep and quiet are easy to come by with a baby in the house

We also had ourselves to think of. Not being great wage earners, having a child meant we'd never be able to retire. We'd never have the freedom to take a break from working when it all becomes just too much. I can't imagine us ever being able to support our child through University. It would just be one big financial stress ball. It would have been just too difficult for us.

TL;DR To cut it short, we just didn't have what it takes financially, mental-health-wise or support-wise to have kids.

I'm now 46, and as my baby making factory is slowly shutting down...well it's painful. It still hurts to see babies and hear friends talking about their now- grown children. I'm proud that we made the right decision for ourselves and for any potential children, but boy, it really hurts. It hurts to not have a family of our own and it hurts to know we weren't "good enough" .

For the most part we are grateful for what we have; each other, our kitty, a wonderful best friend, a roof over our head, and nice little car and the freedom to just fall down when our mental health demands it. Life is good, but I think it's okay to feel sad about our choice sometimes.

I think you made a very well-thought out choice. I know quite a few other adults without kids.

[rechu]

My husband and I don't have children by choice. We had both decided this for a variety of reasons before we met and had ended relationships with people that decided they wanted kids.

I'm 45, so like Bea Tiscuit, I probably couldn't have a biological child even if I wanted to by now. In my case, there are no regrets. I don't think either of us is up to the toll that raising a child takes on you, and after all that work there are no guarantees. Remember, that it's not just a cute baby you are getting, you have to be prepared for all the ups and downs throughout the years and often over the age of 18. I have a friend whose son is 20, and he has really gone off the rails in the last few years (an arrest, car accident and coma from drinking too much alcohol). So, she is dealing with a lot of problems due to his behavior.

I don't know if you could relate, since it sounds like you've always wanted children, but in my case I never really felt a pull to be a mother.

It sounds like you need to be patient and wait until your situation is more stable, rather than jumping into motherhood just because you feel something missing in life. It's better to work on other ways to deal with that void you are feeling rather than having a child that is essentially born with a job.

[Sad Mermaid]

Originally Posted by brokenandalone1234

I just started a new job and money is tight. We have to wait a few more months but even that little of a wait is hard seeing as I have wanted kids since I was 23 and I am 26 now. It is really hard.

I am with a previous poster about being cautious not to give a just born child a job. I think now could be a self-reflection time; why did you start wanting children at age 23? What motivates you to have a child? Do you look past the babyhood stage as you imagine what it would be like to live with a child? And, once again, what happened in your life at 23 that you started wanting to have a child?