Hello Women Friends

I was recently reflecting on romance. I am in a relationship with a good and loving man who is not romantic (in my perception). I imagine romance means different things for different people. Or perhaps some of you don't value the concept at all? What are your thoughts? Does romance matter to you? Do you have an example of something that you found really romantic from a partner? All perspectives welcome. I am really curious what others think

For example, on Valentine's Day my significant other asked "do you want me to buy you flowers?" I love fresh flowers any time but if I have to ask for them to be purchased, there's no romance in that. So I just said no thanks, it's okay. It's funny really. He just perceives fresh flowers as a complete waste of money because they die but fresh flowers make me smile and feel special. Different brains, different perspectives! I am not criticizing him. As I said, he's a very good man.

Thoughts?

[Calypso2632]

I LOVE getting things like fresh flowers!! Or a card for no reason, a cute stuffed animal, a collectible, a trinket. All good things to do just to say I love you. Or an afternoon snuggle session. I sometimes go get him a single rose or a card. Or hand write a note. Thoughtful gestures are wonderful things. But I dont think most men no matter how wonderful they are are wired the same way we are as far as what they see as romantic.. just my view.. I tend to go buy my own flowers. I really enjoy them, know exactly what I like and what's in season. Or just want to see what the florist has. Plus it's nice!!

Originally Posted by Calypso2632

I LOVE getting things like fresh flowers!! Or a card for no reason, a cute stuffed animal, a collectible, a trinket. All good things to do just to say I love you. Or an afternoon snuggle session. I sometimes go get him a single rose or a card. Or hand write a note. Thoughtful gestures are wonderful things. But I dont think most men no matter how wonderful they are are wired the same way we are as far as what they see as romantic.. just my view.. I tend to go buy my own flowers. I really enjoy them, know exactly what I like and what's in season. Or just want to see what the florist has. Plus it's nice!!

Thank you Calypso. You seem to really understand what I'm saying. Some people seem to think I'm ridiculous that I would like a nice gesture once in a while...something sweet and romantic that I would appreciate. I do somiliar things as yourself for him.

I do actually know a few female friends who are in relationships with men who do such romantic things without prompting. So that's why I wonder if it's a mismatch between my partner and me. I don't know.

Thank you again for your thoughts. I buy my own flowers too! Otherwise, I'd never have any!

I don't consider myself romantic...but I feel loved when people remember what I like because it proves that they have been thinking of me. Your partner remembered that you like fresh flowers. That proves that you are on his mind a lot.

[romantic rose]

I don't know what romance or being 'romantic' is tbh. Am not sure men have different brains overall, but I do know they likely wrestle with the expectations of hegemonic masculinity (am not a feminist but that phrase fits well here) so are caught between that and wanting to please their partner. Romance is seen as a 'woman's' thing.

When I was dating men I liked getting flowers too, but spontaneity was preferable. I think it would have been romantic to spend a night camping under the stars and cuddling up together, or spending all day and most of the evening in deep conversation about something we were both interested in, feeling relaxed enough in each others' company to fall asleep in each others' arms and see where things went from there.

I don't really know what romance means to me. Mostly it seems like a notion from films. I'll think about it further.

[Raindropvampire]

Getting the oil changed in my car, doing a chore I usually have to do but hate, buying me something I need/want(like right now I would like a toaster). I guess doing useful things and taking crap off my plate means romance to me.

Unfortunately hubby likes to write poetry and get me trinkets and crap like that. I always tell him it's appreciated and never let him know how disappointed I am. We just have very different love languages. I have communicated in the past what I think is romantic but he says what I like just isn't romantic

Originally Posted by Raindropvampire

Getting the oil changed in my car, doing a chore I usually have to do but hate, buying me something I need/want(like right now I would like a toaster). I guess doing useful things and taking crap off my plate means romance to me.

Unfortunately hubby likes to write poetry and get me trinkets and crap like that. I always tell him it's appreciated and never let him know how disappointed I am. We just have very different love languages. I have communicated in the past what I think is romantic but he says what I like just isn't romantic

That's a shame that you have a disconnect there. I'd suggest discussing but you already tried that. Sorry