daily check in for women

I slept well. I feel good this morning. I'm playing WoW Classic and cooking beef fajitas.

hey amy,

my favorite is called "good girl", and is made by the company carolina herera

but I also use sarah jessica parker, a britney spears one, a beyonce one, and quite a bit of stuff from victoria's secret (awesome shop)

seriously if I had the money to spend in their every week, I would. they do great stuff- not just perfumes, they do good handcream too

I've never tried fajitas. I hear they are good though

arn't they quite spicy?.

spicy food does not agree with me (it does to an extent, but too spicy isn't good for my system)

I had a bit of an emarrassing situation once where I went gfor a friend's for a spicy dinner, and spent the rest of the evening on her toilet (well on and off)

when it was time for me to leave I was still feeling the affects, so just had to put on a brave face and just go with it

straight in the shower when I got home though

Quote:

Originally Posted by raging vortex I've never tried fajitas. I hear they are good though arn't they quite spicy?. spicy food does not agree with me (it does to an extent, but too spicy isn't good for my system)

No, fajitas aren't usually spicy. I can't handle spicy food, either.

well I should try them

which ones are best?

fin

I am a little sad today but I'll be okay.

I never showered, I ordered in, I updated an essay, and I relaxed. My chronic fatigue, period, and stress incontinence are overwhelming. I stink, literally, and my glutes are deformed. I am not transitiining well into middle age. So my check-in is a bit sad. But I am doing what I can to maintain hope.

((((hugs))))

we all have days like this. I promise

do you want to share why you are sad?

we are here for you

doing okay today.

just no plans... so blah.. just trying to get through the day

I just don't like how my life is turning out. I managed to graduate college in 2017 but mental illness has made it hard to work so currently I'm self-employed only six hours a week. I looked into psychiatric day programs but they all tell me I don't qualify. I just have too much time to think about my issues. Maybe I should see if I can work a few more hours but I'm not sure how that would go. Thank you for being there for me.

Yes, they are good. I love them. I buy McCormicks spice mix and it's a little spicy. I like it that way. And I add salsa. I would say that just about any Mexican food is my favorite. I enjoy burritos too. Have you tried those? They're not as spicy.

nope... I can't say I have.

again, heard of them tough. just not tried them.

another day of doing nothing and not having plans (and no sleep)

I smell nice though. I just have to say that. I am wearing my favorite perfume today (I don't think you only need to wear it for an ocasion, if you like it, go for it)

@ragingvortex thank you for your validation and encouragement.

Since that day that I posted, I've only brushed my teeth - once. I haven't showered (yet). Been so tired, but am trying to get my energy back for my interview this Thursday (for grad school). I'm not sure that I'll get in, but thankfully my mentor (now retired) has kept encouraging me to apply now instead of later.

My focus is victimology/criminology among community members, and hopefully an integration of public administration. I want to advocate for victims who have never received justice, as well as for non-victims who have experienced trauma and do not trust the mental health field or whose cultural beliefs do not utilize mental health for their healing; they tend to find alternative means. I also want to advocate for police families, less-than-honorably-discharged veterans, and other families who have experienced secondary/tertiary traumas (such as families involving T's, including social workers, etc.).

Although I have been abused in treatment, as well as having had service-connected military sexual trauma, I also am aware (on a restorative justice level) that my abusers were once victims or once non-victimized trauma survivors themselves, and that they need help so that we can target the etiologies of trauma perpetration at the ecological level in order to prevent it in the future.

My energy has primarily gone to that, and to hearing the laments of many people throughout my IRL experiences, as well as online, such as here. I've heard so many people who felt harmed in therapy that there has to be ways to help not only us clients (myself included) who were harmed in therapy, but also the therapists who harm (and who may need help themselves).

I'm not without forgiveness or understanding, but I also have my own trauma-related illnesses that sometimes get in the way of that. Nevertheless, I try to be fair and open-minded. I understand chronic fatigue from the perspective of being a victim, and I'm learning to understand compassion fatigue from the perspective of those who hear my story and are affected by my story. I want to be able to tell my story, and it's important for my healing, but I also feel that those who hear my story are feeling secondary trauma themselves, and perhaps that's why they have the EXCUSE of utilizing other treatment methods because they are NOT TRAINED (like soldiers in the field, or like police) to be capable and willing to hear trauma stories and allow us the true grief process that needs to take place (according to Judith Herman's "Trauma and Recovery" book). Many stick to things that are less traumatic, or many take on only one trauma case at a time, which are unrealistic for the healing that needs to take place, and unrealistic for their jobs. You don't ask a surgeon to cut corners because they are grossed out by the bodily traumas they are seeing; instead, they train doctors to handle and desensitize from the gruesome things they will see in their practice. Same thing should go for all therapists. Furthermore, everyone in their lifetime will experience at least one form of trauma - if it's their own medical traumas, or the death of a loved one, or a natural disaster and the traumatic loss that ensues shortly thereafter, or an accident. When traumas involve betrayal and interpersonal relationships, however, that's when it becomes more taxing on our development - both in childhood and in adulthood.

So, how am I doing? Relatively okay considering my future and all the things I'm passionate about. So, my lack of showering and socializing are not for nothing; I am doing something positive.

I hope you feel better @ragingvortex

I love aromatherapy and the aesthetics of perfume bottles. That's awesome that you found the lid to one of your bottles. Sometimes it's the little things that brighten our day.

@88Butterfly88

I graduated in 2015 and my mental illness had taken a toll. I'm now 45 and trying so hard to find the energy to go to grad school (I graduated summa cum laude with other honors, but still cannot manage to take the next step - yet).

You'll get there. One step/day at a time! That's what I tell myself. I've changed course, so I don't work in psychology per se, but I'm now applying for grad school to study victimology and public administration (an interdisciplinary program). I knew that a bachelor's degree isn't enough for me to really rehabilitate, especially given all of my past work experiences and not wanting to shortchange my potentials. I also am not energetic enough to do full-time work, so my goal is to go all the way with grad school and do part-time work for either the government or for a non-profit organization as a researcher/PI. That's my goal. Part-time work is feasible in such arenas, though it takes a lot of effort to justify why full-time work isn't in the cards.

If you don't qualify for certain jobs yet, find out how you would be able to qualify. If mental illness is a barrier, like it was for me when it came to deciding between research and practitioner work, I knew my own limitations well enough to understand that practitioner work wasn't in the cards. I loved research, and that's what I'm sticking to. Perhaps there are alternative avenues you can try in your field to see what works best, given your mental illness limitations. If full-time work isn't in the cards, maybe trying a different parallel field might work out better. There's a whole world out there of opportunities, not just what is limited to the suggestions of our therapists, a particular field, our peers in college, or even our mentor's/professor's worldviews. There are many other fields and sectors you could work in, with as rewarding careers as the ones you first sought out. Due to the challenges of the economy and other ecological issues, individuals have branched out and started new fields (mostly through interdisciplinary studies and approaches), new job titles, and new problem-solving areas for society. It's a thought.

good luck on thursday.

I hope you do well.

sure you'll let us know.

Thank you and good luck Thursday. I will keep exploring my options.

@88Butterfly88 and @raging vortex

Thank you both for the luck! I'll need it. I have to revise my "statement of justification" (which is like a statement of purpose), and most likely continue revising it until all professors agree with the interdisciplinary approach I am applying for my master's thesis. I have to have a strong sense of what my master's thesis is before I submit my application, where two different committees will oversee it (one being a committee of 12 professors from all different fields, the other being my degree committee of 3 to 4 professors - my primary chair mentor/advisor, the director of the interdisciplinary program, and one or two more professors from other fields/disciplines). Interdisciplinary studies is not an easy field to apply for, but it is the only shot I have given that I'm 45, have limited career opportunities if I went with a specified discipline, and am interested in research/principal investigation among special populations within the community (most likely adults or adults with families). I'm not looking to do clinical work or any type of intervention, unless it solely involves referrals to other organizations or licensed clinicians. My hope is to find a scientific platform to allow the voiceless to voice what they weren't able to voice in traditional research settings, and to be objective (removing as much of my own biases as possible).

My hope is to learn how to conduct meta-analyses, systematic research, focus groups, pilot studies, program evaluations, latent class analyses, latent profile analyses, regression, and other multivariate statistics. I love statistics, but my brain fog from chronic fatigue coupled with a lapse in statistics education will make it challenging for me to jump back in.

Thankfully, they allow their grad students to attend part-time. I may see if I can take one class to begin with and then try for two later. I doubt I will be able to do the full load of three courses, but I'll see.

As an undergrad, I was able to do four classes, but no more than that. I received help from the disabilities office. However, in grad school, the mention of disabilities seems taboo, and I doubt that I can request that up front. If I can, I will. They will be aware that I'm a disabled veteran who will hopefully be funded through vocational rehabilitation, but I have to be accepted first in order to apply for vocational rehabilitation. I've already met with the VA rep there.

Anyway, I just want to fulfill a dream while also leaving behind a good legacy for my daughter. I keep in contact with the adoptive mom, as I have an open adoption. And it is my daughter's 17th birthday soon - this month. I'm hoping that the adoptive mom will allow me to send a card at least, or a card and a modest gift. I want my daughter to know that I've always loved her and she was always wanted. I also want to respect the adoptive mom's wishes because to love my daughter is to love her mom - her real mom - her adoptive mom. I'm just the bio mom, but it doesn't mean I don't care. I just didn't have the resources or healing I needed from all of my disabilities to care for her properly. Thankfully, I hear she is healthy, but I know that she struggles as an adopted child. I will forever feel responsible for that. If I could do anything for her, I would. My hope is to do something to help make this world a safer place for everyone to live in, even if I do research behind the scenes. That's all I want.

I'll keep you posted. If I get rejected, I can always try again there or elsewhere, or I can get therapy for all of my losses, or maybe all of the above. I'm open to it all - criticism, rejection, acceptance, correction, whatever.

@88Butterfly88

Please keep us posted on your exploration of options. You will get there! I know it. Keep reaching out because there might be some others on here who have great suggestions for you. It took me taking a break for about 4 years to figure out what I wanted to do. I needed that break to heal a little. There's no shame in taking breaks.

Struggling this morning a little bit. I need to take a shower but last time I had some back pain. Worried about it now. Sad that it's so difficult to take care of myself.

@lillib Thank you, I will keep posting here.

Today I bought some video games online for 30 cents with free shipping. As long as they work I'm going to try to mark up the price and resell them. I also bought a few packages of unopened vintage trading cards for 10 cents a pack with free shipping. If I find one decent card in each pack I can turn a profit. This could become a business, I'll have to see. It wouldn't be in my field of study but that's okay.

@Deilla I hope you were able to shower. If showering becomes too difficult maybe sponge baths are an option.

@88Butterfly88 That's awesome that you were able to do that, and I hope you make a good profit! You sound like you have a lot of good business sense!