Why are men so cold & unemotional?

divine1966 · Aug 09, 2023 at 02:13 PM

It’s not your fault you are being abused by men. I am just saying not every men is this way. You have abusive husband. He doesn’t represent all male population. Not every husband is abusive. Other terrible stories about horrid men you encounter were mostly drunk bar goers. Those should be avoided at all costs and most decent men don’t hang out in bars drinking. They don’t represent all population either. But certainly it’s not your fault you are mistreated by men.

Guy like rude chiropractor is a jerk but he’s not jerk because he’s a man. He’s a rude human being

Travelinglady · Aug 09, 2023 at 03:40 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by nonightowl

I agree. There ARE good ones out there, just like there are cold, unemotional women! I think part of it is upbringing and culture, as men are expected to be tough and not show feelings like sadness. I don't know how it is in other countries but it's present in the US for sure.

If men show vulnerability, they are called wimps or sissies or worse, not only by other men but women too.

It could also be generational, in the sense that if they were raised the way their dads were, it's just a vicious cycle. I'm hoping it's different now, as I believe today's younger men are more emotionally available than previous generations.

Once I read that all this repressing of emotions is why men have heart attacks and high blood pressure more than women.

I agree. I've actually noticed, though, that gay men seem to be more sensitive to women.

nonightowl · Aug 09, 2023 at 04:14 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Travelinglady

I agree. I've actually noticed, though, that gay men seem to be more sensitive to women.

Probably, in a general sense.

But my only male friend is straight!

And I've been friends with gay men in the past, many years ago. I'd just like a sincere, true friend---male or female, gay or not. I just need a decent person, another one, that is.

jesyka · Aug 09, 2023 at 06:37 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by divine1966

It’s not your fault you are being abused by men. I am just saying not every men is this way. You have abusive husband. He doesn’t represent all male population. Not every husband is abusive. Other terrible stories about horrid men you encounter were mostly drunk bar goers. Those should be avoided at all costs and most decent men don’t hang out in bars drinking. They don’t represent all population either. But certainly it’s not your fault you are mistreated by men.

Guy like rude chiropractor is a jerk but he’s not jerk because he’s a man. He’s a rude human being

I’ve also met rude abusive former bosses, coworkers & a few classmates too.

Trigger warning:

I have even been sexually assaulted at work in my 20’s by this one supervisor at a call center in front of lots of people. No one did anything to help me even when I told him loudly to let go of my arm as he was hurting me.

He made a sick joke about everything being bigger in Texas. I didn’t laugh. I was married & wearing a ring.

He grabbed my arm hard & wouldn’t let go at first. I stupidly didn’t report him. Idk know why I didn’t. I wish I would’ve called the cops on him for assaulting me.

Sicko! I don’t understand why I attract loser creeps like this when I’m not even at a club or a bar, wth? Ugh! I don’t even dress provocatively either or flirt with men!

Discombobulated · Aug 10, 2023 at 12:01 AM

Yeah that’s not nice, and I’m glad you’d report it now, I’m sorry people didn’t stop him. Sometimes people do just freeze.

I can tell you though that my son (he’s in his 20s) has had harassment from women, sometimes in the street (once when he was just 17) and work. He’s quite a muscly guy and the number of certain type of women who think it’s okay to squeeze his biceps has quite astonished me. It does happen to men too, I didn’t realise the extent until it happened to him. And men often don’t feel like they can report either, or at least my son didn’t, he felt embarrassed. Like he’s meant to take it as a compliment??

Assault/harassment is never okay whatever gender you are.

divine1966 · Aug 10, 2023 at 12:43 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Discombobulated

Yeah that’s not nice, and I’m glad you’d report it now, I’m sorry people didn’t stop him. Sometimes people do just freeze.

I can tell you though that my son (he’s in his 20s) has had harassment from women, sometimes in the street (once when he was just 17) and work. He’s quite a muscly guy and the number of certain type of women who think it’s okay to squeeze his biceps has quite astonished me. It does happen to men too, I didn’t realise the extent until it happened to him. And men often don’t feel like they can report either, or at least my son didn’t, he felt embarrassed. Like he’s meant to take it as a compliment??

Assault/harassment is never okay whatever gender you are.

Agreed. Although statistically women are more likely to be harassed, men often are as well. Just ask men in caring professions (like nurses) or customer service ( like waiters) what they have to put up with.

divine1966 · Aug 10, 2023 at 12:48 AM

Harassment is never ok. That’s a given. Most certainly a man who grabbed your arm and not let go had to face serums consequences. Regardless of his gender.

nonightowl · 10:16 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Discombobulated

Yeah that’s not nice, and I’m glad you’d report it now, I’m sorry people didn’t stop him. Sometimes people do just freeze.

I can tell you though that my son (he’s in his 20s) has had harassment from women, sometimes in the street (once when he was just 17) and work. He’s quite a muscly guy and the number of certain type of women who think it’s okay to squeeze his biceps has quite astonished me. It does happen to men too, I didn’t realise the extent until it happened to him. And men often don’t feel like they can report either, or at least my son didn’t, he felt embarrassed. Like he’s meant to take it as a compliment??

Assault/harassment is never okay whatever gender you are.

People are afraid to get involved or they freeze, like Discomb says. It's so shocking that they are just immobile.

It's true that men can be harassed too, not just by women by other men.

What you said about your son reminded me of how a man I was acquainted with kept asking me out and I said no. One time he snuck up behind me while I was on the computer at the library. He leaned in close and put his hand on my shoulder, saying "We really have to go out sometime." I said "No we don't!" Yeah before anybody says it was my shoulder and not something else, it was still totally invasive and inappropriate to touch me.

Speaking of what you said about compliments, I once had a man stare at me in the parking lot of a coffee shop. I was sitting outside waiting for someone. He rolled down his window, stared like staring at a painting, and smiled. I didn't smile back. Inside he got in line behind me. He said something about how pretty I am, then at the cream and sugar counter, he was right behind me again.

He then got offended and yelled in front of other customers that I have a real problem!

And to add insult to injury as they say, this so-called friend (whom I no longer talk to) said I should have felt complimented. When I said what happened, she asked "Well did you say THANK YOU?" WTF?

Talk about feeling objectified. Staring, following me, then getting upset I'm not flattered? It's creepy and stalky. It's wrong for people to touch others like what happened with your son. And it was wrong of that man in the coffee shop to say that I'm the one with the problem. He needs to learn boundaries and to not just walk up to women like that.

I read somewhere that the US has lost its moral compass. Not only harassment up and plain courtesy is gone now it seems.

Jeskya, so sorry.

This happens to me too, as the creeps are drawn to me like moths to a flame. And they will get singed. I swear I'm a $hit magnet.

nonightowl · Aug 10, 2023 at 09:19 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by jesyka

snip: I don’t even dress provocatively either or flirt with men!

Even if women do dress that way, they are not "asking" for it as many people claim. Assault and harassment is wrong, no matter what someone is wearing. We seem to do a lot of victim blaming in this country, about everything.

I was once in gym clothes, walking down the street, when guys in a car pulled over and asked "How much?"

jesyka · Aug 10, 2023 at 09:20 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Discombobulated

Yeah that’s not nice, and I’m glad you’d report it now, I’m sorry people didn’t stop him. Sometimes people do just freeze.

I can tell you though that my son (he’s in his 20s) has had harassment from women, sometimes in the street (once when he was just 17) and work. He’s quite a muscly guy and the number of certain type of women who think it’s okay to squeeze his biceps has quite astonished me. It does happen to men too, I didn’t realise the extent until it happened to him. And men often don’t feel like they can report either, or at least my son didn’t, he felt embarrassed. Like he’s meant to take it as a compliment??

Assault/harassment is never okay whatever gender you are.

I’m shocked that no one did anything to help me either. I think that people didn’t care as it wasn’t their problem. Also, it was at a place full of ghetto people mostly & I suspect that some of the people there didn’t like me, idk.

I definitely would’ve called the cops on him now. I would’ve quit that job too if nothing was done to fire him.

I was quiet & kept to myself. They might’ve thought that I was stuck up. What happened to your son isn’t OK. Some women are inappropriate like that. Did he ever tell them to stop?

jesyka · Aug 10, 2023 at 09:21 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by divine1966

Harassment is never ok. That’s a given. Most certainly a man who grabbed your arm and not let go had to face serums consequences. Regardless of his gender.

So true. I was so stupid. I froze. I didn’t think anyone would care or do anything as people obviously saw what happened & did nothing. No one even asked me if I was OK.

jesyka · Aug 10, 2023 at 09:29 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by nonightowl

People are afraid to get involved or they freeze, like Discomb says. It's so shocking that they are just immobile.

It's true that men can be harassed too, not just by women by other men.

What you said about your son reminded me of how a man I was acquainted with kept asking me out and I said no. One time he snuck up behind me while I was on the computer at the library. He leaned in close and put his hand on my shoulder, saying "We really have to go out sometime." I said "No we don'tl" Yeah before anybody says it was my shoulder and not something else, it was still totally invasive and inappropriate to touch me.

Speaking of what you said about compliments, I once had a man stare at me in the parking lot of a coffee shop. I was sitting outside waiting for someone. He rolled down his window, stared like staring at a painting, and smiled. I didn't smile back. Inside he got in line behind me. He said something about how pretty I am, then at the cream and sugar counter, he was right behind me again.

He then got offended and yelled in front of other customers that I have a real problem!

And to add insult to injury as they say, this so-called friend (whom I no longer talk to) said I should have felt complimented. When I said what happened, she asked "Well did you say THANK YOU?" WTF?

Talk about feeling objectified. Staring, following me, then getting upset I'm not flattered? It's creepy and stalky. It's wrong for people to touch others like what happened with your son. And it was wrong of that man in the coffee shop to say that I'm the one with the problem. He needs to learn boundaries and to not just walk up to women like that.

I read somewhere that the US has lost its moral compass. Not only harassment up and plain courtesy is gone now it seems.

Jeskya, so sorry.

This happens to me too, as the creeps are drawn to me like moths to a flame. And they will get singed. I swear I'm a $hit magnet.

I’m so sorry to hesr about what happened to you with those two creeps. You didn’t owe either of them anything. The friend who expected you to thank the creep is part of the problem. I’d be pissed!

No wonder why sexual predators think they can get away with this behavior! They have enablers! It’s a good thing that you didn’t enabke their bad behavior.

Next time loudly say no, get away from me you creep, I said don’t touch me! Then ger them kicked out by the manager if they don’t leave. I’d do that if that happened to me now.

I’ve had it. I dont care if I make a scene now. I will
probably go nuclear on the next loser who dares to mess with me be it a man or a woman, lol! I will make them extremely sorry they messed with me. I won’t hit them, but I will make a scene, scream & get the offender kicked out, lol.

The exception would be for Uber. I dont want a repeat of the Lyft story. Those jerks obviously won’t even listen to the customers story. I’ll just report thing’s anonymously right away.

nonightowl · Aug 10, 2023 at 10:08 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by jesyka

I’m so sorry to hesr about what happened to you with those two creeps. You didn’t owe either of them anything. The friend who expected you to thank the creep is part of the problem. I’d be pissed!

No wonder why sexual predators think they can get away with this behavior! They have enablers! It’s a good thing that you didn’t enabke their bad behavior.

Next time loudly say no, get away from me you creep, I said don’t touch me! Then ger them kicked out by the manager if they don’t leave. I’d do that if that happened to me now.

I’ve had it. I dont care if I make a scene now. I will
probably go nuclear on the next loser who dares to mess with me be it a man or a woman, lol! I will make them extremely sorry they messed with me. I won’t hit them, but I will make a scene, scream & get the offender kicked out, lol.

The exception would be for Uber. I dont want a repeat of the Lyft story. Those jerks obviously won’t even listen to the customers story. I’ll just report thing’s anonymously right away.

By the time the guy in the shop made a scene, it was too late for ME to make one, lol. Seriously, it wasn't funny though.

Their behavior gets reinforced by people who think it's okay. They are raised as boys, that it's okay for "boys to be boys" and get away with such behavior. Women don't come up to the men like that, in general. But men approach women. And my "friend" was so invalidating, it was hurtful and disrespectful not to see my side of it. She thinks it's a compliment and said she wished men noticed HER. Be careful of what you wish for, and that kind of attention is NOT a compliment. But you know how some women can be, not at all supportive.

Men are always harassing me actually. It's usually from much older men, who think they are some kind of Don Juan. It's sad in a way.

I've never taken an Uber or Lyft, I don't even have the app or know how to use it anyway. Still, I wouldn't be comfortable at all. I've taken cabs before but that feels more "regulated" or something.

divine1966 · Aug 10, 2023 at 10:14 AM

“Ghetto people”? What are you referring to (I don’t want to assume)?

Discombobulated · Aug 10, 2023 at 11:21 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by jesyka

I’m shocked that no one did anything to help me either. I think that people didn’t care as it wasn’t their problem. Also, it was at a place full of ghetto people mostly & I suspect that some of the people there didn’t like me, idk.

I definitely would’ve called the cops on him now. I would’ve quit that job too if nothing was done to fire him.

I was quiet & kept to myself. They might’ve thought that I was stuck up. What happened to your son isn’t OK. Some women are inappropriate like that. Did he ever tell them to stop?

I don’t think he did tell them to stop, there’s all kinds of different pressures on young guys to appear cool. Yes probably women get more harassment but men definitely can.

My own thoughts are that those of us who raise sons and daughters have a responsibility to address this stuff. My son has spoken out when he has seen others being harassed. In fact I work with younger men and actually they also call out that kind of behaviour from other men. From my experience I see that sort of thing improving from my younger days. Just my perspective and experience of course.

nonightowl · Aug 10, 2023 at 11:24 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Discombobulated

I don’t think he did tell them to stop, there’s all kinds of different pressures on young guys to appear cool. Yes probably women get more harassment but men definitely can.

My own thoughts are that those of us who raise sons and daughters have a responsibility to address this stuff. My son has spoken out when he has seen others being harassed. In fact I work with younger men and actually they also call out that kind of behaviour from other men. From my experience I see that sort of thing improving from my younger days. Just my perspective and experience of course.

In my experience, it's the much younger men that are courteous to me and older men seem to do the harassing, most of the time.

It seems to be a generational thing, as the older men seem to think it's flattering to women to behave that way.

And in my post about those two men, both of them were much older than me.

Younger men were raised under the MeToo movement, so there's way more awareness of what they say and do now. Previous generations had no such movement. Because so many women speak up now, and it's involved famous men too at times, today's young men are more conscious. Of course not ALL but it's a different time now.

I'm also thinking of Anita Hill and how if the trial were held today, the outcome would be different.

jesyka · Aug 10, 2023 at 01:48 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by nonightowl

By the time the guy in the shop made a scene, it was too late for ME to make one, lol. Seriously, it wasn't funny though.

Their behavior gets reinforced by people who think it's okay. They are raised as boys, that it's okay for "boys to be boys" and get away with such behavior. Women don't come up to the men like that, in general. But men approach women. And my "friend" was so invalidating, it was hurtful and disrespectful not to see my side of it. She thinks it's a compliment and said she wished men noticed HER. Be careful of what you wish for, and that kind of attention is NOT a compliment. But you know how some women can be, not at all supportive.

Men are always harassing me actually. It's usually from much older men, who think they are some kind of Don Juan. It's sad in a way.

I've never taken an Uber or Lyft, I don't even have the app or know how to use it anyway. Still, I wouldn't be comfortable at all. I've taken cabs before but that feels more "regulated" or something.

It’s sad & disturbing to how some men can easily get away with this disgusting behavior. If I had a friend like that, I’d end the friendship.

Maybe taking a cab is better.

jesyka · 02:05 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by divine1966

“Ghetto people”? What are you referring to (I don’t want to assume)?

Generally speaking, low class people as far as attitude & behavior goes. Low to no class, people who steal & have no manners. Money was stolen out of my backpack when my back was turned - as well as some small items like a pager that I hid behind something. Lowlifes. Wanna be gangster types.

Sleazy types too. One lady was a phone sex operator & she’d loudly brag about the sick & personal things she got guys to do on the phone, ew, so inappropriate!

Some of them were loud obnoxious arrogant types who had this tough gangster vibe about them including the women there.

Even my female supervisor acted like she was this tough intimidating type at times. I hated that place. Not everyone was like that, but to many people there were definitely not the type I’d ever want to associate with.

jesyka · Aug 10, 2023 at 01:52 PM

Dr

Quote:

Originally Posted by nonightowl

In my experience, it's the much younger men that are courteous to me and older men seem to do the harassing, most of the time.

It seems to be a generational thing, as the older men seem to think it's flattering to women to behave that way.

And in my post about those two men, both of them were much older than me.

Younger men were raised under the MeToo movement, so there's way more awareness of what they say and do now. Previous generations had no such movement. Because so many women speak up now, and it's involved famous men too at times, today's young men are more conscious. Of course not ALL but it's a different time now.

I'm also thinking of Anita Hill and how if the trial were held today, the outcome would be different.

Maybe you have a point there. Hopefully the next generation of men will turn out to be more respectful to women. Apparently some younger men like my chiropractor apparently have no manners.

nonightowl · Aug 10, 2023 at 02:01 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by jesyka

It’s sad & disturbing to how some men can easily get away with this disgusting behavior. If I had a friend like that, I’d end the friendship.

Maybe taking a cab is better.

Yes. And I did end the friendship a couple of years ago now....and it wasn't over that. Back then she was just an acquaintance and I thought she'd be a real friend at some point. I got fed up with her judgement, lack of validation and empathy, her insensitivity, and bossy, overbearing, loud ways with everyone it seems.

She's so loud, and one time a nice old man wearing a hearing aid asked her to please lower her voice. She did not.

I don't know about these things but I THINK cabs may cost way more.

But I haven't taken one in years and have never taken Uber or Lyft---wouldn't want to either.

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divine1966 Legendary Wise Elder Member Since Dec 2014 Location: US Posts: 22,900 (SuperPoster!) 9 1,295 hugs given	Aug 10, 2023 at 12:48 AM #47 Harassment is never ok. That’s a given. Most certainly a man who grabbed your arm and not let go had to face serums consequences. Regardless of his gender.
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divine1966 Legendary Wise Elder Member Since Dec 2014 Location: US Posts: 22,900 (SuperPoster!) 9 1,295 hugs given	Aug 10, 2023 at 10:14 AM #54 “Ghetto people”? What are you referring to (I don’t want to assume)?
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