Is it me or them?

Sometimes you just have to wonder... is it my coworkers, or is it me? I've always blamed the coworkers, but now starting to think it's me. I had a job for 6 months and liked it okay but could not get along with people I worked with. My boss was so rude and I felt like I could not deal. I dreaded going to work, and although there were a couple of people that I felt comfortable with and liked okay I tried to keep to myself.
So after 6months I quit and went to work somewhere else where I stayed for 2 1/2 years. I didn't stay there because I liked it. I hated it actually. Again, the job was okay but the people I worked with seemed awful. towards the end I took FMLA and was hospitalized for mental health. I did go back but only for 3 months before I felt I couldn't deal anymore and quit without anything else lined up. As a single mom I was terrified, but I felt I would rather live on the street than go back to that place with those people.
In May I got a new job. The best job I've ever had. I love it, I love the people that I work with and work for, and really have no reason to complain. The people I work with and for all seem to be friends with each other (it's a small company) but I am scared to let people in so I'm known as the "quiet one." I don't want to be known like that. I try to talk, and enjoy myself around them, but even when I feel like I'm talking alot people are still telling me that I'm too quiet.
The other issue is my insecurity. I got burned bad at my last job and confided in a couple of people who twisted what I said and threw it back in my face. With this job- I really can't see anyone doing that, but everytime the boss goes into the office with the owner or people are talking quietly around me I get paranoid and start to think they are talking about me. How I screwed up somewhere. I bet they wish they never hired me. They're laughing at me behind my back.
My fears are totally unfounded. I know this. Everytime I ask how I'm doing they say great. Logically, my paranoia makes no sense. But that doesn't seem to make it go away. Sometimes I even get mad at them for what I know they likely aren't even doing. The other day this week I wanted to quit because I didn't think I was good enough to work for them and that they are a good company and deserve someone so much better. Someone at least without my mental issues (which they know little about).
I guess I don't really have a question that needs answering. Just needed to vent. Wondering if anyone else has been in a similar situation. I wish I knew how to not be worried about stuff that deep down I know isn't even true.

If you don't like the job and/or the people you work with, that's you and your likes and dislikes (which is fine but you have to be aware of that). Why are you taking jobs like that? If you take a job just to have a job, it probably is not going to work out?

I always planned what kind of job I wanted and what I wanted from that job; not all mine have been money-making, I use to take jobs to learn certain skills or to "practice" getting along with certain types of people; bosses, coworkers, customers. The people who work for a law firm are going to be different from the people who work at Walmart?

I would try to manage your paranoia actions (not the paranoia itself :-) only allow yourself to ask how you're doing once every month or something. I would figure out and recognize (as you seem to have) that you are "getting mad at them for what I know they likely aren't even doing" and use your intelligence to squash that. Learn to feel angry, anxious, etc. but function anyway, using your head to be manager.

Tell yourself, "they probably aren't even doing that!" and talk back to the voices in your head that are trying to pull you down; they don't use very specific or sophisticated language and you are smart enough to do so; don't put up with their muttering, confront them or make fun of them (sometimes lots more enjoyable). Eventually, if you are not minding them, they'll go away. Only you can give them energy or starve them.

While Perna made some good points, I know that we can't always help the job we get. Getting a job "just to have a job" actually is something that people in this struggling economy are having to do. The way things are going in this world, we don't always have much of a choice and have to just jump at the first opportunity we get.

I understand completely how you feel, because I used to be there. It wasn't just work, it was school and it was my family. When I lived with my parents, my whole family was against me. Even my brother and sister. My Mom was cheating with someone she met Online, my step dad was addicted to computer games, my younger brother and sister were lost and didn't know what to think or do. I was bullied at school for a while, I was going through a lot. I was a messed up teenager. We would have "family meetings" once a week because things were going so bad. I called my parents out. I said "this isn't a family" in one of the meetings. They all jumped on me, even my younger siblings, saying how wrong I was. Yeah, we were definitely a family when I was eating at the dinner table alone, my Mom and Dad were at their own computers, and my brother and sister were eating who knows where. I am telling you this to give you insight as to why I take things personal, and always have. This is a bit of a success story, so bare with me.

During school I always felt like people were against me and saying things behind my back. I would lash out at the smallest of things. I would then take my anger home, to my Grandparents who I now lived with. I thought they were against me too. It was me against the world. Then I got my first job, same scenario. I don't know what changed in me, but I just changed. I told myself I couldn't be like that anymore. It was during the time I had an awful boss. He WAS against me, and it had nothing to do with my paranoia. I think that is when I decided, who cares? I started lashing out at my boss even. I don't recommend that, but the reason I was doing it is I had started to hold everything in which isn't healthy. Instead, if someone at work upset me I let them know right away so that I didn't keep it bottled up, it honestly helped me tremendously.

I became much happier. Work is work. It isn't always something we are going to enjoy. I am okay with the fact that I don't LOVE my job. It's okay. It's decent. I don't love it, and I am glad I don't. I WANT to be happy to go home every night. I WANT to look forward to the weekends and spending time at home. I don't want to love work more than I love just being at home. Now, if someone upsets me at work they know it right away. I make sure of that. I don't do it in a way to get me in trouble, but the people at my job know that I do that so it doesn't get held in and taken home. It has improved my relationship with my friends, my family, and even my co-workers.

Now, I don't know if that is something that you really need to do. It sounds more like you just are scared to have relationships with fellow co-workers. I could be wrong, but the fact that you are insecure and don't really have a lot to do with them on a personal level hints at that. I honestly don't think it is a bad thing. I know that being friendly with your co-workers is something everyone wants. It's fine if it works. My issues are that if you get TOO friendly with your co-workers, it can lead to some bad things. For instance, I am friends with my boss. We actually go out sometimes after work. Eat together, watch a movie, whatever. We are just buddies. That's fine outside of work, but then AT work we have a boss-employee relationship. Sometimes it's tough. If my boss says something I don't like, it is just as if a friend of mine would insult me. It can really hurt my feelings. I wish that I wouldn't have ever became friends with my boss because of that. The same can hold true if you get into any disputes with a co-worker. As long as the two workers can understand that it is two different environments and not to take things personally at work, it would be fine.

My whole point is that you can't really do much about paranoia, except to just not let it get to you. Try not to think about it. Try to keep your mind focused on other things, and about the day being over and going home. Realize it is just one day, and that tomorrow will be better. I also wouldn't push myself to be too friendly with the people you work with. If you are strictly on a professional relationship with them, in my opinion that isn't such a bad thing. It will keep you from getting attached emotionally where things would hurt even more if someone there upsets you. I know that brushing things off isn't easy, but at some point in our life we have to just realize that it isn't worth the stress and just step up and forget about it. Step up and stop worrying about them, because they aren't worth it. I was able to do that with my own mind, and without medication or help. Once you set your mind to it, you can do it. You just have to ask yourself what is more important, and adding stress due to people that shouldn't even matter isn't healthy. I wish you the best, and hope things look up for you soon.