[summer1991]

Hello,

I can honestly say, that I'm letting my job ruin my life. I was recently promoted to a management position 3 months ago. I knew it was not a good idea for me to apply for the position, as it is not something I wanted by any means. Management is and never will be something I am interested in, and I've always known this.
Unfortunately, I was pressured by my work superiors to apply and take the job. I had many co-workers in upper management come to me requesting that I apply and take the job as they "knew I would be great and really wanted me in the position". The individuals were not coming to me only once, but multiple times.
Silly me, I did not know I could give into peer pressure as an adult. I did not want to let anyone down.
I already really disliked my job and was also having a difficult time in my personal life, but thought for a moment that maybe taking on a new position would change that. It did not, and only made things worse.
All I can think about is my job - it is ruining more of my relationship with my significant other and everyone else I know. I cannot do any activity and enjoy it, as I am concerned I should be thinking about what I will need to do at work the next day. I can only sit here, and worry about it some more.

The fact that I'm already very stressed about everything else in my life, I'm thinking that I need to make a change and this would be where I need to start. At this time, I am trying to find a different job. Honestly, I need to find a job that is not so stressful for now. I need a job that I can be responsible for myself, and not others. In the future, I will desire a more challenging career that I am actually interested in. But for now, I really feel I need to settle for less. I do know that this will be a good step in finding happiness.

If I am applying for jobs that are not management and also pays less, do you think it will lessen my chances of being hired? Do you think they will question why I am applying for a job that pays less? If so, how on earth can I explain this in a way they will not be turned away?

Has anyone else gone through a similar situation? If so, please share. I would really appreciate hearing your story or opinions.

Thank you very much for your time. Also, thank you for letting me share my current frustrations, this is not something I've done before online.
Sorry for all the word vomit, I feel like I had to get it out.

[healingme4me]

Becoming a boss can be one of the most challenging things, and for some it's rewarding. One of the toughest things, I've found about being boss, is dealing with all the nuances on the interpersonal side of things.

Another thing, is going from being a coworker, to elevated, and there is, and always will be those that resent those in positions of power and authority. It can also be troublesome, to change organizational levels, because suddenly those you were once friendly with, are your subordinates. And going from that lateral relationship, to one where you need to many times, make demands on them, can be difficult.

And if you are a people pleaser, like I am, drawing the line in the sand, takes courage, and guts and a ton of grit!

Did your employer give you a 'probationary' period? One where you could have stepped down, without repercussion, at any moment that you felt this wouldn't be a good fit?

To step back, with another employer, could work. When applying and interviewing, simply state that you worked your way up, and would like a job where you could start below management level, to get a feel for the culture and management consideration could be possible, over time. Or, if looking in a separate field, altogether, it actually would make more logical sense to work from the bottom up, so explaining not desire management in another field, could be a moot point.

Is the work you bringing home, more paperwork orientated, or did you mean, you are bringing the stresses of the new role home and the stress is creating a strain on relationships?

[summer1991]

Like yourself, I want to please others as well, and dislike being the one to tell someone what and what not to do.
I was not presented with a probationary period, as you stated.
Stepping down within the company is not something I am interested - I feel I need to leave the company.
I really like your suggestions for starting below management through a different employer. It is a great legitimate reason for stepping back. Thank you for pointing this out.
The work I bring home are the stresses of my job. All I can think about is what I did that day at my job, what I should have done differently, what I forgot to do, what I should not have said, what I will need to do the next, and how much I do not want to do those things. I am worried that I will not be able to do all that needs to be done, and that I will not complete my tasks in a perfect manner.

Thank you very much for your response, healingme4me! I hope all is well with you.

[winterglen]

I have a part-time low level job -- the same part-time low level job I've had for more than 8 years. Countless people who have arrived later than me have been promoted over me.

There was job opening posted today in another department where I work. But I can't apply because it requires that I be available to work evenings. I am not available to work evenings because I have classes. Besides, I haven't applied anywhere since I was hospitalized last year for an eating disorder and anxiety problems. I still have my resume in my computer, but I have dropped a lot of my extracurricular activities since then, so I've lost references and skills.

So it's settled that I won't be applying here. Not available for evenings. I just pray my mother doesn't find out about this opening, because she would want me to apply, even though I can't be relied on to do the requirements.

[healingme4me]

Originally Posted by summer1991

Like yourself, I want to please others as well, and dislike being the one to tell someone what and what not to do.
I was not presented with a probationary period, as you stated.
Stepping down within the company is not something I am interested - I feel I need to leave the company.
I really like your suggestions for starting below management through a different employer. It is a great legitimate reason for stepping back. Thank you for pointing this out.
The work I bring home are the stresses of my job. All I can think about is what I did that day at my job, what I should have done differently, what I forgot to do, what I should not have said, what I will need to do the next, and how much I do not want to do those things. I am worried that I will not be able to do all that needs to be done, and that I will not complete my tasks in a perfect manner.

Thank you very much for your response, healingme4me! I hope all is well with you.

All is well, thanks for asking. Well, there's some managerial stuff, that I am trying hard to deal with, as far as a subordinate. With my educational background, and previous management experience, I feel like I'm in a specific movie, 'you're my only hope....' ;-) type of thing, dealing with this specific one.

But, alas, that bolded sentence, reminded me of something. Completing things, perfectly. I used to feel that way, in my previous management experience. I was young, ill equipped in some ways, and in trying to reach someone elses unrealistic expectations, I felt I was becoming frozen in my tracks. (such as why is there such LOS of inventory, in a high-risk demographic, and why didn't I have answers, never mind the cops found loads of that inventory under a nearby bridge. hmmm...being asked to answer, the obvious wouldn't suit that boss. as though a rookie manager could possibly sleuth and solve what the previous, non-rookie manager, himself couldn't solve!)

About perfection, today, one of my bosses, worked in my location. And made a not-quite-so-big error, but enough, that I had all I could do to grin a big grin. We chuckled, I said, jovially, you cannot work in this location, without making that particular error, at least once. Even, bigger bosses make errors. Not the type, that had a huge impact, but it was bonding. She seemed, to enjoy working 'for' me, today

It's one of those things, that no matter where you go, there you are. Resolving the worrying about perfection, lest you are an airline pilot or work in an airport tower, or something like that, where perfection matters, more than anything else...lest that's the type of job, being able to forgive yourself for just being human, matters!

There's a new rookie manager, in my area. And I've heard how stressed and unhappy she's become. She's the type of person that wants to please all of those around her. Trying to please the same crowd, she and I, so to speak. What's more important, than being 'perfect', I've learned from my boss' reactions to my performance, is the ability, to just own up to what wasn't perfect.

I had something, happen, first week, on my job. Instead of bowing my head, in shame, I was in the next day, early, speaking with a particular technician. And was able to exonerate myself, from what was 'assumed' to have happened, with a very technically detailed letter, that explained, specifically what really did happen.. Glad I spoke to that tech, I actually, did type up a resignation letter.

Becoming management, doesn't happen in a vacuum. Sometimes, it takes classes on top of real life experience.