What the hell is wrong with me?

Two weeks ago I was late for work for the first time EVER, in my entire life. I thought it was Monday and I did not have to be there until 10 a.m. They were really worried, because I've never been late. I did not answer the phone because I didn't hear it the first time they called. They were going to send someone over to the house to check on me.

Then today an employee called, she was an opener and no one else was there, no manager. I said I would be happy to run over quick (I'm the closest manager to the store) let her in and find out who was supposed to be there. Turns out it was ME, I WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THERE! In my defense I normally only have admin. hours on Friday. I have computer work to do there whenever I find the time to get there. It cannot be submitted before 3:00 p.m. on Friday, but as long as it's completed and submitted by 8:00 Saturday morning, I'm fine. I put in for vacation for Friday, Saturday, Sunday, and Monday. (With the exception of my admin duties). BUT, every time I've requested vacation in the past, there is an error in my schedule. Every time. I swear to God, I checked and double checked my schedule a month ago and I was off. I don't know what I was looking at because there I was, scheduled from open until 2:00.

I'm making stupid errors (mainly typos) lately like no tomorrow. Thus the request for vacation. This is not me. I have turned into this unreliable idiot. I don't know how to turn this around! I've been making such an effort to compensate for this fog and still I'm standing there with my head up my butt.

Hey, it's not you; the soul is willing but the you-know-what is weak!

You got a lot of stress going on elsewhere? Everyone makes mistakes and sounds like these got fixed; fix the problem not the blame; calling yourself names and thinking poorly about making a couple mistakes won't help anything?

I started a new job 15-20 or so years ago and it was raining the first day and I had my lights on and forgot to turn them off. So, I come out, my first day, after the woman I was working for/with was already gone I think, the only person I know, and my battery's dead. Needless to say, it was embarrassing. From then on, I wouldn't turn on my lights as often or checked them incessantly or wrote myself post it notes when I got in the car and turned them on, etc. but then one day, a couple months later, I decided to forgive myself, to remember who I "am" (as you know who you are) and that I have an excellent memory and decided to go back to (or, for the first time be aware of) trusting myself to remember to turn the lights off. It felt really good and I haven't had any problems since; probably because my husband does most of the driving now and headlights are automatic

Yes there is a lot of stress in my life. But when is there not? The irony here is that I just decided to let the late thing go. A couple of weeks ago I thought it was Monday, but it was Sunday. I've been working 6 - 7 days a week. Several of the shifts are not long ones, but I haven't been able to get into a routine. I need a routine.

I've gone from an attaché case to a bloody suit case for crying out loud, just because with this change of schedule I don't know what I'll need on any given day, so I haul it all around with me. My employee reviews were almost late this month. Technically they're not due until the end of the month, but I always do them within the first week. Suddenly I turned around and it was the 26th already and they weren't finished.

I have figured out what I did wrong with today's schedule. My schedule is given to me in weekly itineraries. Friday through Thursday. My sheets were not in order so when I glanced to ensure that I was off on Friday, I was looking at the 12th not the 5th. I should have caught that when I got them. But again, I am very detail orientated. I normally trust no one! When things go in my in box, I check, recheck and check again to make sure everything is in its proper order. The kicker is no one caught it. As I was leaving Thursday my GM told me to have a wonderful vacation and that she'd do the Friday admin work so I could have all four days off completely. To my face she's handing it very well. When I called to apologize she asked what I was sorry for, it was her mistake. But behind my back she said I should have caught it earlier. She's absolutely right.

My stress level will remain at this level for the next month at least. I thought I was compensating for the chaos. I just feel helpless. I finally accepted that everyone's entitled to be late for work once in their lifetime and two days later the other shoe drops.

I had the same thing happen at my last job. I think it's only human to be late once in a while (rarely, though. Too often isn't good.) I spent about a week coming to work late every day because I knew I was about to be let go. But I got over the slump. Now I'm back to my hard working, punctual self.

Don't get too upset about it. You'll get over this.

Mistakes, do happen! Just breathe! Sounds like the change in how you are scheduled, is the culprit, more than anything. Is there a pattern, to the scheduling? Or is it changing from week, to week?

I found myself, unnerved, at work, at my last location. There was a serious change to my routine, and it took, some time to make it work for me, and then it was 'noted' that my lack of 'enthusiasm' was showing. Job was being performed, and the person who filled my role, upon my promotion to a new location, heard it's just not the same, in that regard.

But, did I ever hear about it! Three times, to be exact! In my interview, for the managers position, in my job offer, and yes, in my final review under that job title.--one of my worst reviews. [Not to worry, in the employee remarks, I took accountability for that, and the wording used...Epic!!! very professionally stated, helped having been a manager before, helped having gone to the college I went to, helped listening to stories from mainly some of the men in my life, and didn't hurt concentrating my major with a couple law classes]

Oddly, enough, under my new position and title, I had my best review, ever!

Point being, structured-styled people, need consistency and structure. I had to adapt, to the major change. One of my supervisors, gave me a word of advice, on that, get finished, what I was used to finishing first, then prioritize the new tasks, after. i.e, put myself first, then the new stuff second. Not sure how that would translate, in your case, but I figured a way to squeeze minutes, that just don't exist on paper.

Do you have a phone calendar, can you track patterns of how these weekly shifts are lining up? Reminders, etc? Anything, to make your life easier?

Typos, can be from emotions coming to the surface, little distractions, I get that.

Hang in there, if people want to p*** and moan, behind your back, let them, they are probably frustrated with the employer, too!!

With my current schedule, I don't know if I'm coming or going. Within the last two months there have been last minute changes because of weddings, holiday's and summer vacations. Prior to June, I would sit down and list everything down to the detail in an excel calendar and it was posted on the core board in both my home and work offices. I put detailed alarms in my phone to tell me where I'm supposed to be and when. Things used to have a logic in them. But now things seem to be changing on a daily basis and I am struggling. I can get the work done, on time but I literally do not know what day of the week it is.

A few minutes ago, my alarm went off. I literally had to have a conversation with my husband: Is this Saturday? I'm off today right? Why am I off on a Saturday? Are you sure? Why did I set the alarm then? Oh, that's right, I was supposed to cover for X today but they made other arrangements. The anxiety and lack of sleep are definitely not helping the situation.

I guess I hope your summer goes by quickly and you get back to a regular schedule?

Sometimes it helps if you sort of laugh about it. I remember reading a book where so many things were going wrong the team decided to just assume more was going to go wrong and look for it to. They ended up practically rolling on the floor laughing, tears streaming down their faces when the plane was late AND the luggage was lost, etc. such that all the people who were apologizing profusely for causing problems, etc. were very puzzled. You just have to take some of it in stride, poop happens. No harm was done in being a few minutes late; there are "fail safes" in your plan (the employee called you, the alarm went off, etc.).

Well I double, and triple checked my schedule. Unfortunately it's easy. I have Thursday off and then I do not get another day off again until Thursday the 25th. No wonder I have no idea if I'm coming or going! Things should settle down in August... hopefully.

I am going to be scolded for the overtime. It's a vicious circle. The GM makes a rough schedule, then the scheduler makes the final draft. Every week she calls me and says "She keeps over scheduling you, I don't know what to do." We both have a break down penciled in for August.

How can you both have your breakdowns penciled for the same time? Won't one of you still be scheduled? I mean, if the GM is going to have to do more than rough scheduling because the scheduler will have had her breakdown. . . you'll still be on the hot seat?

You will be scolded for overtime, that they scheduled?

Yes, I'll be scolded for the overtime. And yes, it as scheduled. It's a contradiction I know.

When it comes time for reviews, do these things get noted? Because, a good rebuttal, sans any emotional flare, goes a long way, in a personnel file.

Do you take a detached approach, and say, OK, I get that you don't like the OT racking up due to budgetary constraints, could you advise me, with this schedule, how to accommodate your needs? ((and if they can't, just realize, for some reason, management need not bring employees into their own managerial stressors, and that they, in a way, are crossing boundaries with you, in doing so!))

My GM has many things going on at once. She'll make a rough schedule for me for example and the scheduler will tell her that she's given me way too many hours, what hours are absolutely necessary? The GM will give her a verbal list on things I must be present for (in addition to those duties that are mine alone). Then at the end of the week she'll ask me why I have so many hours. I say I show up when I'm scheduled to be here. She'll ask the scheduler why she didn't cut the hours in other places. The scheduler is clever, she now keeps the emails and memos to show her WHY I'm there so much. The person that held my position before me was salary, I am hourly.

It's almost become a running joke. Every week it's the same thing. The scheduler wants to know when to schedule someone to learn the lesser tasks that can be delegated. The GM does not approve of our choice (for reasons she will not disclose). She would rather another of my support staff take over. The GM's choice is herself being overwhelmed and does not want any more added responsibility. Her father is dying of cancer and her siblings have reverted to toddlers. She's struggling with the responsibilities that she has now. The GM's response (for the last several months): We'll discuss it again next week. In the meantime, why didn't I insist on leaving early etc etc etc. The GM established the priority list. When I broach the subject i.e. should I skip this meeting, training session etc. No, it's imperative that I attend this. We'll just make up the time later in the week. Well that day never comes. Every week the scheduler pulls out AAAAA's pink folder (containing memos and emails regarding my scheduler) and waves it around.

I do as much work as I can from home. I truly do not mind. I'm a smoker and I can do it in the comfort of my home office at my own pace. Ironically one such training was our mother corporations policy on NOT working off the clock. It is legal for me to access the virtual trainings at home, as long as that time has been logged in. We don't have time in my schedule to log it in yet, but we're keeping track .

Everything has been made even more complicated by our yearly audit, which we are currently dealing with. My schedule has become a problem there as well because to be qualified, I have to go through X training. X training takes Y hours. Y hours have not been logged in my file because there has not been time. It's exhausting! I'm on day 9 of a 13 day stretch without a day off.

I like using an Air Force motto:

The difficult we do immediately, the impossible takes a while longer."

LOL Perna! I like that motto too!

My drink cozy says: "The Good Lord only gives me as much as I can handle... Sometimes I wish that he didn't trust me so much."

Hun, you sound Covered!!!! I realize it's stressful now!! Hang in there!! Many thoughts and prayers with you through this!!

Prayers your way!!

Thanks, I hope that there is light at the end of the tunnel.