[dontstopbelieving]

I'm underemployed. I make a fairly low salary for my experience level and my job isn't challenging. I'm currently looking for other opportunities, but as many of you know, the job market is still recovering so it hasn't been easy. I've been interviewing a lot but so far haven't found the right opportunity.

My husband, on the other hand, has a great job at a great company, making a very competitive amount of money. Which is great, and I'm certainly not denying it. I'm very happy for him and fortunate to be a part of his success. The biggest problem is that he works with a lot of very successful, intelligent people who are married to/dating people who are also super successful and intelligent. I'm having trouble keeping up in social situations with these people and their spouses.

I can tell people are being condescending when they hear what I do. And I just feel so stupid! I have a bachelor's degree, but it's been a while since my brain has been challenged and I just feel like a total moron in social situations with these incredibly talented people. It doesn't help that I'm not great in social situations to begin with and I have anxiety. I hate going out to work events with the husband anyway, and this just makes it worse.

Anyone have any tips on how to deal with this??

[NWgirl2013]

It sounds like you don't value what you do either. If you want other people to respect your choices, even your 'for now' choices, you gotta respect them.

But let's forget that for a moment. I Never made a great amount of money, but I Loved what I did. I know at times people looked a little...surprised? perhaps that I was doing what I was doing. But I was so satisfied with my work and my accomplishments there, no one could look down their nose at me. Money is one thing, but true job satisfaction is hard to quantify.

I certainly would put a positive spin on whatever you say to people. And really, in social situations, a smile goes a long way. You don't have to say a word to look like you are having a great time.
And one more thing, people love to talk about themselves, so if you get stuck- ask a question, seem interested in their 'fascinating' world. They will think you are brilliant & have wonderful taste. And are very clever....

Best of luck to you

[dontstopbelieving]

Thank you NWgirl!

You're right - I don't really value what I do at this point. It's not really about the money either, I just don't think I'm doing anything valuable to society. I'm trying to find something new that makes me happy.

Good tip about asking questions! I always blank out during conversations and feel awkward. I'll try to remind myself to ask a question about what they do to get them talking about themselves (and not focusing on me)

[Perna]

I would work on my own social and other anxieties if I could; not go to events with your husband unless your husband thought it absolutely necessary. You don't enjoy them and that's not just because of your anxieties, we're allowed to prefer what we prefer.

I would try to visualize what I would like from such events, when I attend? I know with my husband's work parties, I found a wife I could talk to and at dinners and other events I would look for that person. Of course, that didn't work perfectly, that couple got divorced after only an event or two that the two of us were together

I also sort of asked my husband's help and/or depended on his judgement. People who like my husband, I figure, are going to like me? What is it you like about your husband (not "love" but "like"?); look for that in people who your husband enjoys (like you :-)

I was vague or quirky, as necessary, when I came up against accomplished people; I either talked about my reading or educational interests or grabbed something I was doing that was a little unusual (I bought a piece of a race horse, probably the tail; it was later sold as a "pet" :-) and my husband enjoys my unusual or quirky interests and often will bring them up and talk about them with pride. Who wouldn't want a wife who owned a race horse? LOL

It wasn't that big a deal but it is different from the stressful one-up-womanship of jobs and professional accomplishments? I'd develop a hobby you are really interested in and get good at it and then it won't matter, your confidence and interest in that subject will show and you won't remember to be anxious and others will be interested and asking you questions, etc., wanting to know more.