[ZenZeta]

So... if karma really is a true phenomenon, I must be paying for something REALLY bad.

I suffered my 5th lay off in June of this past year, and despite my efforts, nothing seems to be coming through. I have a looming Unemployment Benefit deadline and I am starting to panic.

I'm just over everything. My life seemingly stopped on 2/7/2012 when my baby brother hung himself. Despite that, I put on a brave face and attended the corporate meeting of the company that canned me 10 months later just 3 days after burying him. That seemed to be all that kept me going.

After that layoff, I took a job with a company with SOOO much promise (yeah right) making about 1/3 of what I used to, but it was a lot less travel. 6 months later, I get the boot again.

I can't help but realize that the only constant in this equation is ME. I get laid off because the companies can't FIRE me. I do my job... most often TOO well and to my detriment.

Most recently I was diagnosed with OCPD which has shed a lot of light on things (thought I was seeing a shrink to deal with grief following my brother's death and I get diagnosed), but it doesn't make things easier.

I'm anxious and/or sad and angry ALL the time and I can no longer afford therapy because of my financial situation. The only thing that keeps me from following in my brother's footsteps is the memories of my Dad's sobs at his funeral.

I did everything right. I went to school, got straight A's, go above and beyond on EVERY job I get, yet I keep getting canned. I just want to die...

[CrimsonBlues]

I am so sorry that you're experiencing so many blows and so much pain. I am especially sorry about your brother. That has to be absolutely horrible. I know how it feels when things pile up and it's one thing after the other. I wonder if you have someone you can talk to, face to face? It is possible to see a therapist even with financial difficulties. You have to do some research and look to find what your particular city or location offers as far as health and mental health care for a low or no cost. I know even that kind or research can be so daunting when you're feeling overwhelmed-why I was asking if there is someone who might be able to support you and help you through these steps. Please hang on. I know that when things are so dark and so painful it feels like things will never change but that is not the case. There are people out there who do care and who want to help you-and you deserve that. You deserve some peace and happiness. I hope you will return and give an update on how you are doing.

[Charlie0498]

Please don't give up! While I have not had the loss (so sorry!) I have had to deal with job loss & the frustration of knowing you did it right but can't seem to get/keep a job. There is a job out there for you! There are people there who care! Do you have a spiritual leader you could talk to? If so, not only could they be someone for you to talk to, but they may also be able to help you with therapy!
Please keep us informed on how things are going!