[Yogurtz]

P { margin-bottom: 0In the lasssEarlier this week I applied for a job at a major company here, and I can only describe the position there as a dream job for me! If I am accepted and I take the position there, it'll be the first full-time job I've ever had (I'm in my early 20s, on disability with Asperger's Syndrome), and I'll be starting at a wage of about $70, 000 to $80, 000/year .

Now the issue I have is that I am worried all the changes I will have to make to work there will overwhelm me and I'll burn myself out (it's happened before) . Change is hard for me to cope with, and such major changes in such a short period of time I fear could prove to be too much for me .

If I am accepted to work there, I will have to move across the country, and I've never lived on my own before and I'll lose all the disability/employment support I have here where I live . The organizations I am involved with here will help me find work and will intervene to support me if I am experiencing difficulties. Plus the added stress of working somewhere new and doing something I've never done before in a new place I am not familiar with .

One day I would like to work there, and in the future I can, but at this stage of my life, I don't think I am ready for it . Also, if I take the position and I buckle under the pressure from the job and the stress of the change, it'll be harder, if not impossible, to work there later on because the company has to invest so much money in me for me to work there.

Inside of me there is this battle. On the one hand, I feel it is too much, and I'd like to have more time to prepare for these kinds of changes. On the other hand, I feel like if I don't take the job and make a lot of money, I am a loser and a nobody!

What makes me feel the most comfortable is if I could find something less intimidating and stressful where I live now, with the help of my disability/employment organizations, and once I have more experience and confidence, work towards better jobs like the one I am talking about.

But does it make me a loser if I do that? When I was working at a smaller company this month, I was making around $170/day, which I didn't think was too bad, but it certainly isn't incredible! My girlfriend has a Master's Degree from a prestigious university, and I don't want her or others to think I am a loser if my job kind of sucks and doesn't make a ton of money

My therapist says I am being 'wise' by knowing my limits and what I think I can do. She said it is like lifting weights. You don't start lifting the maximum weight, you start small and build up to the larger weights, which is what I want to do, but I am afraid my GF and others will think less of me if I don't have some wicked, high-paying job .

Can someone offer me some advice on what I should do?

[gayleggg]

Have you discussed this with your GF? You might find that she thinks you wise to consider the possibilities, too. Does she want you to move so far away? Discuss your concerns with her before you assume how she is going to feel. I think you are wise to consider the possibilities, too.

When we have a mental illness it is always wise to consider how stress is going to affect us. I'm glad you have a therapist to discuss this with. I would make a list of the pros and cons and discuss it with your GF. Take it slow and don't do something just because of money. It's not everything. Quality of life means more.

[Gingersnapsmom]

You answered your own question when you wrote this paragraph:

What makes me feel the most comfortable is if I could find something less intimidating and stressful where I live now, with the help of my disability/employment organizations, and once I have more experience and confidence, work towards better jobs like the one I am talking about.

I spent a year doing anatomy and physiology I and II and other prerequisites, worked my ***** off and got into a nursing program...then 6 weeks later after a meltdown I quit the program. My biggest focus was fitting in (I work in a hospital and have LOTS of friends who are nurses) and making lots and lots of money to support my family. This was not right for me. I'm struggling because I have borderline personality and really have no idea what I like or don't but at this point I just need a full-time job so I am focusing on working full-time at something that I could actually do for the long haul. I think if you start small and work your way up until you find your comfort zone....you'll be cool.

I recently read a quote that said something to the effect of: The biggest prison we make for ourselves is worrying about what others think of us. So true!

[Yogurtz]

The GF said she supports me no matter what I chose to do, and she said she thinks what I want to do is smart, but I can't help feeling like if I don't make a lot of money now that I won't be enough. Obviously this is my own insecurity, I understand that, but I don't want her or her friends to think of me as a loser if I work a lower-end position. Why do I do this to myself?

A company I applied to where I live seems like a wonderful place for me to start . Of course I will make considerably less there, but I will be close to home, close to the supports I have, and it will be less for me to deal with at the start. Moreover, the company was really nice to me, and they seem like an awesome place to work when I was there!

But how do I shake off this feeling that I am a loser if I don't have a fancy career and a lot of money?

[Travelinglady]

I tell you, with the way the economy is in our countries, you are probably better off having such a career. I think you are smart to do that. Many people these days get a college degree and then can't find a job. I expect another job will come along. I suggest you tell the company that you would like to work for them in the future, as you say, but the timing is just not right at the moment. That local job sounds perfect.

As long as your girlfriend is not bothered, then I don't think you need to worry. I had a friend with a Ph.D. who was a college professor. She married a janitor at the college she worked at, and they were very happy.