[Over and Again]

After a verbal confrontation I had with a coworker Sat night, I said an awful thing to her and then went out drinking. I rarely drink because I just don't find it enjoyable. But I wanted to that night and I did. Later when I spoke to another coworker I was drunk by then and felt like she was against me and so I said f all of you! I quit! Then I didn't show up next morning. I've been at that serving job for 3 months after quitting another job and moving out of area to start over. Ive never had a confrontation like that here everyone has really liked me and there were never any problems. But this girl is 2 months pregnant and hormonal and screamed in my face and in the mood I was in it was hard not to take it personally.
Now I've been in bed going on third day, no shower, and I have no money I need to get out of bed and find another job so I can pay my bills and rent. I have no car so I have to walk to these places. Fine lots of people don't have a car but it all seems so daunting and worthless. I've had over 120 jobs. I have maybe 1 real friend, no family. I hate myself. I've lost hope. People look at me and see an attractive, smiling girl. Ha! Look closer the smile is fake and my left arm is covered in old cutting scars. What's the point

[Perna]

First, the exaggeration in your own head has to go. Even if you have had 6 jobs a year, it would take you 20 years to have had 120 jobs and, starting at age 15, that would put you at 35 years old and your post does not sound like that of a 35 year old?

You quit your job. . . again, like you have previous ones and this was the first one in a new place where you had told yourself you were starting over. That may just show you need to work on your communication skills. In a sense it is very good that you have a nice "pattern" going; that's how we learn, by looking for patterns? Put learning better communication skills on your list of things to work on after you get this next job.

In addition to the exaggeration, how about the merging of different problems and making everything seem a mess?

1. Get out of bed and take a shower.
2. Take stock of your money situation, how much you have for this month, how much you need through November 30, how much food you have on hand, what your plans are for Thanksgiving and if you can borrow any money from anyone then, etc.
3. Use your phone/computer to find 3 restaurants/job possibilities in your walking area.
4. Get up by 9:00 a.m. on Wednesday and take a shower. Go fill out an application for a job. Use your phone/computer to find the local library and check out books on anger, communication, stress relief, and look for neighborhood brochures on meetings, groups, classes, anything that interests you that is group-oriented where you can observe and practice interacting with others.
5. Get up by 9:00 a.m. on Thursday and take a shower. Go fill out an application for a job. Decide on 2-3 group-oriented activities to investigate.
6. Get up by 9:00 a.m. on Friday and take a shower. Go fill out an application for a job.

Just doing something makes us feel better than doing nothing. You cannot steer a parked car?

Just make a list of what to do next and then, whatever you decide to do, see if you can make it enjoyable? You have worked a lot of jobs, which worked best for you? If you liked working at "that" Irish restaurant 3 years ago best, could you figure out how to apply to all the Irish restaurants in the area

[Over and Again]

I appreciate your response, it does sound like a pathetic, exaggerating, oh poor me victim load of crap doesn't it? I'm not exaggerating, I'm counting all the jobs I've interviewed and been hired for and for fear or whatever reason never went or did but only for a day, a week, a month. I have no reason to exaggerate or lie, I just joined this site for help. I'm an honest person. I do not have anger issues. You try to sit there while someone screams in your face for no other reason than she's hormonal, and just take it. Perhaps u could but for me it triggered something and I called her a ****. Really I was just looking for someone to tell me everything is going to be okay. So thanks anyway I'll get my help elsewhere.
Borderline Disorder Sucks

[H3rmit]

Originally Posted by Over and Again

After a verbal confrontation I had with a coworker Sat night, I said an awful thing to her and then went out drinking. I rarely drink because I just don't find it enjoyable. But I wanted to that night and I did. Later when I spoke to another coworker I was drunk by then and felt like she was against me and so I said f all of you! I quit! Then I didn't show up next morning. I've been at that serving job for 3 months after quitting another job and moving out of area to start over. Ive never had a confrontation like that here everyone has really liked me and there were never any problems. But this girl is 2 months pregnant and hormonal and screamed in my face and in the mood I was in it was hard not to take it personally.

Have you considered telling your ex-boss you realize you screwed up, and you don't usually drink, but alcohol got the better of you and could you have your job back? If you are a good server, they may want you back despite this error. Some people do things like this all the time and hold down jobs. You quit, but it sounds like you consider that a mistake, right? Maybe it's possible to go back. Easier than starting fresh. People from the past will turn up to bite you in the butt anyway, so you might as well at least try facing the music now -- that's my philosophy. And next time, of course, don't burn bridges.

[Over and Again]

I did consider it H3rmit but after my behavior I wouldn't feel comfortable being there. I would constantly be thinking everyone hates me and as immature as that makes me sound (yes, I am 31yrs old Perna) it's true and when I'm uncomfortable the crazy comes out. I really am losing all hope here but I've been here before and made it through so I'm going to take Pernas advice and wake up early tomorrow and try for near by job. I'm also going to try to find a therapist that'll work on a sliding scale.
Perna, I can't speak for everyone else but I assume that people who post here are looking for compassion and someone to listen. You are not a therapist don't try to solve people's problems and certainly don't call them liars. I do realize you were only trying to help so I thank you but that's how I feel.

[Perna]

Over and Again, I am sorry you thought I was calling you a liar and was not sympathetic to your situation. I thought you wanted suggestions on how to get out of bed and ideas for finding a point and responded to your post on how I would proceed in your situation.