At 3 consecutive jobs now, I have worked with women who have treated me badly. If I object to the treatment with the slightest increase in the volume of my voice they complain to management that I am being abusive. However, it's they who are being abusive to me! I have been the subject of sexual harassment and a recipient of repeated verbal abuse and rudeness. But, if I object in the slightest or am shocked at what they say and react as shocked, then they complain about me.

I don't know what to do. I am a fair and decent person and am being taken advantage of. No one will hire me now but I have never harmed anyone.

What do I do? I am not a stone who can take repeated abuse. And, I cannot afford to walk off a job in protest. No one seems to care when I complain or explain my side of the story. The abuse has been so severe that I have developed c-PTSD. I am experiencing c-PTSD attacks dozens of times daily. There is no cure for this condition. Still, I would prefer to work than be on disability.

[Koko2]

What field of work are you in? Why do you think they abuse you? Any examples of abuse? What first steps do you take to address the issue before raising your voice? How do they sexually abuse you?

Originally Posted by Koko2

What field of work are you in? Why do you think they abuse you? Any examples of abuse? What first steps do you take to address the issue before raising your voice? How do they sexually abuse you?

I was a paralegal working in a law firm.

Here are some examples:
1. A co-worker asked me if I liked to sleep around. I tried to dodge the question and get back to work but she was insistent. Fearing that she was hitting on me, I replied "no, I don't sleep around" thinking what's the harm? Her reply was to say that she believed in free love and that my thoughts were now harassing her. Management bought her story and asked me to move my desk. This co-worker had been harassing me for months beforehand and I had managed to ignore / tolerate it before that. At one point she insulted me daily. (She was the receptionist and most likely the girlfriend of the lesbian senior partner.) When I complained about her daily insults to management, they said I had to understand that she had emotional problems for which she had to take numerous medications daily. They did not reprimand her. Management seemed afraid to reprimand her.

2. One day at my last permanent job, my manager came up to my desk and asked "so you're leaving?" I did not know what she was talking about and did not answer. Apparently, they had decided to downgrade my job description. Later, she yelled at me that my job was not doable. I refused to resign and was treated as insubordinate for months for not resigning. Finally, one day she threw a tantrum about a missing letter. I knew it was not on my desk. Finally, I asked her - don't you have it? Didn't I give it to you a few weeks ago? It's on your desk - I'm sure. She went ballistic and I became panicked. To end the tirade, I got up and went to her office, looked on her desk, saw the letter and brought it to her. I complained that she had been harassing me for months. I was fired even though my manager and her bosses had a reputation for harassment.

3. I had a temp secretary job and a new female temp was repeatedly rude. Finally, I said "don't talk to me like that." She was inept at everything but office politics. She would start arguments and blame me. Unfortunately - again - my boss was a woman who asked me to explain my behavior after the other temp complained daily. I replied that I had in fact been nice to her and helped her but that she was a shark trying to make me look bad as she considered me competition for a possible full-time job. The other temp - as many of my female bosses - had no compassion for anyone but other women. I was given the harshest of treatment while the women could get away on their charm even though the quality of my work was far superior.

This is a repeated pattern that I have experienced for over 20 years. I am not a stone. Eventually, I will break under such abusive treatment. Sadly, it seems that people enjoy doing this to me, as if I am less than human. I suspect that since I am gay there is also anti-gay prejudice involved. I am at my wits end. I just want a job where I can work hard, collect a paycheck and go home.

[IndieVisible]

The gay thing might explain 2 of those jobs but not the one where your boss was a lesbian, they tend to be very tolerant of gays even up to transgendered ones. So I think it must be some thing else. It could very well be a personality trait you have that your over looking or missing. I can tell you I have worked for a lot of women and some jobs 80% women. I am hardly a ideal worker but I never had a problem. I have noticed female bosses are much more strict then male bosses, usually any ways. Some people are really good at reading people and picking up on their weaknesses and then pushing the right buttons. I would suggest examining your personality closer and or ask some one you can trust that would be honest what they think. You don't have a sign on your forehead that says pick on me. It could very well be a personality trait though. I don't think it's because your gay. Good luck to you!

Originally Posted by IndieVisible

The gay thing might explain 2 of those jobs but not the one where your boss was a lesbian, they tend to be very tolerant of gays even up to transgendered ones. So I think it must be some thing else. It could very well be a personality trait you have that your over looking or missing. I can tell you I have worked for a lot of women and some jobs 80% women. I am hardly a ideal worker but I never had a problem. I have noticed female bosses are much more strict then male bosses, usually any ways. Some people are really good at reading people and picking up on their weaknesses and then pushing the right buttons. I would suggest examining your personality closer and or ask some one you can trust that would be honest what they think. You don't have a sign on your forehead that says pick on me. It could very well be a personality trait though. I don't think it's because your gay. Good luck to you!

Actually, the lesbian boss was the worst. She was a bully and very proud of it. How did she get away with it? Her lover was the office manager. She and her other lesbian staff members enjoyed mistreating the other employees and the mistreatment continued with former employees who they would give negative references to so that they could not find other jobs. I was not the only gay man who was mistreated there. After that bullying - and a few other episodes not involving that office - I have wanted nothing to do with lesbians.

I am a very good worker but not a macho man. That makes me an easy target.

[I am human]

I am a heterosexual female and I feel your pain I am not working right now but for years I worked in the banking field and I had a problem with alot of the women.I am very quite and keep to myself and I wonder if that makes people uncomfortable ? sometimes they act like you think your better,when you are just working and keeping your business to yourself!
Not sure if this is part of your personality but that is what mine would stem from and I would have to go on leave of absence due to harassment sometimes. its horrible I hope you find a decent workplace where you can have a career.

[Koko2]

Originally Posted by unguy

I was a paralegal working in a law firm.

Here are some examples:
1. A co-worker asked me if I liked to sleep around. I tried to dodge the question and get back to work but she was insistent. Fearing that she was hitting on me, I replied "no, I don't sleep around" thinking what's the harm? Her reply was to say that she believed in free love and that my thoughts were now harassing her. Management bought her story and asked me to move my desk.
.
2. ....Finally, one day she threw a tantrum about a missing letter. I knew it was not on my desk. Finally, I asked her - don't you have it? Didn't I give it to you a few weeks ago? It's on your desk - I'm sure. She went ballistic and I became panicked. To end the tirade, I got up and went to her office, looked on her desk, saw the letter and brought it to her. I complained that she had been harassing me for months. I was fired even though my manager and her bosses had a reputation for harassment.

3. I had a temp secretary job and a new female temp was repeatedly rude. Finally, I said "don't talk to me like that." She was inept at everything but office politics. She would start arguments and blame me. Unfortunately - again - my boss was a woman who asked me to explain my behavior after the other temp complained daily.
.
Sadly, it seems that people enjoy doing this to me, as if I am less than human. I suspect that since I am gay there is also anti-gay prejudice involved. .

1. is rather ridiculous, but I guess they split PC hairs over everything in the legal profession.
2. sounded like they were just looking for an excuse to get rid of you.
3. was a temp job and those jobs are very "fire at will". I was let go from several temp jobs for the slightest reason.

What part of the country do you live? In most places, I agree there's an anti-gay prejudice. I'm an older celibate bachelor and consider myself straight (I haven't had gay sex or relationships and don't wish to), but coworkers habitually treat me as though I'm gay which is to say they treat me badly. Coworkers will always try to find an advantage, often by means of social/sexual status rather than work performance.

Some ideas. Get out of the legal profession. Legal beagles seem to welcome conflict as a general rule. Move to a city like San Francisco. Make sure your new boss is a male before taking any potential new job.

I am at my wits end. I just want a job where I can work hard, collect a paycheck and go home.

Amen to that. It's been a long draught for me in that department too.

Originally Posted by Koko2

What part of the country do you live? In most places, I agree there's an anti-gay prejudice. I'm an older celibate bachelor and consider myself straight (I haven't had gay sex or relationships and don't wish to), but coworkers habitually treat me as though I'm gay which is to say they treat me badly. Coworkers will always try to find an advantage, often by means of social/sexual status rather than work performance.

Some ideas. Get out of the legal profession. Legal beagles seem to welcome conflict as a general rule. Move to a city like San Francisco. Make sure your new boss is a male before taking any potential new job.

I live in NYC. I am in my mid-50's. It will be hard to start a new career in a new town. I am thinking of moving to New England but not changing careers. For some reason, I do not relate well to the west coast or other parts of the USA.

[IndieVisible]

Damn what luck you got a control freak lesbian, most are very tolerant of gay men. Also my last boss was a female she was str8 but there was a gay male in our group that quickly moved up way to fast and every one thought it was because he was gay. But he was in his 20's and was overly feminine more female then most females actually. Did not act like any gay men I ever met, yet for some reason my boss loved him. Go figure. Don't give you will find a spot where it's a good fit. But I would definitely get out of NYC! New England states are beautiful and the cost of living is more reasonable for NYS. Good Luck!

[Sharp_Lace]

I'm sorry your having so much bad luck with this.

I'm female and I still have this problem. Not to be sexist or anything but females are more likely to start drama in a work place for no reason.
Two of my female co-workers are trying to get each other fired right now.
The only way to get past this is stay at the place longer than the evil rude girls who will eventually quit. Then try and make friends as fast as possible with any new people that are hired.

When I was first hired at the place I work. Like a legal insurance company my co-workers harrassed me all the time. Even the one that would hang out with me after work would be talking horrible things behind my back when I would come to our section. But I've been her over two years and two of the women quit and the new hires have a little more respect for me. I still have the problem with the women harrassing me some times too, but can't say anything about it because they are friends with my female boss. -_-

Just try and be positive and relize women are trying to make friends with as many people as possible in the work place because most of there drama is popularty fighting. So befriend them and listen to all the trash the talk.......... *sigh*...

Good luck, just know when applying for jobs. Past employers are not allowed to say why you where fired so that is a + for you.

Modern women bosses have learned a very effective and underhanded game - mistreat people until you drive them crazy. When you finally crack and say something, they then complain that you are violent when the furthest thing could be the truth. Their long-term rudeness and game playing has merely finally taken its toll and me - a man - is the real victim.

Regardless of whether it's illegal or not, the game continues after you've been fired. Even though negative references are illegal, they give them anyway because if they didn't then word would get out about their evil games and no one would want to work for them. Further, I've had these employers call my prior employers asking them to not give me referrals. The result is that no one will now hire me. Good luck getting an attorney - these cases don't pay enough to validate their time and effort.

This mean and evil game is becoming more and more common. It has ruined my career and given me c-PTSD which is not curable. I think of suicide daily.

[healingme4me]

I was about to say, that I was just talking to a friend of mine, and we both agreed, we'd rather work with all men, and hear 'gruff' comments, than the catiness that exists with working with all women.

Are you, currently in counseling for these dark thoughts?

Originally Posted by healingme4me

Are you, currently in counseling for these dark thoughts?

Yes. Nothing has helped though. My T said that getting a job would be the best treatment for it but no one will hire me because of the negative reviews.

[wife22]

I think it depends on your coworkers personality .i do work with both genders as colleagues and customers .agree that some females tend to be unfair(confidence issues maybe )
But I have been told boldly in the beginning of my career:"your place is at home as a trophy ,taking care of kids ."My professional opinion was rudely disregarded until later same person apologized not for being rude and discriminative ,but for missing what was supposed to be taken care of .all that because I was younger woman .... It took me a year to prove I am a professional ,now they treat me with respect
Stay professional but not submissive
There are always hard headed and abusive people around
Do not let it shut you down