[Sarah9999]

I’ve been bullied at work by the Vice President of a global company for the last year. After some counselling and research on the internet, I finally managed to organise a meeting to talk about some of the issues with him. Although I explained that I was comfortable with my abilities and felt that he wasn’t comfortable with my abilities he replied that I was paranoid to my face a number of times.

The project I am working on is becoming successful in the US but I have some concerns it will not come to the UK where I live so I organised a meeting to ask formal questions about the future of the product and my future at the company. Most of the questions were answered fairly well apart from the questions about my future. He said that I do not want to do some of the work he suggests at times. I said that this was not true of me and I asked for examples which he couldn’t give. He also said if the product did not come to the UK, I would still be in my role working globally. So ok, I would still have a job.

He also mentioned that I wasn’t easy to read, at the same time watching me for quite a while. He explained that his management style was to test the waters with people and to see how they react. I suggested that I would prefer a more direct approach. He also said repeatedly he would not change to be more direct and I had to change. He said I needed to start reading him. I now know that bullies play mind games to control other people. As he said I wasn’t easy to read is he failing to control me ?

I want the bullying to stop and I don’t want to play any mind games. I realised what kind of person he was a while ago and I have made sure I have not been readable. Going forwards I want to ensure I am not affected by his bullying and I have also started looking for another job. I will be sad to leave some good colleagues. I will miss the thrill of working on this project. It has brought out the best in me and the best work I feel I have ever done. I queried my pay increase with HR and they confirmed that anything above X% (she told me what X% was) was considered good. HR said that they noticed on the list at the time that my pay rise was good. It was approx. 2.5 times greater than the X% figure.

I’m confused. Looking for some insight as to what is occurring, why and how best to deal.

Thank you

[Travelinglady]

Hi, Sarah9999, and welcome to Psych Central! I think I would find this guy hard to deal with, too. Do you have to actually spend much time working with him?

I do suggest you apply for some other jobs. But I am wondering why you are thinking you need to make sure to be unreadable. I am not concern he is trying to control you by his methods. What do your colleagues think about him?

[Sarah9999]

Thank you travelinglady.

I've travelled to the US with manager and my boyfriend (who also works on the project team) a few times. The bullying is worse in the US. I've missed a couple of trips after the first confrontation (where he called me paranoid). I went over there again recently and the bullying occurred in the last week. (Manager doesn't ask me to US he asks my boyfriend if I want to go)

In the UK, he's generally fine with me and seems far more relaxed. I see him with other team members for a meeting once a week and I update him on my work but apart from that I am left to my own devices. I pretty much manage my work.

To be fair, I hear one woman in the UK moaning about him but the people she speaks to don’t respond (I think because he is the manager of the UK and works quite near to us) My line manager has said briefly (without me asking) that she's had some problems with him. She feels it's because she is a woman and doesn't have a particular role. Now that I'm working on the project I don't work with her team. I've heard a couple of people who have left his team are much happier away from him

I've become unreadable because I’ve felt he has been reading me...and I feel his reading is for the wrong reasons…I'm passive by nature and I believe I've been a soft target for him. To help myself, I'm currently reading about assertiveness. I want to carry on working for the company but without the bullying of course. I'm also open to other job opportunities within the company and not necessarly in the UK. However at the same time, I'm keeping my eye out on jobs in other companies and will apply only if they appeal to me rather than just escaping... I'm also seeing this as a learning exercise for me so that bullying does not occur again to me. It has happened before in another company but not as bad as this. I feel I need to deal with the manager first and move on to another company if it gets worse, despite my best efforts. I feel so strong about what I’m writing in the last paragraph but when the intimidating etc occurs I weaken.

Thank you

[dedicated]

As I see in your posts, you are profitable to the company, smart and observant. Your pay raise proved you are doing extra ordinary job. Sounds like the VP doesn't appreciate women's capabilities.

You are well organized, you have plans A and B in place and you have the best career portfolio. Hence, you are all set to what you decide to do.

"I'm also seeing this as a learning exercise for me so that bullying does not occur again to me. It has happened before in another company but not as bad as this." How about looking at these unpleasant experiences as challenges that you overcame and made you the best of you?

You have a very bright future young lady. Keep up the good work! Challenges are set to strengthen you. Feel good that you had them which made you progressive if not successful yet. Be thankful for the difficult times, you grow wiser during those times!

[Sarah9999]

Thank you Dedicated ! Appreciate.

Your reply is so what I needed at this moment to help me believe in myself and assure myself that I am in fact making the right moves. Sometimes its difficult to see through all the confusion and mess of it all and grab hold of what's right and move forward with it.

[dedicated]

My pleasure Sarah. Just keep your career portfolio open, update regularly as you accomplish a job. I am glad you are strengthening your self confidence by doing what you have to do which not so many had done the way you are doing. I agree, sometimes we don't know their intentions but as long as you are considering unusual actions positively, you can get through worse until you feel that you had gone through worst and nothing else would destroy you. Don't be intimidated and gather all facts the right way so, you will be equipped with proper tools when you need them.

You are doing a great job young lady!!! I am proud of you and you should be more proud of yourself than how I am.