[damage_case1987]

Hi

Im 27, from Delhi,India. Among many other personality/depression related disorders I have, the one thats irritating the hell out of me is the self defeating/destructive behavior I possess.

My interests dont go with the usual Indian mindset and middle of the road career ideologies at all. Hence, I am sadly a slave to the grind, a rat behind a pied piper.

Since almost 5 years Ive been working at a couple of IT firms.

To keep the long story short... I see a lot of back stabbing, job snatching, office politics that irks me. But due to my self defeating behavior, I give in to my enemies (which is everyone) and cause myself my own loss.

Case in point... even though I hate it, I let others take advantage of me. Juniors/others keep hounding me to teach them what I do. And then they steal my position.
Seniors/colleagues dont share their work/assignments coz I am new. And I let them. Even though at night I cant sleep over it. And complain to the manager, and ofcourse nothing happens.
I see hounding scoundrels who want to glaum down any work that comes their way even if it means pushing me out of the way to add brownie points in their CV, so I just move away from a project coz it seems like too much of a piggish gangban%g for me to be involved in. It doesnt help my anxiety anyways.

Please help. I can elaborate about my other disorders later.

[sideblinded]

Hi damage_case1987

Thanks for sharing your experiences at work. I have also encountered childish back-stabbing behavior in my jobs and it is a very difficult thing to deal with. Since I have anxiety as well I have always needed to take the approach that best suits not causing me more anxiety unless I really need to stand up where in the long run it will lower my anxiety. It sounds to me that you are trying to keep your anxiety levels down but do think about what you can or are willing to do that will help you long term. Try if you can to look at a longer range of time and see if your present coping skills are working for you.

I wish you the very best.

[CosmicRose]

Hi I'm really sorry you're going through this. Perhaps if you detach yourself emotionally from the office politics you will feel better. My advice is to focus on your own happiness at work every day, that is the most important. Go to work with a smile on your face, not caring about what others at work do, or who's out to get you, or how other people are being promoted. Your bosses will notice your happy attitude, they will notice the smile on your face. You can be detached from your work while still being a good employee. Do all of your work duties, but do them knowing it doesn't affect you negatively.
You can go into work every day in a happy mood, still do your job, but remain relatively unattached to coworkers or any drama.

If a coworker asks for your help, you can either help them or you can say you're too busy right now, or you can say go ask the boss, or you can say go ask so-and-so, or you can say any number of things. If you feel like someone is stealing your ideas or work and using it to get promoted before you, then just be selective about how you help.

There are two ways to look at that - if you help them, it might get back to your boss and they might see how helpful you're being. Or you can just say you're too busy right now and so-and-so might be able to help them with that, in which case it won't threaten your own promotion etc...
Maybe these people are coming to you because they value your expertise? That's a good thing. If others are being promoted more than you, perhaps you can ask for a promotion?

The best way to deal with anxiety is to not care so much. Thus, detaching yourself from the situation. That way you can remain happy anywhere you are and it won't matter who's around you or what you're doing at work because you won't be putting so much pressure on yourself.

[damage_case1987]

Originally Posted by CosmicRose

Hi I'm really sorry you're going through this. Perhaps if you detach yourself emotionally from the office politics you will feel better. My advice is to focus on your own happiness at work every day, that is the most important. Go to work with a smile on your face, not caring about what others at work do, or who's out to get you, or how other people are being promoted. Your bosses will notice your happy attitude, they will notice the smile on your face. You can be detached from your work while still being a good employee. Do all of your work duties, but do them knowing it doesn't affect you negatively.
You can go into work every day in a happy mood, still do your job, but remain relatively unattached to coworkers or any drama.

If a coworker asks for your help, you can either help them or you can say you're too busy right now, or you can say go ask the boss, or you can say go ask so-and-so, or you can say any number of things. If you feel like someone is stealing your ideas or work and using it to get promoted before you, then just be selective about how you help.

There are two ways to look at that - if you help them, it might get back to your boss and they might see how helpful you're being. Or you can just say you're too busy right now and so-and-so might be able to help them with that, in which case it won't threaten your own promotion etc...
Maybe these people are coming to you because they value your expertise? That's a good thing. If others are being promoted more than you, perhaps you can ask for a promotion?

The best way to deal with anxiety is to not care so much. Thus, detaching yourself from the situation. That way you can remain happy anywhere you are and it won't matter who's around you or what you're doing at work because you won't be putting so much pressure on yourself.

Thanks CosmicRose. You hit it right out of the ballpark.
A lot of people advise people like us to start enjoying our work/career which might not be right since 99% of human population is not doing what they really enjoy.
Yet working on our own happiness (although selfish but not as selfish as backstabbers) will help us get rid of the negativity and anxiety.

The reason I dont want to help others is that, thats what Ive done all my life. Although going through depression and suicidal episodes etc. Im the funniest guy around.

I help others and they smirk at me and even come out with statements that prove that their aim is to learn something by hook or by crook and eventually move up the ladder coz now they are in their 30s dont want to study since they are busy with kids and their "old ways".
Meanwhile, when I seek out help or even transfer of official work related knowledge, everyone just runs away. They keep their secrets guarded so that I may not be involved in those processes and eventually lag behind, keeping them the dependable party.

I really feel running away from it all but then again I cant turn into a hermit and go on a saintly world tour.