I'm a controlled independent contractor....

Good Morning Everyone,

I just finished a four-day mini trip to Southwest Florida for my 27th birthday. It was great! Four days away from work - it's been since Christmas since I've done that -- and most importantly, four days just to be myself, to enjoy my own authenticity and identity, instead of being anxious and trying to please others.

At 27, now, I am tired of living for others, or for the fear of others' rejection and disappointment. I haven't been living for me for a long time. I've had a therapist that recently switched jobs and doesn't work private practice anymore, and even though she sees me over Skype, I know she's not engaged, and having her as a therapist in this way for the last 6 months has probably been a disadvantage to my recovery, too.

I've been depressed for several months - while I need to stop the here-and-there gaps of forgetting to take my medicine (probably since I'm so concerned about the outcome of the day and pleasing others), and need to take way better care of myself, I think it's also due to feeling like I'm in a rat race, just trying to stay afloat, to keep people happy so I can make money and live the way I want to.

It hasn't been fun - and I've been struggling with my "boss" for a long time, a tug-of-war of control of sorts. You see, I am an independent contractor, which means I am not an employee - no benefits; if he said he no longer wanted me to work full time (40 hours + a week) for him, I would not be eligible for unemployment benefits. I pay more taxes than an employee, and I"m responsible for them in full, etc. I can work for any other employer I want by law since I'm an independent contractor. But the annoying part is that a lot of the time, he doesn't treat his "main people" like independent contractors; instead, like employees. According to the IRS, he doesn't have a right to tell us when we work, how we complete it - just that we complete the tasks. But he's taking advantage of four of us right now, or at least sometimes it feels like it, by not giving us any benefits, yet expecting the "team" to stay cohesive at all times, coming in 9-5, etc. He began his company as a startup last year, so I joined, left a company with benefits and salary because I wasn't happy. Because my illness lends itself better to more freedom and flexibility. I was intrigued by the independent contractor concept, because it finally gave me control. But now, a year later, he's treating us like employees, and it works on most days when there is nothing else planned, but for instance, this afternoon, he wants me to travel with him, probably 6-7 hour roundtrip down to Palm Beach, a 2 hour dinner or so (that's a full day's work, really), plus work this afternoon too...I won't get home tonight until 12 or 1, then have to drive my car home -- not good for my sleep schedule -- but he feels entitled, telling me on Wednesday (you're going to have a long day) -- as if I was going to come in at 9.

Coming in at 4 o'clock today would give me probably more than a whole day's work. And he wanted me to come in at 9 AM, work the entire day, then do a 7-9 hour trip. Yeah right! I'm an independent contractor and That is WAY too long of a day - I don't think he wants to really be paying for that many hours of work, either.

So, scared as I always am ( can't stick up for myself), I wrote him an email this morning, telling him I would work at home (I work in digital marketing so this is very possible) until after lunch, then come in, work there a couple hours, then go on the trip. This is highly reasonable to me, since i need to care for myself, and I sent the email about an hour ago knowing he might not like it, but nonetheless, I am an adult, I have to take control of my life, even if others are going to be disappointed.

I have done a lot of CBT work, and one of my exercises in this situation would be to tell myself that if it were anyone else, I would think this proposition is more than reasonable. But I live in fear of others.

I'm tired of it. I need to take my life back - even if that meant losing this "job", not knowing what I'm doing anymore. I feel so not me.

I wonder what advice you have for living more authentically and being true to yourself instead of others? It's REALLY been contributing to ill health and depression for me lately.

In the UK a 'contractor' can legally be seen as an employee with holiday pay, national insurance, pension rights etc under certain conditions: https://www.gov.uk/employment-status...yed-contractor

Maybe your region has something similar?

Here in the US, we don't get the same benefits. That's why if you're an independent contractor, you don't take too kindly to being treated like an employee if you don't have the rights to benefits and can actually be let go at any time, ineligible for even unemployment. I wish I was in the UK!

If you live your life worried about pleasing others, you will be living THEIR life, instead of your own. Be authentic.

Take that "can't stick up for yourself"---what you mean is you CHOOSE not to, and I know how hard that is. I used to lecture myself when I had to confront someone...and I would do it, but scared. I would tell myself that if I didn't confront abuse/disrespect it was the same as saying it was okay. No one else can live your life, and it is all about choices......perhaps keep a journal of how you did.....x,y,z.....every journey begins with one baby steps and eventually bigger steps and you feel better about yourself. You can do it!

OMG, I feel like I am in the same boat, a contractor who is being treated as an employee the longer I stay - and I don't know how to stop it. I really think they need to hire an employee, not a contractor, but I don't want to work for them.

I think what you did was good - tell him what you are willing to do instead of letting him tell you what you have to do. I don't ask for days off - I tell them what days I am taking. It's such a strange line. I would prefer having more clients than just working for the one like I am.

How did your client respond?

I've had bosses that do this kind of thing to contractors. These are horrible people who are unlikely to change. Even if you politely point out the law, I doubt it will do any good. I worked for one of these entitles "users" before and it isn't worth it in the long run. If you go above and beyond they expect it and never appreciate it.