[cslh500]

I'm feeling completely lost with my career. I'm only 22 but feel like I've messed up my life and my depression/anxiety is making it impossible to change. I've always been a high achiever getting good grades in school, went to a good uni and eventually graduated with an upper second class degree. During my second year I first suffered depression but after a year I went to my doctors, got put on fluoxetine and everything seemed to look up within a few months of taking the pills and eventually came off them. I worked part time for a major retailer during my time at uni and I was lucky enough to get accepted onto their graduate scheme upon completion of my degree. Slowly over the year and a half I've been on the scheme the company has knocked me down continuously to the point I have very little confidence left and I've just had to go on sick because I was spending every day and night in a panic, I know my depression has come back but I also have severe anxiety where I can't face going back to work. I know I need to leave but my confidence is so shot I don't feel like anyone else will every want to employ me. I feel like I've completely messed up and I'm worried about quitting because if there's a break in my employment any prospective new employer will want to know why and I don't know how to explain it.

I don't really know why I've posted this here and don't know what I expect to hear from anyone to make me feel any better because at the moment I just feel completely lost and like a huge failure. I suppose I was wondering have other people been at this stage and come out the other side? Any help really would be appreciated.

[CANDC]

Hi cslh. Welcome to Psych Central. So sorry you are suffering from so many challenges. Building self esteem is very important when confronted with so many challenges at work.
Building Self-Esteem | Psych Central

Many people here at PC find they can share these feelings and what they are going through with the confidence that people go through similar things and can empathize. So many forums are offered as well as Chatrooms (after you have 5 posts or comments on others posts). Depression chat meets on Thursday night at 9pm EST and Anxiety Friday at 8PM.

You can also be an active member in other ways like supporting others in their questions, reading articles and posts http://forums.psychcentral.com that are applicable to your area of concern.

Please feel free to private message me or any of the Community Liaisons by left clicking on the name in blue to the left of their post) for questions or just to share.

For me lifestyle changes fit big in my recovery hopes.

I have to watch what I eat because foods I eat can stabilize my moods or exaggerate them. A high protein low carb diet with snacks or meals every 3-4 hours will over time reduce my swings. I also avoid alcohol and recreational drugs because those can really increase depression.

Other lifestyle changes that help me are doing yoga, exercises, mindfulness, calm music, and being active on Psych Central.

[JustJenny]

Hi there,

Doctoral student here 3rd month on my sick leave. Are you sure you're depressed and not burned out? I was first misdiagnosed with depression and anxiety and put on Paxil. It helped a little but then I started panicking about my work again.

Originally Posted by cslh500

Slowly over the year and a half I've been on the scheme the company has knocked me down continuously to the point I have very little confidence left and I've just had to go on sick because I was spending every day and night in a panic, I know my depression has come back but I also have severe anxiety where I can't face going back to work. I know I need to leave but my confidence is so shot I don't feel like anyone else will every want to employ me. I feel like I've completely messed up and I'm worried about quitting because if there's a break in my employment any prospective new employer will want to know why and I don't know how to explain it.

Same problems here. I felt like I was useless at work and that I got hired because I have tricked everybody into thinking I am something good. I would cry at work and I would cry at home. I lost my motivation to do my research and my enthusiasm and passion went extinct. I would wake up in the middle of the night having having work conversations in my head. I am afraid that I will get fired and then will not find another job because my mind is so messed up.

Have you seen a real mental health professional and not a GP? What you are describing sounds like a burnout because it is work centered.

[ComfortablyNumb5]

I think you need a break if financially possible. I just started a new job three wks ago. I HAD to and I wasn't ready. Already cried on the job and when I leave I'm in tears by the time I get to my car. I know I wasn't ready to go back mentally. I've had gaps in my work history because of my BP episodes but if I'm asked about it I have to lie. There is no option telling an interviewer I'm BP. At least not for me. I say I was helping out with my dads business which I sometimes do anyway. If you're not seeing a therapist I think you really should. Perhaps consider meds for your depression and anxiety if you aren't on any now. There's nothing wrong with it. I wouldn't worry about not being able to find another job. You're so young still. You have many options in front of you. Many jobs you can find and be comfortable with. Maybe start looking for another job now and then when you find something, put in your notice with the current job.

[Conversio]

I understand. I felt that way once. But if you keep working hard and keep your head up you'll figure it out. After three stints in the psych unit, ECT, countless meds, etc., I got my life on track and now have a great career, despite Bipolar Disorder. If you want to read more check out my blog: conversioblog.wordpress.com.

[hvert]

You haven't ruined your career - at 22 you are still feeling your way around your career and anyone who considers you for future employment will understand that. Don't let this company ruin your self-confidence. Just because this place is a bad fit doesn't mean that you can't do very well somewhere else where people are more willing to work with you. I would keep this job, if possible, while looking for a job elsewhere.

[failer33]

your doing better then me i was **** in school suffer from deslexia slow learner bullyd faild at everything but art and drama. ..im 32 now still live with mum and i never had a real job. so look on the brightside at least you have experinced a job and were good in school.

[deafgirl92]

I just want you to know that you are not alone. When I was 22 I was doing absolutely nothing with my life. I was working a part time job and crashing on my friends couch. I had no plans for my future. Then one day I woke up and decided that I had enough. I enrolled back in college. Now I am almost done with my bachelors degree and I work a full time job. You don't have to have everything figured out right now. You will get there trust me. Take a deep breath and enjoy life. You've got this. You already have accomplished way more than I did at your age!

Originally Posted by cslh500

I'm feeling completely lost with my career. I'm only 22 but feel like I've messed up my life and my depression/anxiety is making it impossible to change. I've always been a high achiever getting good grades in school, went to a good uni and eventually graduated with an upper second class degree. During my second year I first suffered depression but after a year I went to my doctors, got put on fluoxetine and everything seemed to look up within a few months of taking the pills and eventually came off them. I worked part time for a major retailer during my time at uni and I was lucky enough to get accepted onto their graduate scheme upon completion of my degree. Slowly over the year and a half I've been on the scheme the company has knocked me down continuously to the point I have very little confidence left and I've just had to go on sick because I was spending every day and night in a panic, I know my depression has come back but I also have severe anxiety where I can't face going back to work. I know I need to leave but my confidence is so shot I don't feel like anyone else will every want to employ me. I feel like I've completely messed up and I'm worried about quitting because if there's a break in my employment any prospective new employer will want to know why and I don't know how to explain it.

I don't really know why I've posted this here and don't know what I expect to hear from anyone to make me feel any better because at the moment I just feel completely lost and like a huge failure. I suppose I was wondering have other people been at this stage and come out the other side? Any help really would be appreciated.

[LostIntrovert]

Hi cslh500. If you're only 22, you haven't ruined your career. You still have a lot of time to figure things out. A lot of people take time off right after college to travel etc. so I wouldn't even worry too much about a break in your employment if it's just a few months or so.

I'm 30 and in a situation very similar to yours--burned out, struggling with depression, and not sure where to go from here. I was also a very high achiever in school, college, and for the first few years after college, which actually could be a problem for me because employers might think I'm overqualified for some of the lower-stress jobs I'm considering doing next.

I also went through a similar struggle 8 years ago, when I was also 22 and I realized I didn't really want to pursue the standard career path for my college major. I ended up joining AmeriCorps (the US version of the Peace Corps) and teaching English to immigrants. Do they have something similar in England? What about teaching English abroad for a summer or a semester, do you think you would enjoy that? I find a change of scenery, even if temporary, sometimes helps.