[lepeep]

I've just come to realize that I have been the target of workplace bullying over the last 2-3 years. I knew my work environment could sometimes be very stressful, but it never occurred to me that my colleague was engaging in extremely severe verbal and psychological abuse.

I manage a small team of 2 people. My one employee, John has a repeated pattern of initiating arguments with me that include bullying, harassing, interrogating, accusing, blaming, threatening, yelling, raging and degrading. The dynamic is always the same. He quickly and without any reasonable provocation unleashes blame, hostility, and threats, and I try to calmly explain that what he is accusing me of is not true.

Sometimes there is a reasonable cause and effect to his anger. For example, I might arrive to work 5 minutes late, and he'll boil over with anger that he had to wait outside until I can unlock the door. Oftentimes, there is no reasonable cause having to do with me what so ever, but he'll unleash an extreme hostility toward me. The other day, he was at the Apple store looking for a sales associate but could not find one. He storms out of the store, comes back to work, and begins venting his frustrations to another colleague. He grumpily tell me that he's taking another break later to go back to the Apple store. When I couldn't hear what he said, and asked him to repeat himself, he accused me of escalating the situation. With a raised voice, he goes on a lengthy tirade.

The incident was so quick to escalate, that I experience fight or flight, as I always do when he yells at me. Once it ends, I go back to my desk, feeling drained, physically weak, and a little shaken up. I could feel the shot of stress hormones that had just kicked in to my body, and it took a good 2 hours for them to subside.

I sat there, head down, thinking I can't live like this anymore.

I immediately made a plan:

-- I will leave the company in the next 2-4 weeks, even if it means taking a temporary position. I may leave even if I don't find immediate work.
-- I have emailed my boss who is based in Asia. I've documented this incident and forwarded about 4 additional documents describing similar incidents in the past.

My boss is fairly cold, and uninvolved with much of my work life. He's been grossly negligent by ignoring the problem. I've insisted that the situation has become unbearable and that it's highly important that it be resolved.

As I'm waiting to hear back from my boss (which might take a while given his pattern of not caring) I'm highly uncomfortable at work. Even though I am John's manager, I don't feel as though I can discuss the incident with him. Whenever I've tried to discuss it in the past, he vindictively unleashes even greater anger. This time around, I just don't want to experience the retaliation and stress.

At some point in the near future, I will have to talk to John, perhaps with my boss involving me in some kind of resolution. John could be fired, but that may not happen so swiftly, if at all. In the past I've bent over backwards trying to be understanding, compassionate, and patient with him. None of that has prevented him from repeating his hostile behaviors toward me.

I'm trying to decide what approach to take in the likely event that I end up talking to John. Should I spell it out, and be matter of fact about everything -- something along the lines of "You have deep psychological issues, and I can't experience the stress of your hostility any more"? Do I encourage him to get help, or is he grossly undeserving of anymore compassion or support from me? Would the suggestion of help be pointless, as I think he is mostly unaware of having a problem? Should I be concerned about retaliation? I'm not so concerned with my current job being in jeopardy, because I am urgently trying to get out. But if John gets fired, should I expect he might seek revenge?

[Michelea]

Think your telling him that he has, in your opinion, deep psychological issues and needs help would only be seen by him as an attack and make things worse.

You are his boss...tell him he has a choice. He can reign in his attitude and keep his job, or he can get fired and go job hunting.
-If he becomes verbally hostile during this, send his butt out of there immediately.
-If he ever threatens harm to you, call the police.

There is no reason for you to quit your job, there is reason to "grab this guy by the ear" and lay down the law to him. He is going to push limits as long as he is allowed to. Chances are good that he has been down this road before and lost previous jobs because of it.

[lepeep]

Thanks Michelea. Good advice. You're right that laying down the law is better than saying anything that might be viewed as an attack. John deserves to be fired right away. The problem is, there's a bit of bureaucracy involved that might make it a lengthy process. The last time we had an employee with a behavioral problem, it took them 14 months from the time they decided to fire the person, to actually firing the person, and that was only because of repeated pressure from the affected employee. I just know how negligent the company is run, and they won't fire anytime soon.

[BipolarMama31]

I agree with sticking to facts about an incident rather than pointing out personality flaws.

As his boss, can you not fire him for gross negligence? Or for creating a hostile work environment?

If you feel like leaving is the easiest and best option for your health, then do that! But if you can remove him from the company, would that be easier on you in the big picture?

Even if you do find another great job, you may have confilcts there, and will have to deal with confrontational situations at almost any work place in my experience. Especially in a managerial role.

Good luck! I hope you find a solution that makes you happy!

Sent from my SM-N920V using Tapatalk

[Rojola]

Don't let your direct report bully you. You are his manager. Document every incident in writing. Get his tirades on video. When talking with him you need to keep all altercations about work, not about is mental illness. For example, your demeanor is insubordinate. Your work on project X is failing because of -----. He sounds like a toxic employee. If so have performance reviews about his work. If he isn't performing up to par give him written warnings with corrective action. Make sure you also include the insubordinate behavior as well. If he doesn't improve, his employment needs to be terminated. Get HR evolved. Don't be scared. The worst that could happen with a corrupt company is that they could fire you for doing the correct thing. That shouldn't bother you because you're at the point now of quiting. Being a good boss means not only hiring and retaining good employees but also possessing the fortitude to fire bad ones. If you don't have the fortitude to give him written corrective action and eventually terminate his employment if necessary then maybe management is not the correct position for you. If you do the right thing and the company doesn't agree with you or believe you, then you only have two options --stay and deal with the toxic employee, or get another job.

Good luck