[starryprince]

Hey all. So I have a bit of a situation. I am a counseling intern who's in their 20s. And another intern today came in my room today and said something that sounded like, "I really want to kiss you". I really didn't hear her that well but that's what it sounded like. Anyways, she closed the door to my office, came over to my side of the desk, and leaned over to kiss me. I was shocked but then I jumped up and said, "No...no." I was stuttering and stammering because I was really flustered, and she looked offended.

My friends and mother think I should report it but I am worried and I will most likely not speak up because 1) she just came out as transgender in our work place and I know how people can treat trans individuals like crap and 2) she was offered a job. I don't want to get her in trouble.

I'm also confused because she always spoke about her partner and she is 30+ years older than me. At first I thought she was just talking to me before because we're both queer, but I guess she was just attracted to me.

What should I do?? I am freaking out because of my childhood issues. I'm a survivor of childhood sexual abuse and people have come on to me before without my consent so this has me really shaken up. I feel like I still can't trust people. Please give me your insights. I could really use it.

Thank you.

[Jan1212]

I would go straight to the coworker first, ask if theres a minute to talk; that we should act in a professional manner in the work place, state your boundaries early. Don't offer anything else as far as because you feel bad

please DO NOT quote ANY SELECTION of my post. thank you. have a good day.

[barbella]

Oh starryprince, I am so sorry this happened to you. It's not OK for anyone to do that. I like Jan1212's suggestion. I'd also suggest to document what happened and the any subsequent interactions you have (including any discussion about boundaries and professionalism). You might also want to check the organization's website to see if they have any policies on workplace harassment. There might be some tips there that you could use. If you are uncomfortable approaching this person, it's really OK to go to the HR department. That's what they're there for.

[hvert]

I would report it. What that person did was seriously out of line and kind of crazy. There's a danger that if you don't report it, she will report it and claim that you were the one who came onto her. I would not confront the coworker and I would avoid being alone with her.

It would be one thing if this was a single person your age (still extremely inappropriate). A married coworker 30 years older doing something like that is quite disturbing. Does she have direct contact with clients? Doesn't this indicate a danger that she might act inappropriately with them? I would definitely report this.

[starryprince]

Originally Posted by barbella

Oh starryprince, I am so sorry this happened to you. It's not OK for anyone to do that. I like Jan1212's suggestion. I'd also suggest to document what happened and the any subsequent interactions you have (including any discussion about boundaries and professionalism). You might also want to check the organization's website to see if they have any policies on workplace harassment. There might be some tips there that you could use. If you are uncomfortable approaching this person, it's really OK to go to the HR department. That's what they're there for.

Originally Posted by hvert

I would report it. What that person did was seriously out of line and kind of crazy. There's a danger that if you don't report it, she will report it and claim that you were the one who came onto her. I would not confront the coworker and I would avoid being alone with her.

It would be one thing if this was a single person your age (still extremely inappropriate). A married coworker 30 years older doing something like that is quite disturbing. Does she have direct contact with clients? Doesn't this indicate a danger that she might act inappropriately with them? I would definitely report this.

Thank you to Jan1212 and everyone else who posted.

I actually DID end up reporting it to my clinical supervisor. However, it was more intense than I thought it would be.

You see, I have two supervisors, a clinical one and a task supervisor. I see my task supervisor everyday but my clinical supervisor (CS) only once a week. My clinical supervisor asked if I wanted to tell my task supervisor (TS) and I said no, I would just talk to the coworker myself. Well, my CS DID end up telling my task supervisor, and my TS called me into her office. I explained what happened to my TS and she was shocked and disgusted. You see, my TS is ALSO the coworker's supervisor as well.

WELL. My TS told administration and a meeting was held (without the coworker), in which I had to tell administration what happened. Then I had to file a sexual harassment report. I don't know if they will confront my coworker but my TS was disturbed by it and she said, "I was getting red flags from her but I wasn't sure why. Now it all makes sense. I can't be her supervisor anymore. That is totally unethical". I don't know what those red flags were but yes...This is what happened.

What makes this all the more creepy is the fact that the coworker is actually a social work intern, and they will and have interacted with children and young adults.

I also DID end up talking to the coworker. I said, "What you did made me feel incredibly uncomfortable and I would appreciate it if you didn't talk to me again." She just said, "I understand". That was it.

This was a very disturbing thing to have happened to me, even if people may not think it's a big deal. I actually look a lot younger than my age, which makes it worse.

But this made me realize that I have power and autonomy and I can stand up for myself.

[Calico_91]

On second thought, report her. I was going to say just let it go since she seemed to have apologized, but I'm afraid that the behavior can be a sign of something dangerous.

She reminds me of the therapist who sexually abused me. This guy had pulled crap like that before. I had no idea. When I talked about him during inpatient group therapy without even saying his name, another gal went into complete PTSD meltdown mode. She asked me if it was "Pervert Social Worker Man" (probably can't legally say his name on here). I said "OMG! YES!"

Well what ended up happening is that he got a slap on the wrist for being inappropriate with her and simply sent him to another campus of the same organization.

When I was talking about it in IOP saying his name, the psych nurse probationer said "Oh my God. Pervert Social Worker Man is actually working with clients?" He was in instructor for an undergrad class and he was talking about alternative medicine. He demonstrated "reiki" on her and subtley felt her up. She began to cry. He told her that she needs therapy because she has issues with men. She didn't report him because he threatened her.

He threatened to fudge my records and send me to a state mental hospital if I told what he did to me. He did the same to that girl who was in the hospital with me.

This person is a potential menace. =( I hope she's not doing this to actual clients.

[Calico_91]

Originally Posted by hvert

I would report it. What that person did was seriously out of line and kind of crazy. There's a danger that if you don't report it, she will report it and claim that you were the one who came onto her. I would not confront the coworker and I would avoid being alone with her.

It would be one thing if this was a single person your age (still extremely inappropriate). A married coworker 30 years older doing something like that is quite disturbing. Does she have direct contact with clients? Doesn't this indicate a danger that she might act inappropriately with them? I would definitely report this.

Yeah, I do agree. That is pretty creepy and it makes me wonder if she'd pull that on a client.

As someone who was sexually abused by a therapist, this person may be a danger to others.

[starryprince]

Originally Posted by Calico_91

On second thought, report her. I was going to say just let it go since she seemed to have apologized, but I'm afraid that the behavior can be a sign of something dangerous.

She reminds me of the therapist who sexually abused me. This guy had pulled crap like that before. I had no idea. When I talked about him during inpatient group therapy without even saying his name, another gal went into complete PTSD meltdown mode. She asked me if it was "Pervert Social Worker Man" (probably can't legally say his name on here). I said "OMG! YES!"

Well what ended up happening is that he got a slap on the wrist for being inappropriate with her and simply sent him to another campus of the same organization.

When I was talking about it in IOP saying his name, the psych nurse probationer said "Oh my God. Pervert Social Worker Man is actually working with clients?" He was in instructor for an undergrad class and he was talking about alternative medicine. He demonstrated "reiki" on her and subtley felt her up. She began to cry. He told her that she needs therapy because she has issues with men. She didn't report him because he threatened her.

He threatened to fudge my records and send me to a state mental hospital if I told what he did to me. He did the same to that girl who was in the hospital with me.

This person is a potential menace. =( I hope she's not doing this to actual clients.

She never apologized. She didn't say, "I'm sorry". Right after she attempted to kiss me and I said no, she said, "Okay, well we're still cool, right?" So no, there was no apology whatsoever. My task supervisor, who is also her supervisor, said the same thing. She said that this could be a sign that she has dangerous tendencies AND she will be working with children which makes this even worse.

The reason why I was so on the fence about letting this go was because I know she is struggling right now. But so am I. We all are.

And I'm glad I didn't let this go. When I was a child and was sexually abused, I couldn't do anything. Now I am older and I can and I WILL protect myself if someone comes on to me without my consent. She didn't even ask. It was pretty disgusting.

I am sorry that happened to you. It's frightening that he is still working with clients.

Just want to say, her being transgender and in a difficult situation doesn't make her behaviour okay.

[Pretzelle]

It's a good thing you reported it, because that's pretty unethical. No one, no matter who they are or what they've been through, should go around trying to kiss their coworkers like that.

[hvert]

I'm glad you stood up for yourself! You not only did a service to yourself, but you protected some vulnerable people from experiencing that kind of inappropriate behavior.

[starryprince]

Originally Posted by hvert

I'm glad you stood up for yourself! You not only did a service to yourself, but you protected some vulnerable people from experiencing that kind of inappropriate behavior.

Thanks so much! That's what my supervisor told me too. I'm really proud of myself.

Originally Posted by QuietMind

Just want to say, her being transgender and in a difficult situation doesn't make her behaviour okay.

I completely agree. I was just thinking from about that because I'm a queer person of color myself. But the problem is that she took that fact and manipulated me, thinking that just because we're both queer people of color that I'd be okay with that behavior. She got close to me because of that and used that against me. So I completely agree with you.

Originally Posted by Pretzelle

It's a good thing you reported it, because that's pretty unethical. No one, no matter who they are or what they've been through, should go around trying to kiss their coworkers like that.

Thank you! I agree. The fact that she's older 30+yrs older than me really just made the whole thing creepy.

SO. My center ended up getting rid of her. So I feel safer. Thanks a lot for the support everyone.

[seesaw]

I am glad you reported it. I was going to say when I first saw this, you need to report it immediately. You have no idea if this was going to become habitual harassment and behavior or what so you need a record right away.

I think you did the right thing. And her being transgender has nothing to do with it. She did something inappropriate that ANYONE straight, gay, whatever could have done.

I'm proud of you for finding your voice and standing up for yourself.

Seesaw