[rc207]

Hello. I have an issue that has been driving me absolutely crazy and causing major stress in my life and relationship..For the last 2 years I have owned my own business and it has not been that successful. I dumped a ton of money and time into it and am not seeing the returns. The problem is that i also hold a Union book that i keep active and allows me to come and go. I got into the union right after highshool after I lost both my parents and decided i needed to go right to work. i have done this for 7 years and really do not enjoy the work and come home miserable everyday and cant wait to get laid off as soon as i start. The problem is i do not really have a problem paying my bills which i am extremely thankful for but that drains all my motivation to work for somebody. So I continue to bounce back and forth between both and dump money into my business and try and make it work. . The real issue is that i really do not want to do either of those things because my true passion is to be cop. I have taken all the tests for this year and i am just playing a waiting game to hear back.. this has completely screwed my head up and i cant seem to commit fully to either the business or union and pick what is best for me mentally and financially. i find myself just doing nothing but thinking and going crazy with 2 feet in different doors. as soon as i say i am going to do one i immediately want to do the other and it is a vicious cycle of doubt and anxiety...

[Skeezyks]

Hello rc207: Thanks for sharing your situation with us. And good luck with your efforts to pursue your passion. I see this is your first post here on PC. So... welcome to PsychCentral… from the Skeezyks! I hope you find the time you spend here to be of benefit.

PsychCentral is a great place to get information as well as support for mental health issues. There are many knowledgeable & caring members here. The more you post, & reply to other members’ posts, the more a part of the community you will become. Plus there are social groups you can join & chat rooms where you’ll be able to connect with other PC members in real time (once your first 5 posts have been reviewed & approved.) Lots of great stuff! So please keep posting!

[hvert]

You are in good company re: doing work that you don't like that pays the bills but leaves you too drained to focus on what you'd rather do. That's how I feel, too!

If your dream is to be a cop and you are waiting to hear back, maybe it is okay to stay in this limbo state for a while longer?

[mazing]

I know it can be an extremely hard place to be but it really seems that you are doing the best you can - keeping the bills payed while going after your dream. It's hard to commit to something you aren't completely sure of.

How long until you hear back from the police?

[Misssy2]

limbo sucks.
You want to be a cop..you will be a cop....if I were you I would dump one or the other....whichever one pays most of the bills...I would keep.

You CAN live on a smaller budget..trust me..mine was just cut in half..and I am surviving..and I am a little panicked..but generally happier.