[seesaw]

I've been talking about this for a while. Just to recap:

I have a coworker who used to be in my job. She was moved out of my job because she was terrible at it. But she was moved to a job that she had no experience in and was also terrible at. I am in charge of a fundraising campaign, and she reports to me horizontally because she still handles a few donor accounts that fall under my campaign.

She has consistently made bad deals on behalf of our organization. I instituted a new policy that all sponsor proposals be reviewed by me before they go to the sponsor, so that I could review the language and make sure it is accurate to what we can offer. This policy was with full support of the CEO and our supervisor. She has failed to follow this policy and in doing so has promised benefits we cannot fulfill and has caused conflict between sponsors that I then have to clean up. She makes deals in which we lose money.

On top of that, she continually contacts representatives of donor accounts in my portfolio and solicits them, which is directly against our department policy. (It also messes up the current solicitation that I am working on with that donor because now they have been contacted by a different person in our organization, which is highly unprofessional.) I discussed this with my supervisor, who told me to continue reminding her not to do so. After the umpteenth time of her interfering with my accounts, I have started not being so nice about it and my reminders have turned into reprimands. She gets upset about the tone of my reminders to her, yet continues to do exactly as she pleases. In the meantime she does not get any of her work done. When I ask her to stop doing my work and that I have it handled, she replies that she has a million other things to do. So I don't know why she is sticking her nose in my business if she's got other things to do.

I discussed with both my supervisor (who is an interim consultant) and my CEO that I want her taken off all accounts in my campaign, and I listed the reasons why her work was not acceptable and why I wanted her taken off those accounts. My CEO agreed that after Thanksgiving she would be instructed to remove herself from those accounts.

Apparently some other things happened and she was basically told to resign or be fired. She resigned. This was just shortly after I sent her a very strongly worded (but not unprofessional) email and copied my supervisor to stop contacting people in my accounts and stop doing other things related to my accounts (it's hard to go into detail but she just creates utter chaos and conflicts). So my supervisor reported back to me after Thanksgiving that the co-worker had resigned and was leaving at the end of December.

In the meantime, she continued to contact a representative from a foundation that is in my portfolio. When I had found out that she had scheduled a meeting with this representative, I privately emailed my supervisor and expressed my frustration again. My supervisor responded back that she understands and that she'll be gone soon anyways. I asked the coworker what the nature of the visit was and she told me it was to introduce our education manager to the foundation rep. I said okay, no I don't need to be there.

My supervisor emailed her separately to ask about it, and my coworker responded with a much more lengthy response about how there was an endowed fund at the foundation that was for scholarships for one of our programs and we hadn't received the funds in few years so she was following up on the fund by meeting with the foundation representative and that I knew about it and was okay with it. So that was a direct lie. She had not shared that information with me, and I had not okayed this manner of meeting. This is not the first time she has lied to the supervisor (and I have a paper trail to prove it) about why she is interfering with my work or not doing her work.

In another instance, I had asked her very simply if I was forgetting anyone who needed to be invited to a meeting on a project she had been told to hand over to me. I was simply asking her to look at an invite list and see if anyone major was missing. She responded that she was going to come to the meeting, even though she had been instructed by our supervisor to not put any more hours towards this project. When our supervisor saw her in the meeting, she emailed and asked her why she was in the meeting when she had been instructed not to spend time on the project. The coworker responded, and copied me, that this was the first meeting of all the stakeholders and that I had included her since it was just the first meeting and that she wouldn't attend any further meetings about it. She made it sound like I had asked her to come to the meeting. I responded privately to the supervisor that she was misrepresenting what had actually occurred, which was she had invited herself to my meeting. Also, just for reference, when she does attend meetings, she tends to go off on tangents and derail the meetings and keep us from actually getting things done.

So back to the current misrepresentation, I could have let it all go and just shrugged it off that she had done this again, since she's only going to be here for 10 more days, but I can not take the lying or gaslighting or whatever it is. I don't understand why but her perception is just not grounded in reality, and it's hugely triggering of my PTSD for me.

So I responded to this email and said, "No, I did not okay this. What you told me was only that you were introducing the education manager to the foundation rep. You did not tell me that this was about an endowment fund in arrears. You did not convey any of this information. If the education manager came to you about this account, you should have directed them to me, since it's my account. You keep saying you have a million things to do, yet you keep taking on work from my portfolio. I have asked you a number of times not to contact people in my portfolio. At this point it is totally unacceptable and totally unprofessional. I do not know why you think it's acceptable to do this to a co-worker. When a similar thing was done to you over the summer, you were livid. Imagine how I feel that you do this on a daily basis? And no matter how many times I ask you to stop, you continue to do so?"

That was the gist of my email response to her, which I copied my supervisor on. Like I said, I could have let it go, but when a lie is told that involves me, I'm sorry I'm done. I cannot be "nice" about it. It's time to be clear that this behavior of not following departmental policies is just unacceptable.

She followed up later in the day about another account that was hers and included a line that said "ALSO, if any further reprimands are to come, I prefer they come from "supervisor's name"." Now this might upset her, but I was told by our supervisor that the only way to get it through to her that she needed to stop doing these things was to keep repeating these things to her. I have repeated them numerous times, and each time have become more firm and strong in my wording that it's unacceptable. If I get any flack for my email, I'm just going to revert right back to the fact that my supervisor told me that this is how to deal with her, and that it seemed to me that I had no real support in the matter, because there's clearly no repercussion for her doing this. (Obviously she's leaving so at this point there is no repercussion anyhow.)

I am so upset about this whole situation that I have had to take a personal day tomorrow. I'm too frustrated and upset to be able to be in the office.

At this point I have cancelled all my meetings with her regarding the transfer of her accounts. There are two accounts that she wanted to meet with me about, but I do not have the energy to think about it right now. I will wait a few days and reschedule the meetings.

So, I guess I've ranted about this enough. I just do not understand why she was allowed to stick around so long and reek so much havoc. Literally we would be better off if her position had just been vacant since she was removed from her previous position.

Everyone is pretending like she's leaving because she got another offer from a different organization. The people on our team know that she went to that organization and engineered a position for herself. They don't know what they are getting into with her. I think they will regret it. She does not work well with others. She will do whatever she wants, won't tell others about it, and then end up costing the organization money. The truth is she was forced out of our organization with an ultimatum of resign or be fired, it's up to you. And yet we're all pretending like we'll be so sad without her. We're even doing a farewell lunch for her. Since when do you do a farewell lunch for someone you've basically fired?

Okay, end rant.

Seesaw

[unaluna]

Maybe trump has an opening for her. She sounds like his type.

[seesaw]

Great. I just got an email from my supervisor that she wants to talk to me about it. I hope I'm not in trouble, but I'm standing my ground on this.

[leejosepho]

I would say you are doing very well with tolerance, perseverance and patience amidst some very poor management...and I hope your day off will bolster you as much as you need for making it right on through the long-overdue farewell to the troublesome co-worker.

[seesaw]

Thank you, leejosepho.

[unaluna]

Originally Posted by seesaw

Great. I just got an email from my supervisor that she wants to talk to me about it. I hope I'm not in trouble, but I'm standing my ground on this.

Good luck. Lay low. Hopefully coworker doesnt take you down with her.

[seesaw]

Okay, did not get reamed at by boss or anything. She validated that this was a problem and she understood why I was beyond frustrated. I expressed to her that maybe I didn't deal with it in the best way, but I also stand by what I had to say. I also told her that I was not going to do anything until I felt like a lie was being told and that is, for me, a huge problem. It's one thing about my personality that I very firmly believe in fairness, equality and the truth. I do not like when lies are told and to me it's unacceptable. She listened and did not fault me for it.

She expressed to me that for a multitude of reasons we need to keep this woman happy and make her departure a pleasant one (we can't have her badmouthing us in the community). I responded that I totally understand that. I volunteered that I am not going to say anything else to her. If something comes up again, I will just pass that over to my supervisor and let her deal with it. But I just have to get through the next 10 days until she leaves.

Even though I understand all the reasons we need this woman to feel good about her departure, I find it frustrating to no end that she can make me feel like crap and make my life like hell and yet still we need to keep her happy. That is just so unfair. My supervisor acknowledged that if the coworker didn't leave that probably other people would leave after a while because she's driving our entire department crazy. I also find some fault with the idea that we need to keep her happy because our donors like her. Organizations replace fundraisers all the time. Donors learn to work with new representatives from the organization.

Anyways, I didn't get in trouble. And I"m just going to grin and bear it through the next 10 days.

Seesaw

[leejosepho]

Originally Posted by seesaw

I volunteered that I am not going to say anything else to her. If something comes up again, I will just pass that over to my supervisor and let her deal with it. But I just have to get through the next 10 days until she leaves.

That might not be easy if your supervisor might also be trying to just let the days pass, but there really is nothing more you can do!

[seesaw]

Originally Posted by leejosepho

That might not be easy if your supervisor might also be trying to just let the days pass, but there really is nothing more you can do!

Yeah, and honestly, and I didn't say this to my supervisor...I said what I had to say. I called the coworker on her ********. What else can I say really?

I'm just going to avoid her until she's gone. Be in her presence as little as possible.

Seesaw

[rechu]

It sounds like you have handled yourself the best you could in a tough situation. Lots of deep breaths, you're in the home stretch now!

[Molinit]

I think your plan of avoiding all dealings with her for the rest of the time she's there is excellent. Ugh I can't imagine having to deal with someone who is passively aggressively leaving scorched earth behind at the job....I'd still keep tabs as best I can do on what she's doing and try to work around her as much as possible.

FYI: I have a feeling she may be trying to get a job with one of the sponsors, so don't be surprised if she appears in your orbit again

[seesaw]

Originally Posted by Molinit

I think your plan of avoiding all dealings with her for the rest of the time she's there is excellent. Ugh I can't imagine having to deal with someone who is passively aggressively leaving scorched earth behind at the job....I'd still keep tabs as best I can do on what she's doing and try to work around her as much as possible.

FYI: I have a feeling she may be trying to get a job with one of the sponsors, so don't be surprised if she appears in your orbit again

Molinit, she has a new job with another nonprofit in town and will continue to work with some of the same sponsors that we do. She'll just continue to botch it up.

[guilloche]

Ugh, what a rotten situation. It's especially crazy-making since you aren't really in a position of authority over this woman, and the people who are haven't been holding her accountable.

I'm so sorry. It sounds like you're doing great at maintaining your dignity though. I wish I had some good tips on how to get a sense of distance, so that she wouldn't be able to affect you emotionally though. You don't need the extra stress, and it just seems like an unfair burden to you.

Does it help to keep reminding yourself that it's just ... "x more days".. and keep counting down? I think your strategy of distancing yourself as much as possible is a very good one too!

I hope the time passes quickly for you. Maybe... this might sound goofy... but spend some time visualizing/imagining how you'll feel when she's gone? Like, really picture yourself walking into the office and knowing that she's not there, and she'll never be back there, and that you'll never have to talk to her, deal with her, email her, or clean up another one of her messes... ever again. Take a few breaths and imagine your life without her as *clearly* as you can, with as many details as you can, and try to soak up the feelings of relief? Then, remind yourself... that will all be real in... x days...

May the next few weeks fly by for you!!!

[Misssy2]

I would say as soon as you were told she had resigned or was fired...you shouldn't have sent that e-mail and just had a private conversation with your Supervisor about your frustration and the broken procedures (more professional than cat fights in email).

As far as her being given a farewell...lunch..you don't have to go. As far as the last 2 accounts she has of yours..why is the meeting needed? Just take them over.

[seesaw]

Missy, I purposefully sent the email so it would be on record that she had lied. I have purposefully put in writing every time she has broken the rules because I was told that I had to keep reminding her. So I wanted proof that she had been told numerous times that she was breaking the rules and it was unacceptable. She does report to me in numerous ways. I had others read my email and they said while terrifying, it was completely professional.

I am very careful what I put in email and what I say to co workers. I am extremely diplomatic. I have done nothing unprofessional at this point. And email and paper trail is necessary to prove anything. U have learned this in my extensive career managing people. If she wasn't leaving at thus point she would be fired for these trangressions.

[hvert]

Is there something about this woman that makes her politically important? Is she incompetent or malicious? Her lie about the university endowment is weird - I don't get what she is trying to do there, just do what *she* thinks is important without interference from above?

Once a company tells someone that they can resign or be fired, the damage is basically done from a hurt feelings point of view - she's going to badmouth you or not badmouth you.

[seesaw]

Yes, hvert, there are some political things about this woman that I can't state specifically here. She is most definitely incompetent. The only reason she hasn't been fired outright is because of the politics. However they acknowledge that if she wasn't leaving, they would probably end up losing other good people like me because of her.