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#1
Feb 01, 2017, 04:22 PM
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I just hit my one-year anniversary at my job. It also represents one year since I returned to work from disability. And it is terrible.
For reasons I can't go into but that trust me are entirely unfair (trust me) we just received news that our health benefits are taking a huge hit. (And it's unnecessary considering the great year we just had and are having right now.) This cut was done to facilitate higher pay for our musicians, whom are unionized and the staff ends up with whatever plan they vote for. So since they wanted higher pay and were willing to give up on some health benefits, the admin staff is basically now receiving a pay decrease because of it. I am already working at about $15,000 less than I am worth. And I'm not the only person who took a hit to come work for this organization. Having this new plan is basically like having no health insurance, and since I have a disability and have to see doctor's frequently, I wonder if I can even afford to keep working here. Being senior leadership, I stood up for the employees and confronted our CEO about it. He said that they are working to make adjustments to compensate the admin staff, but gave no real specifics. I won't hold my breath for answers. I'm also being treated and monitored for cervical cancer, so this is really going to just kill my personal finances. It's extremely upsetting. It's very frustrating because I am probably more qualified in my job as a fundraiser than half of our musicians are in their careers as professional musicians. Then, if you've read my previous posts about my CEO trying to protect "J" and promoting her even though she's been failing and giving her all sorts of leeway for screw ups because of her personal life...in a staff meeting today he turned to me and basically blamed me for her failing to meet her goals. I stood my ground and fought back because I have been very vocal about the amount of my involvement in the project she was leading and what my role is in it, and I have reported to him every step of the way, so the fact that he is saying I didn't do "X", when "X" was never assigned to me or anywhere near my purview of duties is just ridiculous. I have been trying to keep my head down and just get my work done, in hopes that I can develop things in my personal life or hopefully find a new job, but first with this health insurance business and then with this being thrown under the bus...I'm not sure how much I can take. I am inches away from just walking out the door and never returning. I won't do that though because I'm too smart to leave a job without another lined up. A job search generally takes about 6 months, but I don't know if I can seriously handle 6 more months of this. I feel so demoralized every day coming into this job. Then I have to go to work events and play hostess and pretend to be happy and pleased with things, and that is very difficult for me when I don't feel respected or valued by my boss. Just put me out of my misery. Seesaw
__________________
 What if I fall? Oh, my dear, but what if you fly? Primary Dx: C-PTSD and Severe Chronic Treatment Resistant Major Depressive Disorder Secondary Dx: Generalized Anxiety Disorder with mild Agoraphobia. Meds I've tried: Prozac, Zoloft, Celexa, Effexor, Remeron, Elavil, Wellbutrin, Risperidone, Abilify, Prazosin, Paxil, Trazadone, Tramadol, Topomax, Xanax, Propranolol, Valium, Visteril, Vraylar, Selinor, Clonopin, Ambien Treatments I've done: CBT, DBT, Transcranial Magnetic Stimulation (TMS), Talk therapy, psychotherapy, exercise, diet, sleeping more, sleeping less... |
 Anonymous48850, Hairball, Hobbit House, Nammu, Teddy Bear, unaluna, Yours_Truly
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#2
Feb 01, 2017, 04:45 PM
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Sorry... I know how much good medical means. Add to it the fact that you boss is a jerk and unfairly favoring another employee makes for a unhealthy environment Stick with it at least until you can line something else up...preferably more along the lines of what you're worth!
__________________
“Then what is your advice to new practitioners”? “The same as for old practitioners! Keep at it “. Ajahn Chah Bipolar 1 PTSD Social Anxiety Disorder Panic Attacks Parkinsonism Dissociative Amnesia Abilify 15mg Viiibryd 40mg Clonzapam.05mg x2 Depakote 1500mg Gabapentin 300mg x 3 Wellbutrin 300mg Carbidopa/Levodopa 25mg-100mg x 3 |
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#3
Feb 01, 2017, 05:25 PM
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It just feels so extraordinarily toxic, and I feel toxic because of it too.
I wish this was reparable, but I've brought it to his attention before and he not only continues to play favorites, now it's even worse. I just can't even hold a thought in my head I am so pissed off. I'm also greatly triggered with my PTSD. I'm feeling almost like I might have to go back on disability because of this. Seesaw
__________________
What if I fall? Oh, my dear, but what if you fly? Primary Dx: C-PTSD and Severe Chronic Treatment Resistant Major Depressive Disorder Secondary Dx: Generalized Anxiety Disorder with mild Agoraphobia. Meds I've tried: Prozac, Zoloft, Celexa, Effexor, Remeron, Elavil, Wellbutrin, Risperidone, Abilify, Prazosin, Paxil, Trazadone, Tramadol, Topomax, Xanax, Propranolol, Valium, Visteril, Vraylar, Selinor, Clonopin, Ambien Treatments I've done: CBT, DBT, Transcranial Magnetic Stimulation (TMS), Talk therapy, psychotherapy, exercise, diet, sleeping more, sleeping less... |
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#4
Feb 01, 2017, 06:55 PM
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There is a positive that you can take from this and that is that you are willing to stand up and express how you feel. I know it's not resulting in the outcome you want but I think you can feel proud that you at least articulated your concern to the CEO. The fact they dismiss your answer is upsetting, but at least you said how you feel. I bet a lot of people, myself included, would never say anything to 'rock the boat' while feeling agony and inadequate. I'm impressed with your strength and your assertiveness, in what sounds like a crappy work environment.
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 Hobbit House, LiteraryLark, seesaw
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#5
Feb 01, 2017, 08:49 PM
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I wish I could offer advice. With my condition I am well qualified for disability but I choose to have independence, even if it takes 110% more effort than others just to keep up with everyone's pace, and because of my condition it makes holding a job so much harder. I have hit a major milestone of 6 months of working at my current job and still wanting to work there and still happy to work and my bosses still happy for me to work there despite my ups and downs, six whole months!
It's impressive to stand up for yourself when others complain and lay low. I'd be proud to have that rare quality. |
| seesaw
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#6
Feb 01, 2017, 08:54 PM
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Sigh, yeah, and I just got an email from my boss basically dismissing everything I said. He needs to apologize to me, frankly. Not that it will ever happen, but he just shows me no respect or appreciation for the work I do or my contributions to the organization. And since I work for a nonprofit and make peanuts when I could make a lot more, he really needs to make amends.
__________________
What if I fall? Oh, my dear, but what if you fly? Primary Dx: C-PTSD and Severe Chronic Treatment Resistant Major Depressive Disorder Secondary Dx: Generalized Anxiety Disorder with mild Agoraphobia. Meds I've tried: Prozac, Zoloft, Celexa, Effexor, Remeron, Elavil, Wellbutrin, Risperidone, Abilify, Prazosin, Paxil, Trazadone, Tramadol, Topomax, Xanax, Propranolol, Valium, Visteril, Vraylar, Selinor, Clonopin, Ambien Treatments I've done: CBT, DBT, Transcranial Magnetic Stimulation (TMS), Talk therapy, psychotherapy, exercise, diet, sleeping more, sleeping less... |
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#7
Feb 01, 2017, 08:56 PM
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Quote:
 ((hugs)) |
| seesaw
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#8
Feb 01, 2017, 09:14 PM
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I just feel like everything I manage to get over this stuff and the last piece of crap he pulled on me, something else happens and I end up having to knock myself out with Xanax to avoid the panic attack that I can't control and then it takes a week for me to get back on track to being motivated about my job again.
Yeah, I care about music and I care about bringing music to the community, but I also do my job because I get satisfaction out of being very good at what I do, and I'm ambitious. I exceed goals and I compete with myself. I try to keep a balance on this, but every worker wants their boss to at least acknowledge them. He has never acknowledged me. And it sucks. Seesaw
__________________
What if I fall? Oh, my dear, but what if you fly? Primary Dx: C-PTSD and Severe Chronic Treatment Resistant Major Depressive Disorder Secondary Dx: Generalized Anxiety Disorder with mild Agoraphobia. Meds I've tried: Prozac, Zoloft, Celexa, Effexor, Remeron, Elavil, Wellbutrin, Risperidone, Abilify, Prazosin, Paxil, Trazadone, Tramadol, Topomax, Xanax, Propranolol, Valium, Visteril, Vraylar, Selinor, Clonopin, Ambien Treatments I've done: CBT, DBT, Transcranial Magnetic Stimulation (TMS), Talk therapy, psychotherapy, exercise, diet, sleeping more, sleeping less... |
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#9
Feb 02, 2017, 12:57 AM
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Your job sounds really terrible, seesaw. I hear you on job hunting being difficult and long as well. Losing health benefits suck.
I stay in my crappy job because it at least respects the union and I need the health benefits. |
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#10
Feb 02, 2017, 10:53 AM
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Sigh, I have a 1:1 with my CEO today and with our campaign consultant who has been interim VP of our department (although she doesn't do anything)...Here's to hoping I don't actually lose my job today.
Seesaw
__________________
What if I fall? Oh, my dear, but what if you fly? Primary Dx: C-PTSD and Severe Chronic Treatment Resistant Major Depressive Disorder Secondary Dx: Generalized Anxiety Disorder with mild Agoraphobia. Meds I've tried: Prozac, Zoloft, Celexa, Effexor, Remeron, Elavil, Wellbutrin, Risperidone, Abilify, Prazosin, Paxil, Trazadone, Tramadol, Topomax, Xanax, Propranolol, Valium, Visteril, Vraylar, Selinor, Clonopin, Ambien Treatments I've done: CBT, DBT, Transcranial Magnetic Stimulation (TMS), Talk therapy, psychotherapy, exercise, diet, sleeping more, sleeping less... |
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#11
Feb 02, 2017, 11:02 AM
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Good luck... hopefully you can get something resolved soon. Here's hoping for the best.
__________________
“Then what is your advice to new practitioners”? “The same as for old practitioners! Keep at it “. Ajahn Chah Bipolar 1 PTSD Social Anxiety Disorder Panic Attacks Parkinsonism Dissociative Amnesia Abilify 15mg Viiibryd 40mg Clonzapam.05mg x2 Depakote 1500mg Gabapentin 300mg x 3 Wellbutrin 300mg Carbidopa/Levodopa 25mg-100mg x 3 |
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#12
Feb 02, 2017, 12:27 PM
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Well...I just got a phone interview (first step) with another orchestra. Better position for sure and way better town (Philly!). So, kind of exciting. We'll see what happens.
Seesaw
__________________
What if I fall? Oh, my dear, but what if you fly? Primary Dx: C-PTSD and Severe Chronic Treatment Resistant Major Depressive Disorder Secondary Dx: Generalized Anxiety Disorder with mild Agoraphobia. Meds I've tried: Prozac, Zoloft, Celexa, Effexor, Remeron, Elavil, Wellbutrin, Risperidone, Abilify, Prazosin, Paxil, Trazadone, Tramadol, Topomax, Xanax, Propranolol, Valium, Visteril, Vraylar, Selinor, Clonopin, Ambien Treatments I've done: CBT, DBT, Transcranial Magnetic Stimulation (TMS), Talk therapy, psychotherapy, exercise, diet, sleeping more, sleeping less... |
| unaluna
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#13
Feb 02, 2017, 03:49 PM
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So I had my one on one with the CEO. He basically apologized if I felt attacked in the staff meeting the other day. But it felt hollow. I tried to be as diplomatic as possible and just left it at what it is.
I didn't say any of the things that I was itching to say. It's just not worth it. And I hate that. Seesaw
__________________
What if I fall? Oh, my dear, but what if you fly? Primary Dx: C-PTSD and Severe Chronic Treatment Resistant Major Depressive Disorder Secondary Dx: Generalized Anxiety Disorder with mild Agoraphobia. Meds I've tried: Prozac, Zoloft, Celexa, Effexor, Remeron, Elavil, Wellbutrin, Risperidone, Abilify, Prazosin, Paxil, Trazadone, Tramadol, Topomax, Xanax, Propranolol, Valium, Visteril, Vraylar, Selinor, Clonopin, Ambien Treatments I've done: CBT, DBT, Transcranial Magnetic Stimulation (TMS), Talk therapy, psychotherapy, exercise, diet, sleeping more, sleeping less... |
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#14
Feb 03, 2017, 12:39 AM
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I hope the other place opens the door to you.
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This is an old thread. You probably should not post your reply to it, as the original poster is unlikely to see it.|
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