Work environments create fake behavior

Maybe it is just me, but it seems sad at how work environments can make people act really fake in order to maintain a acceptable impression. I know people have to be professional at work so you can't be completely yourself when you're around coworkers or even a boss, but at the same time, I feel like some places, even places that are not office job, can cause people to act fake.

I know some of my coworkers are like that. I see one of my coworkers regularily outside of work every week. I see her at church, and she also takes me to work once a week when we go to prayer group in the morning. When she is not at work, she is a completely different person. And sometimes I even feel like I'm dealing with two different people as well.

Now normally this kind of behavior drives me crazy, and it does sometimes, but since it is a work environment, I let it slide more. I just find it not so good that work places force people to act so differently. I do agree there should be professionalism, but at the same time, I feel like people should be more like themselves than they are at times while on the clock.

The biggest problem I noticed, both with my coworker and anyone else, it seems like that sharing opinions and how they feel change the most. Like, for my coworker, when we are outside of work, she will state how she feels about something, but then at work, it can be the exact opposite and vise versa. I've always wondered what it is that causes people to act so fake when they are at work. I feel like you can still be yourself in a way, yet maintain professionalism at the same time. Anyone have this experience or notice this? What do you think of it? Just curious.

Situational social pressure is real, and can have both positive and negative effects on people. Sometimes it gets downright creepy imo, when it comes out badly. I too believe that one can be professional without tossing your personality out of the office window. Where this feels difficult to achieve, one wonders if it is a problem with the individual, the environment / culture, or a bit of both?

I agree with you. Yes I will admit, there are some things I would never say or do at work myself, especially since I am pretty new, but at the same time, I definitely don't act overly fake. And yes, there are times when I think it is a combination of both. I know one of my coworkers has an attitude problem at work, she even admitted it to me. So I think individual behavior and work environment can go hand in hand that determines how fake someone may act.

And yeah, I agree that depending on how fake a coworker acts, it can come off as alarming or creepy. Like I mentioned about my one coworker, the fact that she is like a totally different person at work than outside of work is rather troubling at times. She will open up to me and tell me things, but then at work, she will tell me or other people basically the exact opposite. Quite alarming, it is as if I was speaking to two different people. But I just try to deal with it and not let it bug me too much. She is nice in general, I think she just has a problem with how she should act at work as opposed to outside of work.

I am so glad I've found this forum. I see posts like that all the time that show how I feel.
This morning I was in a meeting and I wanted to just scream out loud in frustration at how corporate my coworkers are. My brain is wired the exact opposite of corporate and it's really hard for me to play the game. And that is holding me back. It just sucks. But at least I'm not alone.

Yep I agree. I sometimes want to lash out in frustrating too. I want to tell one of them that they should stop being so fake. Like, they can be their real selves and still maintain professionalism.

I'm not fake at work, but I am definitely different than in my personal life. After a career as an artist, I went into arts administration. So now on the business side, I cover up all my tattoos in the workplace, dress more conservatively, do my hair more conservatively, and I don't talk about politics or my beliefs in the workplace. But outside of work, I will chum up to some co-workers, dress down and let my tatts show, my house is decorated with my artwork, even the edgy stuff, and I share my opinions on my social media online (within reason, I don't get into fights on social media and if I do have to say something negative I say it in the most constructive way possible).

I guess it also depends on how much of your job is a public persona too? My job requires me to be a representative in the community for my organization. So I see people I work with outside of work. I do worry sometimes that when they see me outside of work they see my tattoos and my style and see I'm not so conservative, but hopefully, knowing my professionalism from the workplace, they don't judge me because of it.

I think there is a difference between people who are friendly at work but act fake like they are trying to be friends with co-workers even though the only reason we know each other is work. Those are the people that irritate me. Like, the only reason I know you is because of work. I don't need to know your whole life story. I don't need to be best buds with you. But we do need to be great co-workers and have a good working relationship.

I don't know if I'm making any sense. But I do think I know what you're talking about with fake people.

Seesaw

Same here. I wanted to vent a bit today about that. I just can't adapt, I have the impression to be the one who is weird.
I can't stand all of these. I just wanted to be home quickly, just can't stand the fake or insecure people.

One other thing I would like to mention is about work outfit. As a woman, when I wear skirts or other nice clothing men would get the tendency to be nice almost flirty with me, which is not very bothersome, but my trouble is with women. They will act in an insecure way and will try to look for trouble.
I already don't let my hair down as I have a full head of hair and looks "exotic" and sexy. But I want to wear skirts or dress time to time without feeling guilty or being scared of attacks from women.
How would you handle this? Thank

Yes you are exactly right. That's exactly what I'm talking about. I never mentioned it, but it depends on the job as well like you said. For the job you have, I can totally see why you would act differently, I would do the same thing. I see nothing wrong with how you handle your work life. The people who pretend to be friends with their coworkers when they really aren't are the ones I don't like, just like you mentioned. And the coworker I mentioned, she tends to do this.

Also if she is outside of work and shares her feelings bout something, she will say the complete opposite if she shares with other coworkers at work, even if it is in private. She goes back and forth. Almost like she is trying not to be figured out by other people. And we are paraprofessional at a high school so I can understand some things should not be discussed. I just wish coworkers wouldn't act like they are two seperate people at times. To the point where it seems as if they are deliberately trying to be mysterious.

Fake selves at work - this is not reserved to workplace, from what I have seen.

Having until recently worked for many years as a freelancer, I am only now starting to notice the other side of the sincerity issue. My old habits make me say much more thank I would feel comfortable to say, especially when speaking with a good "interrogator". When what I disclosed gets back to me from other colleagues, I realise there is a "black market" for gossip, sometimes malevolent.

I wish I were able to keep my mouth shut - and I am getting better, mostly by avoiding certain contexts - but this works only most of the time.

It is good to stay loyal to your values, I think, but sometimes I have an impression that the said fakeness acts as an adaptative strategy. It does make the world lose in truth and beauty, and makes the system more prone to corruption, so I try to strike the balance between staying true and protecting myself against those who are smart enough to compromise my self-protection unless I stay away as much as possible - physically and emotionally.