I cried all the way home on the bus today. I am behind with all my bills, I am going through drug withdrawal and I majorly messed up at work. Thing is a monkey could be trained to do my job and I still manage to make a **** up.
It seems my capacity for self sabotage really is a bottomless pit.
Anytime I screw up, my mind fleetingly considers suicide, like my life really depends on it. I mean no person was harmed but still. I can't quit though, because I have been to every road possible. If I take a day off it just makes it harder to go back.
I have already out stayed my welcome as one of the popular workers took an instant dislike to me.
I can't lose my flat...I just can't
My own fault for being so arrogant, thinking I could work through hard drugs withdrawal.
I have already had to resort to a half way house, in order to secure my own tenancy.
It's a downward spiral for me.
Can't break the cycle.
People in and out of jail, I am destined to be in and out of psyche ward for the rest of my days.

[seesaw]

(((SapphireRed)))

Try not to be so hard on yourself. Maybe a trained monkey could do your job, but if that were the case, they would go and get trained monkeys to do it, not you. So I doubt that a monkey is more valuable an employee than you are.

We all go through difficult times at work, you are not alone. We know how you feel!

You are very strong to keep going back and sticking at it so that you can pay your bills and maintain your lifestyle. Many people would give up and just quit, but some of us have to stay even in a bad situation because we have to support ourselves and/or others.

You were not arrogant thinking you could return to work while going through withdrawal, just maybe expected too much, but it's okay to dream big.

You will make it through this. Maybe it's time to start looking for a new job so you can leave this one.

You are going through a tough time. That's an understatement. You are struggling to keep a roof over your head and stay alive. Allow yourself to understand the depth of the situation and don't be so hard on yourself for it. You will make it through to the other side.

(((Hugs)))
Seesaw

[eyesclosed]

Your fighting the good fight and need support and I support you. I have been where you are and can tell you that it's possible to win. No one is perfect at work or in life be nice to yourself.