[seesaw]

This keep nagging me. When the HR director worked out with my supervisor to get me some time off to rest, the HR director was talking to me and said, "I said to her "This isn't the Seesaw that I know...""

I know she meant that like, I'm normally a lot more cheerful (I guess?) or vibrant, not as worn down? I'm not sure what she meant by that. Because I don't feel like anything in me has changed except maybe I'm not doing as good a job hiding my symptoms. So, for me to be accepted, I have to pretend that I'm not ill, albeit, mentally ill?

I appreciated that she meant she noticed there was a difference and I was overwhelmed with stress, but I'm also, I dunno, irritated, that the difference is based on me stigmatizing myself by pretending that I'm always okay.

I don't know...

Seesaw

[Proud123]

I completely get what you're saying.....I think. I know with me, my "good days" are the ones where I manage to put a mask on so people around me dont notice my symptoms. However, just because they don't notice them, does NOT mean I'm not still dealing with them, struggling to push them down. It's exhausting! So then on my "bad days" people notice my symptoms and think that it's just some rare flare-up or something and act like I should be able to maintain my cool during those "rare bad days". WRONG! Every day is a battle, and sometimes you win and sometimes you lose. It's frustrating because you try to put the best version of you out there, but you know that the real you is sick and hurt....and having somebody say "you haven't been yourself"...it's like... grrr no, actually I AM finally being my real self and that person needs a break because I've been pushed to my limits trying to maintain the "me" that I've let you see. Does that make sense? At least for me, it's very frustrating and I tend to get resentful and feel unappreciated by the people who just don't get it.... But on the positive side... at least you know they weren't TRYING to be hurtful.