My mother seems to think that I cannot sustain a full-time job. It is only because she was never brawn enough to make it on her own. She would tell my neighbour she was away to keep the wolf from the door when she was working all of four hours. I would shake my head and seethe inside.
I was in a half way house not so long ago, as it was the only way I could swindle myself a flat. And I felt like saying to one of the women who went "now you can look for part-time work" that I didn't go to college full time to just do some part-time shelf stacking. I will used the brains I was blessed and born with. Just watch
You will all be sorry for writing me off, mark my words. I will go back to college (FULLTIME) come August and get a little cleaning job so I can go out with my friends.

I was in hospital in April but that was a physical reason, my thyroid. I went on to work full-time. In the past I have worked two jobs and went night courses at college plus look after a big baby at home

Ever get a bit between your teeth? And dismiss it as nothing. He is just pompous and spoilt, a product of his environment. I was about 16 and they said "you are so anti-social" then a female friend chips in "maybe she is just shy." I must admit I have held it against them. But they have not changed much, saying "you know the problem with earning more (than his sis) you have to pay for everything..." I would never boast like that at their age. I have never been the jealous type either. I grew up thinking I would have to work my butt off to get the things I wanted. My mother always wanted to be one of the boys. When I broke it off with my fiancé, she took his side saying "the poor boy must be devastated." And in-front of my brothers girl friend I said, "don't you care if I am happy?"

Astronaut. I have been looking after her. Liar. Heated up one bowl of tomato soup, in the microwave. It was first time they had done something for me for as far back as I could remember. I had the flu and was feeling dead beat. Hot shower, coincidence. Lee Evans. Claustrophobia

When I was discharges from the ward after my first destructive psychotic episode, I lived in a bubble of denial. I was so sick, really ill and it was going to take a miracle for me to have any semblance of a satisfying existence.
In time I tried to get back on the horse.

I applied for a number of office based jobs - one in an insurance company just photocopying and skivvy stuff and another that sold to numerous trades, building companies, agriculture etc. I made it to the last three of fifty applicants and lost out, and was crushed. I never tried at the one before, left my hair all dishevelled. But I knew the girl, which made it harder and I still bring it up to this day. But it is a good job I never won anyway because I got ill again. My mum was so negative saying at 18 years old I was too old to get an office job as everyone wanted a 16 year old office junior. She just had no faith in me whatsoever. What's good enough for me is more than good enough for you, beggars cannot be choosers. I applied to my local council several times, no joy.

Later on I got Fred's sis to write my application and she just made a fool of me. She worked there and left her payslip out for everyone to see her pay rise. What a b^&ch. His other sis would bawl at us for using the computer "get the f%^k off, I have more important things to do than you two ever will..." hm and I thought I was highly strung.

I went on a course at college to prepare a C.V and they were surprisingly very nice and helpful. When I got a job at a place at 19, I heard them laughing their socks off in the office and I knew what was coming. They were looking at my c.v. and ripping me to shreds. I was not what the paper claimed.

I had been dismissed before my three month trial twice before that. I don't know why I didn't run away from it all, devastated?? In the songs I listened to, they were about running away, people falling from grace, the smiths, the cure ...

Still think your not missing out on anything??
I know they were trying to be helpful.
You do get money you know..
I can't imagine ...with a gun doing assault courses
So it wasn't just my parents with this notion of the armed forces subsidising your degree. Did they not realise the whole point of joining up is to fight for your country? It's not a free ticket on a cruise ship around the world while they programme you as if you were a cyborg, to perform occupations of your choosing, in their secret underground lair and shape you into a well rounded, qualified, dignified, soldier ....

I did return to college. I was living on borrowed time, and I couldn't take many more blows to my fragile state of mind. So I pulled through by the skin of my teeth. I shook with nerves doing a talk. I couldn't quit. They stole my thunder. I came out with odd opinions. I was not brave. Misguided, arrogant, maybe. Why did I pursue that subject, my cover was blown, here was my opportunity....freeze....stumble...stutter....vague...not convinced.....sit and listen...I couldn't open up to a group of strangers who was I trying to kid....my mother pretended that her and my father never existed and I was following suit. All I had to say was I had experience of mental health, depression, 1 in 4,
but I told the cv guy and he changed the subject quicker than Usain Bolt. I think I decided that the world wasn't ready for such frankness

I forgot about Derek, my late cousin, superstar...

My mind was becoming a Kafka novel, lost In the neurosis, the castle inside a labyrinth, in a maze, inverted, an enigma, never-ending mathematical equation, a dog chasing it's tail

I feel sorry for the poor punter that ends up with you...