Need coworkers who need everyone to like them

I have a fellow teacher as a co-worker and she needs to have everyone like her all the time. She wants almost all the students to like her; all the teachers to like her; all the parents to like her; all the administrators to like her. She is constantly flattering them in one way or another.

For students, she is the Easy A grader so the rest of us teachers look strict and like hard graders. She doesn't always enforce the rules with the students if the students dislike the rules. Again, the teachers who do enforce the rules look like strict jerks because she is the fun one who lets them break the rules. She remakred to me that one student she thought had an identic memory, but that student definitely did not have an identic memory. He was just an average run-of-the-mill smartish student, but she lies to herself to make them out to be great.

She bends over backwards for all teachers to like her. She just met some new teachers yesterday and even though she knows very little about them, she is agreeing with everything they say, laughing at all their jokes, and commiserating at their sad stories like she knows for sure they are great people. Maybe there are okay people, but I like to get to know people a little bit before I start to issue them a carte blanche.

She is always the first one to flatter and agree with the principal. She rarely murmurs a dissent to the principal. The thing is that my workplace has some immoral and amoral activities and she turns a blind eye because she wants the administrators to like her.

Do you have any needy constantly flattering co-workers who need for everyone to like them? For awhile, I was aloof from her, which made her want to get me to like her too. She won me over--sort of. I still see her for what she is, but I don't broadcast my disdain in the way I once did.

Thoughts on how to deal with this?

Considering how you feel in your current job, and how you feel about your school principal, I would just ignore her. We can't change the personalities of the people we work with. Unless you catch her in an inappropriate relationship with a student at your school, I'd just focus on your main goal of having a good school year with your own students, while you continue to look for another teaching job.

It's fine that you don't like her. We don't have to like everyone whom we work with. And it shows you are the bigger person, if you don't act on those feelings and just keep them to yourself.

Don't get caught up in the water cooler gossip about her with your fellow teachers, because participating in gossip with them won't earn their respect of you; it will make you look like the gossiper. I've seen those situations happen. Don't let yourself vent to your fellow teachers about her, because your main goal is to exit that school and your teaching position there on good terms all around, right?

Also, I was once told that the strong reaction we have to people who push our buttons, is due to the fact that they remind us of someone similar from our past who acted the same way, or treated us the same way. So, it could be that she reminds you of someone from your past who needed to be the center of attention all the time, and that really bothers you which is totally normal. I can't stand being marginalized by anyone, especially men, because my own father marginalized me as a child, so it's left a deep emotional scar that has healed, but still hurts when I come across men who do that to me. Does that make sense?

Also, I was involved in a hobby 17 years ago with a group of people, and one of our group members was a total attention hog, a real narcissist. She'd lie and manipulate and play with people like chess pieces against each other for her own entertainment. When I was in a horrific accident that hospitalized me, she went out of her way to be the snarky gossiper and spread lies about me while I recovered in the ICU and rehabilitation unit for almost a year. I only found out about the lies she was spreading about me, when one of the group members, manipulated by her, tried to upset me by saying, "did you know so-and-so said this about you? How do you feel about that?" I immediately knew I was being antagonized, treated as a scapegoat. I waited to confront her in front of the entire group when I was 100% recovered. And while it made me feel good to confront her about her snarky gossip, it didn't change or sway how her adoring fans in the group felt about her. But, it did make them resent me because how dare I stand up for myself!

So, my advice is to just ignore this teacher unless you catch her doing something totally inappropriate with a student that would require you, as a mandatory reporter, to report her behavior to the school, school district, and the state. In the meantime, try to detach yourself from her need to have a roving fan club of fellow staff, the principals and students at your school. If she's that insecure that she needs constant attention, well, that's not your problem to solve, is it?

Just continue to be nice to her on the surface, since you know her true colors. And it's good that you didn't broadcast your disdain for her with your fellow teachers, because that would only harm you more than it would her.

Ignore her. That's my advice. You have more important things like finding a new teaching job to focus your energy on. Don't assume that people don't see her for her true colors (someone who may be very shallow, very insecure, have low self esteem). They may well do. But, let it go. Focus on making this school year a great one for yourself, since your plan is to find a new teaching job somewhere else. Hope that helps.

Makes sense. Thanks for your input.