Tough day at work today. I almost cracked up in front of my supervisor. It took all my strength to keep myself together. I really, really, really would have liked to let myself go and tell her what I thought of my work environment and the management.

I would have liked to pour out all my frustration about the fact that after working for over a year my job is not going anywhere and I don't have a future. I would liked to tell her that I felt exploited and that the company was only interested in hiring cheap labor in my department and that the management sucked.

I would like to tell her that for months I have been feeling like one of those Japanese workers who are left alone in their offices with nothing to do so they can voluntarily quit their jobs. (In this way their managers don't have to deal with them.)

I would have liked to quit my job but I didn't because I cannot afford to lose it without having another one lined up.

Darn! I was so close!...

I attended a meeting the other day. When I introduced myself I spelled my name loud because after more than a year my top supervisor still mispronounce it!

I usually don't care when people do that but I guess I am getting fed up about it in this case because this individual has been seeing me for quite a while now and he hasn't made any attempt to get it right. I know it's a small thing but this is just the tip of the iceberg...(even after spelling it he still didn't get it right so I guess it's a lost cause unless I change my name altogether).

I like the job that I do but the management of my department is a shamble, if it exists at all! All my co-workers, including my direct supervisor, and I are part-time and we all have different shifts. This means that most of the time I work alone and if there is a problem I have to "google" it and figure out the solution by myself or talk to the supervisors who supervise my direct supervisor! Most of the time they tell me to talk to my direct supervisor. So I end up going around in a circle. To make things worse is the fact that when I try to contact my direct supervisor via e-mail most of the times she doesn't bother to reply and I am left in limbo feeling discouraged and rather annoyed.

My direct supervisor has more exciting things to do outside this little part-time job so I figure she doesn't seems to care about how she "manages" the folks who are under her "supervision". However, when she wants to she can micromanage whatever I do and also it seems to me that she behaves differently with my co-workers but that it's another story! How exasperating and frustrating!

There are times when being at work is extremely depressing. It's ironic to think that months ago this company did an internal campaign against depression and suicide! Jeeeeezzzz!

[JustJenny]

Can you start applying for other job? I mean, before actually quitting this one.

Originally Posted by JustJenny

Can you start applying for other job? I mean, before actually quitting this one.

Recently I did a couple of internships that did not lead to a job offer or a hint about a job opening with a different employer. Then, I was supposed to be hired by company X but at the end nothing happened because I think the hiring manager changed her mind and , probably, hired somebody else. Basically I had bad luck and kept meeting the wrong people.

As a result of these failures my depression got worse and I felt mentally exhausted, my self-esteem and worth reached a rock bottom and I became suicidal again. Now I am scrambling to keep myself together and regain some mental stability, because without that how can I project myself in a good light to a potential employer?

Another factor that's very stressful at the moment is dealing with the aftermath of my divorce. When I separated from my ex-husband two years ago hell broke loose again (it happened several times before for different reasons). All the skeletons of unresolved issues jumped out of the closet. So I am wrestling them and, at the same time, I am dealing with a middle age crisis. I don't know where my life is going and whether there is any point in keep going I mean from an existential and philosophical point of view.

[JustJenny]

Can you afford not working for a little bit? When I snapped, I took 3 months off. They did not fix me, but they gave me enough time and space to put myself together.

Originally Posted by JustJenny

Can you afford not working for a little bit? When I snapped, I took 3 months off. They did not fix me, but they gave me enough time and space to put myself together.

Thanks for your suggestion! I am thinking about it. Right now I am trying to figure out a plan. I know that I need to get out of the house and the area where I live. I am mentally and intellectually "dying" here.

For more than a year my direct supervisor couldn't stop bragging about her "star" employee. When, for the first time, she praised his exceptional skills at figuring out and resolving technical problems I did not pay too much attention. However, when I had to listen to her admiration for this individual almost every time I went to work I started to build up a feeling of annoyance, jealousy, maybe resentment, and, eventually, I could not stand to be around her or him anymore for long periods of time.

This "star" co-worker is a nice, highly likable, funny guy who is very confident and has always a positive attitude unlike me. Basically, he has all the qualities that I would like to have. Since I was a child I have been struggling to keep my self-confidence afloat and improve my social skills so for me it is very challenging to cope with my supervisor's lack of sensitivity and extremely poor managerial skills.

Now this "star" co-worker is gone, but another one is coming to replace him next week and rumors are already spreading that he is a "super employee". I would like to give my notice but I cannot because, as I mentioned earlier, I don't have another job lined up.

I must admit that my direct supervisor's supervisor is very knowledgeable about the workings of my department and how to troubleshoot problems. But when she has to deal with her subordinates like me she doesn't seem to have a clue on how to avoid making them feel like idiots.

She has a strong personality and booming voice that can be rather intimidating at times, especially when I disagree with her. A week ago we disagreed and she kept putting me down by saying that I had told her the wrong ticket number when I remembered perfectly that the number was right. It took me all my mental strength to keep my cool and let it go.

I guess next time I'll write whatever information that I have to tell her on a piece of paper or e-mail so, hopefully, these disagreements won't happen again and I will reduce my stress level a notch.

Yesterday the pressure cooker did indeed explode! It wasn't me, though.

One of my co-workers lost his cool. He began to yell at one of his work buddies and those two had an argument in front of the other members of their team. Then the individual who "exploded" stormed out of the department.

I am very, very, very super very tempted to give my notice tomorrow...

This morning I gave my notice to my direct supervisor's supervisor.

As usual, we were speaking two different languages.

Was it me who mumbled incoherent English words to her or
it was she who wasn't listening to the sound of my words and did not make any attempt to understand them?

Topsy-turvy meaning: I say and write on a piece of paper that Friday, October 27, will be my last day of work and you, later, tell my direct supervisor that today is my last day of work!

Whatever!

It doesn't matter anymore.
In three weeks I'll be free from your depressing chains.

I have finally turned the last page of another chapter in my life...and what a page! Thick as the Great Wall of China and made of lead!

Now it's time to write a new chapter
on rice paper.