[PreciousQueen]

I wanted to get a few different perspectives on what is going on.
I had been talking to one of the security guards to the complex where I work. I "left" him 3x and after the last learned that he definitely was taking to a lot of other women.
Anyways,
I reported him because he did some inappropriate things while on shift. Not to his direct supervisor, but to the Director. He received a "stay away" order and was demoted to watching the parking lot only. For the past two days, whenever I look out the window of my work...he's there staring and then runs when he sees me looking. There is still an investigation into this, so he needs to stay away for that as well
Thoughts?

[Skeezyks]

Well... my thinking would be that, perhaps, the best thing to do now is to just wait & see what happens with regard to the investigation, assuming you feel comfortable doing so. On the other hand, you also don't want to simply let this go if you feel unsafe. In that case, perhaps another word with the Director is in order. I think whether you do, or do not, pursue this further at the present time is something you have to make a decision about since you're the one who's in the situation. On the one hand, you don't want to make matters worse if you don't have to. But, on the other hand, your safety, security & peace of mind come first.

Perhaps, if you're needing to access the parking lot where this guy is assigned, you might want to request an escort or at least find a trusted co-worker you can leave the building with. Plus, if getting into the building is a concern for you, perhaps a reserved parking space close to the door would be appropriate, as least for a while until things get resolved. I suppose it would be easy to make too much of this situation. However, with the way things are nowadays, one can't be too careful either, at least in my estimation. My best wishes to you...

[PreciousQueen]

Originally Posted by Skeezyks

Well... my thinking would be that, perhaps, the best thing to do now is to just wait & see what happens with regard to the investigation, assuming you feel comfortable doing so. On the other hand, you also don't want to simply let this go if you feel unsafe. In that case, perhaps another word with the Director is in order. I think whether you do, or do not, pursue this further at the present time is something you have to make a decision about since you're the one who's in the situation. On the one hand, you don't want to make matters worse if you don't have to. But, on the other hand, your safety, security & peace of mind come first.

Perhaps, if you're needing to access the parking lot where this guy is assigned, you might want to request an escort or at least find a trusted co-worker you can leave the building with. Plus, if getting into the building is a concern for you, perhaps a reserved parking space close to the door would be appropriate, as least for a while until things get resolved. I suppose it would be easy to make too much of this situation. However, with the way things are nowadays, one can't be too careful either, at least in my estimation. My best wishes to you...

The overreacting is the hang up for me, but the thing that's is really making me want to call is that .the parking structure is underground...and I'm on the second floor. He wasn't even supposed to be on floor one let alone floor 2

I have already asked one of his coworkers if they could run it past him that he's not supposed to be there and I'm getting uncomfortable with seeing him...he came back the next day.

[unaluna]

If you report him again, i think it is going to escalate things. Is he doing something illegal? Then like who died and made you the FBI?! When you say he was talking to other women, it sounds like you were jealous, so you are trying to get him fired. What do you want the outcome to be here?

[Pint-Sized Punker]

Originally Posted by unaluna

If you report him again, i think it is going to escalate things. Is he doing something illegal? Then like who died and made you the FBI?! When you say he was talking to other women, it sounds like you were jealous, so you are trying to get him fired. What do you want the outcome to be here?

I don't feel like your response is especially helpful in this situation, Una, since you seem to have dismissed the concept that this chap is following the OP around her place of work. Given that Queen has reported him, that he's received a demotion and that there's an ongoing investigation, it's doubtful that she is doing this out of spite. She also mentioned that he's been doing 'inappropriate things' besides popping up like a creeper and gawking at her through windows since said restrictions have been put in place.

Please don't jump the gun and play the 'you're just jealous because he's talking to someone else' card. Women need to be believed about such things, otherwise they'll continue to feel as though they have no voice or no right to speak up. Actually, no - everyone has the right to be believed in cases like this, not just women. It's pretty improbable that someone would post here looking for advice on how to go out of their way to get some innocent dude fired from his job.

Yet for all we know this could be a pack of lies, being an internet discussion forum and all, but would you rather we dismiss everyone's problems as BS or would you rather we try to lend a hand?

From what's been said, it sounds like he's either a bit dense when it comes to knowing where he should or shouldn't be during work hours due to his restrictions, or he's waiting for something. This is a very uncomfortable and precarious situation for anyone to be in. I'd second the suggestion of asking for an escort, and keep the Director or whomever else is involved in the investigation updated about his behaviour.

If he is continuing to do something that is making you concerned for your safety or the safety of others, then by all means follow it up. People who get off on potentially stalking or harassing women need to be shut down.

[ReptileInYourHead]

Hey precious
How about some clarification on the relationship you had with this security guard...
You said you talked and then “left” him, what do you mean by “left” and why does it matter if he talks to other women?
Too many unknowns to have an opinion.

[PreciousQueen]

Originally Posted by ReptileInYourHead

Hey precious
How about some clarification on the relationship you had with this security guard...
You said you talked and then “left” him, what do you mean by “left” and why does it matter if he talks to other women?
Too many unknowns to have an opinion.

1) I reported him BEFORE I found out about other women.
2) I care that they are there because I verbally told him: "go ***** her and leave me alone."

I'm sorry una, but I already have another man. I don't chase, I replace. You don't have to be the fbi to see someone stalking you. Honestly 🙄🙄. My coworkers are getting annoyed as well. He's not even subtle.

[ReptileInYourHead]

Were you guys dating then?

[PreciousQueen]

Originally Posted by ReptileInYourHead

Were you guys dating then?

Im not exactly sure how to label it. We flirted a lot and he asked me to be his girlfriend, and I said if that was going to happen, he and I would be moving that outside of the work place...for the exact reason that this is happening. He didn't do that and started getting really gross, so I did send him a text saying it was off.
The next day he was outside my work and acting odd.i didn't see him at first and my coworker told me he was walking around kinda agitated and he thought the guard was going to walk in. Then he began the following me but not repsonding and here I am.

[Pint-Sized Punker]

Rejection can be a dodgy one.

As an example of nonsense like this happening, resulting in nothing but being nonetheless terrifying; I had a guy follow me home on the bus when I was in my early teens, but instead of folks thinking he was being overzealous in how he was approaching me, they thought it was just a kid being cute and trying to woo a girl. It wasn't cute. Initially the whole thing was friendly, since I was carrying a sizeable set of bookshelves home and he was offering to help, but the more he spoke the more I wanted him to leave me alone. So then, once he'd decided he wouldn't take 'no' for an answer, he got off at my stop and followed me almost to my house, asking for my number the whole way. All I could think about was 'what will happen if he finds out where I live?'. In the end, I turned off into another street where a family friend lives in case I needed to call on him, but luckily he gave up after a bit.

We so often hear about similar situations that turn out differently, this is why as fellow human beings we need to believe people when they report incidents like this, in case they lead to something worse. Of course, there are always going to be cases of false accusations, but they largely come out in the wash. Nobody deserves to be humiliated by somebody out of jealousy or spite, but then nobody deserves to be followed either. Context is always important.

In my opinion, going by what's been said, he sounds like a total creep and I'd rather you be overly cautious about nothing than him try something because his ego was quashed.

[ReptileInYourHead]

Or he’s upset that you broke it off via text. He probably wants to talk to you.
Regardless, your own safety comes first, if you truly feel threatened...but further action could cost him his job by the sounds of it.
Parameters are still too vague, I have no advice, don’t think you need it anyways.

[unaluna]

All im saying is, if hes a hot-head, i wouldnt be trying to teach him a lesson.

I tended to be overly friendly and got myself into similar situations when i was younger and cuter. Usually if you tell a new guy you have a boyfriend, they will back off.

But they dont like hearing that its just you rejecting them! Well who does? But it gets scary, ive been there.

[divine1966]

Unfortunately when you date or flirt on the job, you run a huge risk. Many things could go wrong. You’d be better off not flirt or date on the job.

Some of your comments were extremely confusing. You left him three times? You dated him theee times? You left him via text? You “replace”? How is him talking to other women relevant?

Is this post about being harassed on the job or about your bad dating experience with a colleague?

[PreciousQueen]

Originally Posted by unaluna

All im saying is, if hes a hot-head, i wouldnt be trying to teach him a lesson.

I tended to be overly friendly and got myself into similar situations when i was younger and cuter. Usually if you tell a new guy you have a boyfriend, they will back off.

But they dont like hearing that its just you rejecting them! Well who does? But it gets scary, ive been there.

And I'm just trying to say you're incredibly rude. If my safety is to teach him a lesson, then you can move on. If I make a decision, it'll be the exact opposite of yours because of your horrid attitude.

[PreciousQueen]

Originally Posted by divine1966

Unfortunately when you date or flirt on the job, you run a huge risk. Many things could go wrong. You’d be better off not flirt or date on the job.

Some of your comments were extremely confusing. You left him three times? You dated him theee times? You left him via text? You “replace”? How is him talking to other women relevant?

Is this post about being harassed on the job or about your bad dating experience with a colleague?

Well I did write in the title "security guard following me" everything else is background.

[divine1966]

Originally Posted by PreciousQueen

Well I did write in the title "security guard following me" everything else is background.

I think background does make a big difference. If you flirted or dated and then complain about him, he can always bring it up that you flirted with him and he thought you were encouraging him. If he is just a coworker (which he isn’t), then it would be a different story.

[unaluna]

Originally Posted by PreciousQueen

And I'm just trying to say you're incredibly rude. If my safety is to teach him a lesson, then you can move on. If I make a decision, it'll be the exact opposite of yours because of your horrid attitude.

Im sorry. I didnt mean to be rude or express a bad attitude. I am concerned for your safety and i hope things work out okay.

[Pint-Sized Punker]

Just popping back to make mention that there has been a decent amount of bullying masked as concern in this thread, as if Queen is somehow to blame, and it isn't cool. Some posts have even been deleted because they contained profanity directed at the OP.

I think we all need to stop making assumptions and offer her some advice, or simply not comment.

[*Laurie*]

Originally Posted by Pint-Sized Punker

Just popping back to make mention that there has been a decent amount of bullying masked as concern in this thread, as if Queen is somehow to blame, and it isn't cool. Some posts have even been deleted because they contained profanity directed at the OP.

I think we all need to stop making assumptions and offer her some advice, or simply not comment.

It seems to me that the original post was confusing to some of us. Clarification was needed, so questions were asked. That seems fair. I'm still unclear on, for example, what "I left him 3x" means.

By the way, I appreciate what you're trying to do by protecting another member. I think your intention is commendable. I also believe that, since you've been on PC for such a short time, you might observe a bit more and get to know people before you accuse anyone of something as harsh as bullying.

[Pint-Sized Punker]

Just because I've been here for such a short amount of time doesn't mean I can't or shouldn't call someone out for being rude and throwing around profanity, which is what happened.

What was said was rude and unhelpful to the OP. I didn't sign up to this place to be surrounded by folks who like to treat people like that, whether intentional or not. You had little right to call her what you called her on the grounds that you didn't understand where she was coming from.

You're asking me not to make assumptions or accusations and yet Queen has been on the receiving end of such repeatedly insofar as her intentions are concerned. That's all I have to say, and forgive me but I feel like this entire thread is turning into an argument so we're probably best leaving the rest of this mess to a moderator.

Now I'm triggered. Yay. A great end to the night.

[seesaw]

Originally Posted by Pint-Sized Punker

Just popping back to make mention that there has been a decent amount of bullying masked as concern in this thread, as if Queen is somehow to blame, and it isn't cool. Some posts have even been deleted because they contained profanity directed at the OP.

I think we all need to stop making assumptions and offer her some advice, or simply not comment.

I haven't seen any bullying. I have seen people trying to understand the situation by asking questions, which is normal. Trying to understand what the OP is saying is not bullying. People are trying to give good suggestions, but they can't do that if they don't have the full story or details are unclear.

I also don't know what you're referring to as profanity. I've been following the thread and haven't seen any profanity.

[Pint-Sized Punker]

Originally Posted by seesaw

I haven't seen any bullying. I have seen people trying to understand the situation by asking questions, which is normal. Trying to understand what the OP is saying is not bullying. People are trying to give good suggestions, but they can't do that if they don't have the full story or details are unclear.

I also don't know what you're referring to as profanity. I've been following the thread and haven't seen any profanity.

The post containing profanity was deleted by an admin, as was my response to it.

[seesaw]

Originally Posted by Pint-Sized Punker

The post containing profanity was deleted by an admin, as was my response to it.

That's good then. Mods are pretty responsive. Just a note from someone who has been here a while, best to just report things you find problematic than call people out in the threads. Tends to escalate situations rather than just letting the mods handle it.

Thanks for being so supportive and welcome!

Seesaw

[Pint-Sized Punker]

Thank you. I realise that now. Currently crying at the computer because Cit withdrawals have made me over-emotional.

I should probably just go to bed.

[seesaw]

Originally Posted by Pint-Sized Punker

Thank you. I realise that now. Currently crying at the computer because Cit withdrawals have made me over-emotional.

I should probably just go to bed.

I hope you feel better!