My friend continues to struggle at work. I feel bad for feeling this way but I got annoyed this week. My friend has failed so much at a certain stressful period at work they actually reduced the period and gave the work to the rest of us. So now i have a longer stressful period and she a shorter.

She was on her stressful period this week and ended up staying late. She stays late because she isn't very fast and needs to stay late to do that. She gets reimbursed for the time. (so she gets to accrue leave for her slowness).

But management gave her a cash reward for getting her job done.

That was so frustrating to me. During my busy period it is just me... all alone and i get it all done within 9 to 5, without a peep.

It is always that way... people who visibly struggle just get more.

This comes on top of my friend failing to do something and then, my manager was in my office asking me about my work (same one who gave her the cash award). MY work was done. But I had to show that to her and I was irked that I had to do it at all. But where is my cash award? Not that I really want one but... grrr.

I kind of want to say something but I am not supposed to know about this stuff so I kind of can't.

[divine1966]

Ugh. I hear you! Unfortunately that crap is common. Sometimes more work you do and better you are, less recognition you get UNLESS you are playing your cards certain way: kiss bosses a$$es, complain, or brag, or make sure everyone notices their work etc If you just quietly doing your work, you are often not noticed at all. Very frustrating.

Ugh, my friend called me last night very upset and I feel for her so I listened but, unfortunately, she is in the wrong.

(1) she complains about all the work she has to do in her off time. But the truth is that she has to do that because she is slow and inefficient. She has some "time" accrued that she is going to lose because she can't take time off. But she can... she is just really stubborn about it. She definitely has a bit of an entitlement problem. She had yesterday off because of snow, but the way it works is that you have it off if your not needed. So she got called in because she was needed. She acted like she had an absolute right not to come in. I went in and I wasn't even needed. To get in I had to travel on scary roads, clean off my car, and take an unreliable train. She just had to clean off her car and drive 5 minutes to park in a parking garage.

(2) She always acts like she is working all the time but forgets that she lives very close to her work. Most people don't. Every commute for me is an hour and 1/2 or more... but her commute is 5 minutes. So if she is being called in for an extra hour of work, she still has more free time than me. Not to mention I do work from home often.

(3) Her boss is kind of a jerk, but, a lot of the animosity is because of her. For example.. she makes mistakes that are real. Without any extra work. My jerk boss used to make work up to insure I would always be struggling to keep up with my work. She just has the basic job and still keeps making errors.

(4) I have been there where every word your boss says makes you angry, but, some of what her boss says isn't horribly rude... it is just her reaction to it. I told her she has to laugh. But at the moment she can't.

(5) She always has reasons she can't take common sense steps. There was a job opening a few months ago that would have meant a reduction in salary but would have gotten her out of the situation. The powers that be wanted her for it not only to get her out of the situation but because she would have done a good job. But she refused to apply. I told her this was her only chance for sanity and argued that she could do that job -- get good reviews -- and then apply for a better job. She refused. Her boss believes that someone else in her job would be so much better and he won't rest until he gets someone else. So she should have let him find out there is no one better.

She wants to do something this weekend with me. I can't tell why. I helped her out with her work this week and I think she thinks she owes me. But she doesn't.. honestly I just want to help. I kind of don't know if I can be supportive in person.

[divine1966]

I hear what you are saying re her being slow on a job and then complain. I know people who do bad job yet complain non stop.

But I am confused you are referring to her as your friend but are surprised she wants to hang out? I think it’s very normal thing for friends to want to hang out on free time. Is she really not a friend?

Originally Posted by divine1966

But I am confused you are referring to her as your friend but are surprised she wants to hang out? I think it’s very normal thing for friends to want to hang out on free time. Is she really not a friend?

Her trip is a long one. We can hang out at work or on the phone. I feel like she feels she has to pay me back for helping her out at work and truly I don't want her to feel that way. not like she doesn't have enough work to do. But if truly she wants to hang out sure.. but I don't feel like that is it.. I feel like it is an "I owe you situation."

[divine1966]

Originally Posted by Emily Fox Seaton

Her trip is a long one. We can hang out at work or on the phone. I feel like she feels she has to pay me back for helping her out at work and truly I don't want her to feel that way. not like she doesn't have enough work to do. But if truly she wants to hang out sure.. but I don't feel like that is it.. I feel like it is an "I owe you situation."

It could be that she feels she owes you. Don’t know. She maybe wants to meet half way. No clue.

I think I just have different understanding of word “friend”. I hang out with my friends. Such as spend time. If I just see a person at work or talk on the phone, I consider them just coworkers or acquitances. I think that’s where my confusion come from.

So she came over and we talked... it was tough. I figured she didn't want to hear she was in the wrong but she kind of is.

Basically for most of her job life she has been in charge and basically able to do things her way. But now, she isn't. And I get that she has a major stubborn streak and doesn't seem willing to try to conform to what her boss wants. As they say, she is either unwilling or unable.

Most of her arguments just kept reminding me that we are not equivalent at all.

She reminded me that her job has actually changed so less work is given to her and more to me... yet she still has problems. She reminded me that I have never been so much as given an oral warning in my job, she has been cited for insubordination and was once suspended without pay. She reminded me she gets up for work daily at 7 AM to make a 9 am start time, while I get up at 5:30 to make an 8:30 start time and usually am late due to the train I am forced to take, though she gets to park in a parking garage and walk in. If I am late I have to stay late to make up the time.

Every word out of her mouth kind of annoyed me.

I know that she would not respond well to being taken to task on this so I am not going to.

And for all of this.. she got a cash award.

[seesaw]

Emily, can you just be busy the next time she wants to "vent" to you? Because her venting also sounds kind of abusive if she is bringing up stuff that you did wrong, like being late, or something.

Honestly, you have to stop being her punching bag. Just tell her you don't have time to chat next time because you have an increased work load. (Hint, hint, because of her.)

Seesaw

[divine1966]

She is off base. She comes over and talks about how you are late for work? She doesn’t sound like a friend. Annoying

Originally Posted by seesaw

Emily, can you just be busy the next time she wants to "vent" to you? Because her venting also sounds kind of abusive if she is bringing up stuff that you did wrong, like being late, or something.

I don't think she brought up that I was late. Sorry if that got in there. In theory she is going back to her home base and should be away from me for a while. One of my next busy periods will be shared with her in August so there will be some interaction.

I just do think she is off base. Kind of want to tell her but can't.