Like a Drug (MAJOR TRIGGER WARNING)

The cooking industry is like a drug. You want to stop doing it, but you can't.
You want to change careers, but all people see on your resume is "cooking" and it gets tossed out.

You want a chance to show your transferable skills, but no one will give you a fair shot.

This industry beats you down, destroys you, takes away your happiness, kills any confidence or self-esteem until you're a shell of your former self. It's like being in an abusive relationship. You don't know what's out there, and you stay where it's "safe."

You become bitter, old, angry, irritable to the point you either drive people away, or you shut down and block them out.

It slowly kills you from the inside out, until you are too beaten down and weak to fight anymore.


It's like a drug.

I didn't find this triggering at all, FYI.

I am sorry you are going through this. A lot of industries are this way, actually. You get stuck, professionally, after a certain age.

I have no advice, only compassion and empathy. I hope you can find some respite.

Seesaw

If you can't change your job then change yourself . Get fitter and stronger both physically and mentally. Set new goals within the confines of the reality you live in . Achieve them . Tick off the boxes and regain hope and as much control of your destiny as you can realistically hope to achieve . If someone had suggested this to me three years ago I would have been angry at their lack of understanding at my plight . But after bumbling along seeking answers it's become clear that it works . If you are in a career long term that you once performed at a high level and we're perfectly capable of surviving the challenges of that role ...does the job really change , or is it that you have just become less well equipped to perform it . Fix yourself , fix all problems .

Have you looked into Second Career? I believe you can study anywhere in the province where there is a community college.

It has come up with my Career Councillor, but it seems "too good to be true," and I've been fooled before.

Also, if I do qualify, I would have to attend school in my city (Ottawa), which I DO NOT want to do. I want to get the hell away from here.

If I do successfully complete whatever it is I choose to do, I will be in my early 40s. Are people seriously going to give a 40something year old guy who has no prior experience in that field a fair shot? Not a chance. People want youth. Despite what other people say, AGEISM DOES EXIST. I've seen it. I've experienced it. My sex, my age, and my health are three big strikes against me.

I have been taking steps to achieve that. I do 20 squats and 40 dumbbell lifts with each arm every morning. I also walk for at least 10 minutes after breakfast. Then I'm usually dead tired and have to take a nap. LOL.

Creating the list of goals (including my hopes and dreams) are a good idea. There are a lot of things I want to do, but my current financial situation makes it almost impossible.

I was a cook for 18 years. For the last half of it, I dealt with a lot of bullying, angry/sadistic chefs, and incredibly LOUD work environments. I just broke down and couldn't take it anymore. I have completely lost my passion for cooking. Despite what other people say, the industry has not changed at all. A lot of people have dealt with the same thing and worse (google "Chefs with Issues" for further detail). No matter how much I change myself, the industry will not, and according to my doctor, if I stayed in it any longer, I probably would be dead.

I live in Ottawa too, so I think, I understand what you are saying. There isn't much here if you don't want to work in retail/service, government, high tech and health care. Plus the winters are depressing. Maybe a move is what you need.

Wow, is it really that bleak? I know others who have gotten jobs in their 40s and 50s who were guys. It must depend on the industry.

For what it's worth my mother in law went to law school in her 40's and has been well employed ever since. A person's biggest limitation is their attitude. If you want a change, make it happen. ,

Yes ageism exists , just like every form of discrimination exists ( that's because we are humans and we ruled by our emotions ) , but it works both ways . Recently I chose between two equal candidates . One 23 the other 41 . I chose the 41 yr old purely due to their age and my perception of them being more mature and settled . Life is not fair . You just accept that and achieve anyway . Or you become one of its victims .