[orangyred]

I'm really struggling with my job right now. A year ago we got this new person who could be equated to a VP. She's manipulative and she's backwards in the way she runs things. Instead of moving into the 21st Century, we're actually going back to the 20th Century.

I know from personal experience that's she manipulative since when my department supervisor wouldn't allow my position to move to her department she created a new position to get what she could of my job. She's managed to get most of it, too. She's trying to get the rest by being as difficult as she can about it. What I hate about manipulative people like her is that you can't prove what she's done. She comes across as in control and "sweet". If that makes sense.

It's really taking it's toll on me. Everything little thing that isn't even necessarily related to her is driving me nuts. Because she has no leadership skills everyone is running amok and then they start questing me as to why something happened. It's hard to deal with.

I feel like walking out, but I think that would be really stupid on my part. I want to quit and find another job, but every time I try there is something inside that tells me to wait.

I'm writing right now because I just want to bawl my eyes out about the work situation. I guess I'm being overly sensitive. I know people probably have worse situations at work than me, but it's rough. It's really rough.

[leomama]

Originally Posted by orangyred

I'm really struggling with my job right now. A year ago we got this new person who could be equated to a VP. She's manipulative and she's backwards in the way she runs things. Instead of moving into the 21st Century, we're actually going back to the 20th Century.


I know from personal experience that's she manipulative since when my department supervisor wouldn't allow my position to move to her department she created a new position to get what she could of my job. She's managed to get most of it, too. She's trying to get the rest by being as difficult as she can about it. What I hate about manipulative people like her is that you can't prove what she's done. She comes across as in control and "sweet". If that makes sense.


It's really taking it's toll on me. Everything little thing that isn't even necessarily related to her is driving me nuts. Because she has no leadership skills everyone is running amok and then they start questing me as to why something happened. It's hard to deal with.


I feel like walking out, but I think that would be really stupid on my part. I want to quit and find another job, but every time I try there is something inside that tells me to wait.


I'm writing right now because I just want to bawl my eyes out about the work situation. I guess I'm being overly sensitive. I know people probably have worse situations at work than me, but it's rough. It's really rough.

I don’t think you’re being overly sensitive. When you accepted the job did you have an idea of how you wanted to work there? Has that amount of time elapsed? Did you define goals for yourself in the beginning? Have you achieved them?

[seesaw]

Originally Posted by orangyred

What I hate about manipulative people like her is that you can't prove what she's done. She comes across as in control and "sweet". If that makes sense.

That's a bully for you. You said it right there ^. Manipulators make themselves seem like victims really when they are the ones manipulating and bullying. Dealing with this right now myself. And the only way I can prove that what's been said is false, is by showing proof that it is false, which is difficult. Not impossible, but difficult. For example, my supervisor yelled at me for not doing something she said she told me to do. Except the time in which she was saying she told me to do this thing, she was out of town, and I have no emails or phone calls on record from her during this time period. So unless she's telepathic, there is no physical way that what she's saying happened, happened. But to do that, and to prove that this didn't happen, I have to confront my boss and point out to her that it's not possible. I don't want to be reprimanded for a mistake I didn't make, but I also don't want to be confrontational with my boss, who does manipulate and is a bully. Well, ex-boss. I don't have to deal with her anymore. But I am in a similar situation now with something else. Fortunately I have witnesses, so I am hoping I will be believed.

If you can start to look for a different job, that's what I would do. Working for someone who manipulates like that can make life hell. You dread going into work because you don't know what lies you will be forced to deal with or what defenses you will be forced to use. You can never just be calm and do your job. You always have to look out for the next sneak attack.

Seesaw

[hvert]

You aren't being oversensitive. You just care about your job and company a lot. You care about what happens, probably more than people with even greater responsibility.

Are there any small steps you could take to improve the situation? Could you tell people who are looking to you to sort out the chaos that they should talk to someone else?

Also, you say that she has most of your job. Are you worried that she is going to steal all of your job and leave you with nothing? Would it be possible to get a completely different job within your company, one that leaves you less exposed to this person?

[orangyred]

to answer leomama, I have thought about leaving my job, but I really don't think that is the right answer for me at this time.

thanks, seesaw, for your insight.

hvert, I am worried she is going to steal all of my job and leave me with nothing. I have been told that where I'm at they could find me something to do. I'll try to believe that if my worse fears come true. The person who told me that, though, wants to leave our workplace. So I guess we'll just see what happens.

Today I'm feeling better about everything. Thanks for the kindness and advice!

[leomama]

I recommend some Facebook pages: the high conflict institute and the BIFF response. You can also google them.

[Seek]

Went through a similar situation. I'm a believer in prayer. So I prayed. Within the first year she quit for a better job and we were back to a much healthier work environment.

Just do your job. If she steps in and takes over some things and you're questioned about them, just say you were fine with doing them and would like to still, but she decided she wanted to do them and didn't ask your input so they need to ask her about those things she's now taken over. Offer to take on some additional duties to keep busy. She can only take on so much, and if you don't quit, she'll eventually burn out or give up and find another job where she can pull that on someone else. If the office is in chaos and wasn't before, people will start looking for the cause and realize when it started.

[Foo Fighter]

Sounds exactly like my first employer. Sweet, charming but she would ruin you. She chewed me out in front of my coworkers to the point I was in tears and then claimed I was too sensitive because I cried. If people caught me I lied and said my cat was sick. I cried because it hurt. She knew I had Aspergers but she did not make any effort to work with it (I had problems catching on she asked if I was learning disabled) and I was the stupid one. She canned me and it took a year and a half to find a job I finally felt happy with. But you are never too sensitive. You have your boundaries, your employer can't make that for you. From personal experience I would not wait, find that new job and leave, the longer you stay she will try to find some reason to get rid of you. I got thrown under the bus. Don't wait until they do that to you.

Orangyred I totally feel your pain. I absolutely hate my job. I deal with plenty of manipulative people. Lots of nonsense and my anxiety is increasing. The workload keeps increasing as a result of others not doing their jobs and there’s nothing that can be done about it.

I totally get that you say it’s not the right answer to leave right now. That’s the boat I’m in. Sometimes all you can do is keep sticking it out. I keep trying to develop better coping skills but so far I do little more than ruffle feathers and cause myself more grief in the process.

I wish you lots of luck. I hope venting helps... and to know that you’re not alone in this.