I Dread Work... I Miss my Former Life

I'm so sorry that happened. At my last job, I was put on the spot like that. I was asked to come to a meeting for a project where I was supposedly only going to be involved in one small part. Instead, my boss instead introduced me to the client as one of the project leaders, something I had never agreed to! I started to have a panic attack in the meeting. Fortunately my husband called me right then and I used that as an excuse to step out of the room for a minute and calm down.

In my case, soon after that incident I quit, because that was the start of many panic attacks when dealing with my boss.

How approachable is your boss? Can you talk to him/her and ask in the future if he is going to introduce you to a new client of yours, that you'd like to be advised ahead of time? It seems like a reasonable request to me.

I think you should simply address it with your boss. Explain that he didn't communicate that it was your client or give you any prep time, and that puts you in a position to not be able to provide the best service possible. Ask him in the future to advise you when you will be meeting a new client so you can be prepared for them. Also ask him if there was a reason he did not communicate this with you? Maybe he doesn't even realize he did this.

Good point, seesaw, you should definitely stress to your boss that giving you advance notice will help you be prepared for the meeting.

Thanks. I was also thinking, Golden, you can learn here to take some leadership for yourself and when someone makes a request of you, like inviting you to a meeting, asking all these questions yourself. You said you rode with the CEO. Did you ask him whose client it was? What was being pitched? Any history they know about the client?

Whenever I ride to a business meeting with a boss we always strategies how we would manipulate the conversation and try to lead the client to certain decisions. And we would brief each other on what we knew so we both were clear on strategy. Maybe if you employ that strategy before future meetings you won't be caught of guard again. Just a thought.

Seesaw

I can totally relate to this.

I've had more jobs than I can count in the last 8 years - it's been one trainwreck after another, due in large part to the symptoms of Bipolar Disorder.

Being in the office is difficult. I'd been working office jobs for 18 years, then had a complete collapse in September 2016, was diagnosed w/ Bipolar I, and began ECT treatments. I thought a job would give me a sense of purpose. Instead, I sat at a desk all day, surfed the Web and watched everyone around me appear confident and knowledgeable in meetings. It was brutal.

So I took a semi-voluntary sabbatical, and looked for a job that would be low-stress and not trigger another manic episode. A friend of mine from business school tapped me to do product management (which I still don't know anything about) two months ago. It's a work from home job, but it's all based on projects that I can sell. I've had a handful of meetings, and nothing has come of them. I'm not knowledgeable about any of the topics, I appear very unconfident, and am trying to pitch a "solution in search of a problem."

My problem is work is a central component of my identity. It's totally gone down the tubes over the course of 8 years, and taken my sense of self worth along with it.

I actually think it's great that you like working from home. I, on the other hand, am unable to function regardless of whether I'm in an office or home.

Sorry for the rant. Bottom line is, I feel for you.

Thanks everyone!!

I didn’t think to ask whose client because my boss made it seem like I was just along for the ride. He prepped me by saying I can ask any questions that come up. I didn’t think to ask the ceo because it just didn’t occur to me. It was first real client meeting. My boss screwed up. I will definitely bring it up to him in our next meeting tomorrow. And next time I will know better!!

((golden_eye)), you are being much too self critical. It was really "ok" that you introduced yourself and just sat and listened. I honestly think that this is uncomfortable for you because of your history where you experienced relationships where you played the caregiver role and codependent. You don't have to be that way, in fact, even though you felt uncomfortable about just "listening" and going along with your boss who asked you to sit in and I honestly believe that's really all he wanted. You are just not used to doing that because you were expected to "fix" an do more in your history. This feels "strange" to you and it makes you uncomfortable, but you really need to give yourself TIME to learn to be patient and engage in a healthier way. You are doing "better" than you allow yourself to "feel" and a lot of your stress is "anticipating" that you are going to fail and a lot of that is in your history that you need to "prove" to yourself that you can overcome.

You need to get your "father and your toxic ex and your toxic ex boss out of your head " and take charge now. You have a better relationship and a chance to have a job that you CAN fit into and get a better pay doing. Believe it or not golden, you actually have the ability to do this job and you have to be patient with yourself and stop putting your foot on the brake so much and let yourself DRIVE forward.

Golden eye :-)

Thanks! Although I think you are off here on this point about co-dependency, etc etc.

It really was just a matter of miscommunication -- also, my hesitation to speak has to do with my PTSD and a fear of public speaking. This has nothing to do with my ex boss, my toxic ex or my father, no offense! You're readin too into things on this one, though usually I agree with your insights.

Anyways, thanks so much -- you make some good points in the end about having the ability and being patient with myself --- I appreciate your support, as always!!

I wanted to revisit this thread today. Yes, work has gotten better than when I began this thread, thankfully, but I still dread work every day.

The work is pretty intense. I am working my butt off.

Today I have a client meeting, and I am very nervous. I am just now getting my feet wet with client meetings and calls. I have had three so far, they've gone OK, not great, but I have a fourth today and I am anxious.

My PTSD comes up every time I have to speak in front of a group. The last time I had a client call, I could feel my nervousness and PTSD rear its ugly head. My voice shook as I spoke. It's horrible when this happens. I need to take an anti anxiety pill in order to calm myself and not shake.

I hope I can do this today. I think I have to carry a lot of the conversation. UGH. Guess I will just take my time, speak slowly and take my anti anxiety pill.

I may end up not being able to check responses before my meeting. It's hard to get on PC during working hours unless I am at lunch, but today I may work through my lunch hour so I can prep for this meeting.

Yes, knock 'em dead kiddo. You're doing amazingly well.

Aww, thank you!!!