I Dread Work... I Miss my Former Life

Thank you all!

My dad used to tell me that when we’re overwhelmed we need to build on the small successes. This was a small success.

I realized today that the abuse I’ve endured in many jobs has impacted me. My abusive supervisors have been females with lower intelligence who felt threatened by my intelligence and my level of competency. I offered ideas, solutions and improved strategies that all were knocked down by my second to last boss, and others. Now I am gun shy and uncertain of myself, partially as a result. I have to learn to be confident again and to know that I in fact am very smart. That’s my biggest asset. It’s one primary asset that’s allowed me to be successful.. that and working very hard at it. I am not being egotistical. I feel I fail in many areas that are not my strong suit. We all have strengths and weaknesses. I don’t understand technical, but I’m great at writing, editing and overall strategy. So yeah, I’ve been abused a lot and it’s impacted my self esteem.

But in this company, I get the sense they want to support me and nurture me. I’ve rarely had that in a work environment. It’s nice.

Hi Eve, I’m happy for you that your work wants to support you. Far too many work environments don’t seem to.. and for us “sensitives” - meaning me - that isn’t ideal.

I just posted an intro. It hardly says anything (as you might expect )

Hugs are most welcome in my thread, but if not at least I’ve said something

Thank u! I gave you a hug on your thread. You have great insights.

It's going to be a great week a head of you, Golden. Five more chances to shine!

Aww, thanks for the encouragement! I know this sounds pessimistic, but I just know I will be back on my thread worrying and fretting over being successful or not. Argh. I know myself too well.

Yep... and here I am... back again. I woke up with the most negative attitude, which is not typically like me. Every Monday I feel like this lately. I hate Mondays, and I hate the start of a long work week. I do dread it. It's just so freaking hard for me. So much stress. I wish I could de-stress myself, but I don't know how. ARGH!

Try to just be cognizant that it's a Monday. So the stress, anxiety, etc., is what we all feel going back to work after not having to deal with work BS for 2 days and having to pick back up the work burden again.

You've got to find a way to find some positivity in your work, otherwise you're going to crack.

Maybe you can start a fun Monday tradition for after work or something so you can look forward to Mondays a little more?

Yes... true enough!

I suppose one positive is that everyone is very nice and very helpful... so there's that.

I get so tired after work that I barely want to do anything, but maybe we'll go out for a nice dinner treat tonight.

That's a great idea, Seesaw, thanks.

I do very much look forward to Fridays! LOL.

I have a group thing every other Monday, so every other Monday, I look forward to so I can go do my group thing. I'm just saying it's nice to have something other than work to look forward to on a Monday.

Yeah, that's really a great point. Hmmm.... maybe I should take a pilates class on Mondays after work. I need exercise!

Ok, I'm totally freaking out again. I am now going through Advanced Google Analytics training, and I don't understand it! We are required to become certified in my job, and I don't even understand the material! I've had to rewind and rewind the videos again and again in order to even remotely absorb what they're saying. And even then, I don't understand it.

How do I approach my boss with the fact that I don't understand the advanced level course so far? I may need to review the beginner level again, but the beginner doesn't exactly lay the groundwork for the advanced level.

I am miserable. This is sheer misery for me to study and learn G. Analytics. It's nearly impossible for me to grasp, it's highly technical, and it's not my forte. I am in the wrong position, the wrong field, the wrong everything. I want to curl up in a ball, cry and disappear. I don't want to face work today at all. I am really having trouble.

The one saving grace is that my boyfriend asked if there's a study guide available to help... something that explains analytics in layman's terms, and there is, thankfully. Freaking Google does not explain things in layman's terms. They assume you get it...... I hate Google sometimes.

So far this week is off to a very bad start, and I am in the most foul of moods.

Hi golden_eve. I don't really know anything about g.analytics but I noticed there's what looks like a pretty good video tutorial on YouTube, here, which could be helpful. It has nearly 3,000 thumbs ups and only 115 thumbs downs at present, which is a good indicator. So, obviously you're not alone in needing to know more about it. All the best golden_eve, you're a real inspo. Sending out those positive vibes to you!

Thank you so much, Mote! I really appreciate you looking that up!!!! And thanks for the positive vibes! I need em!!!

Everyone has weaker subject areas in their chosen career. You *can* learn it. Spend time with it whenever you can. I am sure they don't expect you to know everything there is to know. Could you get a mentor in the area of Google Analytics?

Very true. Problem is, I need to know and understand far too much in my field... like many fields, I am sure. There's just so much to learn and know, it's overwhelming. I don't think (or I don't know) if I can get a mentor in Google analytics. I could ask someone internally, possibly, a colleague who is the manager of analytics -- or maybe they would be too busy to mentor me once a week, I don't know. I am afraid to ask.

Ok. I am fully heading into a depression.... and fast.

I was fine in my last job. I was editing and optimizing web pages to get them to rank. I was doing what I am good at and prefer to do, which is really just a portion of what my whole field is.

WHY did I leave my position? The ONLY reason why I left, or the main reason, is because I needed more money. OK, so that's a valid reason. If I even took one day off in my last job (a part time contract role), I lost a lot of much needed funds to live. Granted, I could have acquired a second part time job to supplement my income and "make it".

I am kicking myself.

I am reading stupid Google analytics guides, and yes, I DO need to know analytics in my field. Many companies require certification, which is what my current company is requiring. But heck, there is such a role out there for just editorial work in my field. Ok, but it doesn't pay enough, or it doesn't pay what I really need, but it exists, and that's what I would rather do.

I am venting and just thinking out loud, but my boyfriend won't let me obsess over or bemoan my mistake. He gets frustrated. His pov is that what's done is done and I cannot go back. And in a way, he's right....

But now I am becoming depressed. I feel stuck in this job. I am forced to do things I have no desire to do. Little did I know. And I am forced to learn beyond challenging things that are making me very, verydepressed.

I left work early today and came home sick. Yes, I was actually not feeling good (a cold coming on), but also, I was depressed.

I am at a loss. I feel like going to HR soon and telling her I am in the wrong role. In this company, they have told me they move ppl around into a more suitable position IF they find themselves in an unsuitable position. But how long is appropriate to wait before I ask them? I haven't gained clients yet... & it's been only four weeks. I just don't know, but I am dying to be honest with HR about how I'm really feeling.

Literally, DYING. And honestly? I don't trust my boyfriend's opinions about my work and what I should do because he works in an entirely different kind of work environment.

Anyways, dammit.... I am going downhill very fast and need help.

Can you go into consulting on just the stuff you like?

I can't. I can't take that risk financially. Too much at stake with rent and bills.

Could you start consulting on the side, and build up clients so you can leave?

Golden in my field they call mentoring by the name of "supervision". You would meet with your "supervisor" usually once a week. It is usually someone who is not your direct supervisor. Perhaps you could find someone good at analytics.

Hmm.. I don’t know?

yes that may be possible... thank u for the suggestion!