I Dread Work... I Miss my Former Life

Does your company offer an employee assistance program? Some companies offer a program where you can call a therapist and talk about problems you are having at work. Maybe it would help to have someone to bounce ideas off.

Thanks. I don’t want to ask HR about that. It will alert them. I have a therapist that I see every other week.

I saw my therapist last night. She said I am catastrophizing, and I am. I cannot stop myself though. Once my anxiety kicks into overdrive, I start catastrophizing.

I have to face this Google Analytics advanced course and get through it by Friday so that we, as a group, can take the quizzes together. I am imagining that I will not be able to answer the questions correctly, when it comes to my turn to say them out loud. However, I do not feel this is off-based...... in fact, I know I will get them wrong right off the bat because I don't understand the material. So in this instance, I don't feel I am catastrophizing, and I think I am simply being real with myself.

I suppose what is off-based is me getting fired. There has been no indication of this, but this is what I fear right now. I am leaping ahead to conclusions based on my fears and anxieties. I am also imagining failing, when I haven't failed so far.

That being said, my anxiety is through the roof again this morning. I suppose I will have to take an Ativan, yet again.

This is beyond uncomfortable for me. I feel I do not belong there. I wish to all hell that I had never left my part time job.

Breathe Golden, others are going to make mistakes too. This at worst may be you hitching up with someone for supervision around this information. They didnt hire you or any other of their employees because they thought you were perfect. Learn what you can, listen and ask questions. Take the ativan at work if you think it will help you to remain calm and therefore think clearer.

(((((Golden Eve)))))

TY!

Thanks for the hugs!

I'm a broken record at this point. Everyone has been so helpful with great advice and encouragement, but unfortunately, I still feel the same way and it's not changing. I am stuck, and I am regretful. I am not thinking positive things.... I hate going to work each day. It's a huge challenge.

I even wrote an email to my most recent boss, asking him for any successes he knows of that I can call out for my resume. I also mentioned that I missed working there. I haven't heard back from him, which is depressing me even more.

I just wish I could go back in time. I could have made it work with my part time job and unemployment benefits.

More money is no reason to take a new job. I didn't even think about it when I was offered the job -- I was just so happy that someone wanted me for a full time role, after being rejected over and over for two years. I said yes, without even thinking it through. Look before you leap!!!

Sorry, dear Eve.

Big hugs.

I know that people have been giving you the good and sensible advice to stick it out. But it's not worth getting ill over.

It seems like your NOT sticking it out options would be:

1. Keep your struggles to yourself, and look for other work.

2. Speak to your employer, and see if they can help you to stay.

Hi Purple. Thank you!

I think I am going to have a more candid conversation with my boss today. I have my weekly meeting with him, so I will express some (not all) of my concerns. I don't think I will tell him anything along the lines of "I don't think I belong here".... lol. I will let him know some of the challenges I face..... I gotta think about it, but I want to be more upfront. Perhaps that will help.

And thank you very much for the hugs.. I need 'em!

Maybe there is a different job you can do in your department, like you said. Also, maybe it's time to talk to HR and tell them your concerns and upset over this. Maybe you could find something more fitting for you, in time (out of the company). ((((((((((Eve)))))))))) Big hugs to you.

Good advice!

TY!

Yes, perhaps there will be down the road.... within the company that is.

Speaking of talking to HR, I broke down crying in front of my boss today. I totally cracked. The Director above me challenged me on something, and that was the straw the broke the camel's back. I am so humiliated and embarrassed, but he handled it like a true chanp -- he could not have been any more supportive, so for that, I am forever grateful!

(((((Eve))))) I think that's OK. You've been so stressed. Did you tell him at all how you've been feeling? It sounds like you have a nice boss.

Thank you...... yeah, I did kind of leak out how I've been feeling. He told me they won't let me fail. He could not have been more supportive. He was awesome.

I am teary eyed again this morning.... this time over how amazing my boss was when I broke down and cried yesterday.

I have been so mistreated in recent years by my supervisors that this comes as a total surprise and turn of luck. It's one positive I can hold onto this morning.... I have a great supervisor who says he won't let me fail.

I feel very vulnerable and frail for having broken down like that. I suppose it was bound to happen. I've been holding SO much inside.... SO much stress and angst.

But really, they're being easy on me. It's all ME putting all this pressure on myself.

I cannot change that because I cannot change who or how I am. I can only try to change my thoughts about work. So today I have a positive thought about it, and that is that my boss was pretty darned awesome towards me. I still cannot believe it. I almost want to hug him!

Happy to hear you have such a great boss. Hope today is going well. Believe in you, Golden because your boss believes in you, too! Enjoy the weekend and try to feel good about the new experiences next week will hold.

Thank you! I truly appreciate your supportive and kind words.

Today was not so great (again), and I feel like a total waste of space there. BUT it's Friday and I am going out of town for the weekend so I will try to put this all on the back burner til Sunday.

Have a lovely weekend!

TY Purple!!

So on Friday, my Director above me (who does not supervise me) gave me a couple projects to do. They involved reviewing and adding to or editing a junior team member's work.

Well, the Director questioned me as to why I did something the way I did. We got into a discussion, or rather, a back and forth argument of sorts over the details involved. He was challenging me on my knowledge and on my decision.

So on the second project, I cowered and didn't make hardly any edits or changes to the junior member's work.

I realized later that I had submitted new strategies for one of the Director's clients while he was out on vacation. He may feel a bit threatened by that? Our boss loved my strategies....

Thing is, I have a different approach than my Director does and we seriously differ. And when he questioned me on my decision making, I came home and researched it further and realized that I had been right.

So now I am wondering if I have a Director who is going to give me a hard time? I had popped into his office later on Friday with a possible answer to a separate issue we were trying to solve and he asked me "well what do you know about that"? Basically, what is my knowledge of it.

I don't know. Just seems he's giving me a bit of a hard time. Perhaps it's because I have a different approach than he does?

I think it's good you recognize you both have different approaches. I don't really have any advice though atm. Hugs.

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Thank u!