[cinnamonsun]

I'm probably overthinking this but...I'm stuck right now with what I want to do.

My college degree is useless. I don't have a driver's license so a lot of jobs I want to do are not an option. I want to get my license, I just have such severe anxiety that I've never been able to pass the driving test.

I worked in retail for years. I worked in jobs for years for the purpose of survival, and now? I'm tired. I'm tired of working jobs just to have money, jobs that typically make me miserable that I absolutely hate. I'd love to be able to do something I enjoy, or that feels fulfilling. I want a job that makes a difference.

I considered going back to school but I'm 35 now and can't remember how to write papers or do student stuff. Besides that, I struggle to get loans, don't want more student loan debt, and can't afford it.

I have an autoimmune disease. If a job is too much physical labor, I can't perform it. The last full-time job I tried with physical labor got to a point where it made me sick for a week, I could barely get out of bed or walk, had a fever over 100, because it caused a flare-up with my disease. I had no choice but to quit. I go through months of chronic fatigue, chronic headaches, and body pains that come and go.

I don't know what to do with myself. These agencies are like, "What kind of work are you looking for?" And my honest answer is, "I don't know." I don't know where to even begin. I can't seem to do what I want, and I don't want to do what I hate. When I do these find your calling/purpose or what profession would you do best in tests they indicate writing, teaching, acting, fashion design, the arts, things like that but like...I feel like I can't go back to school. So I'm still unemployed, trying to figure it out. I wish more opportunities would come my way. How do you begin to figure this all out?

[cinnamonsun]

I sighed and gave in and applied to a bunch of cashier and retail positions seeing as I'm incapable of doing anything beyond that. It is what it is. I hate cashiering but people tell me I'm amazing at it and have wonderful customer service skills. I'm disabled, I don't think I'll be doing much else with my life. It's one of those things I have to accept. Dreams are for the young and those in good health, physically and mentally.

It's hard to accept your life for what it is when you've always dreamed of being so much more. But I've learned dreams don't usually come true. I have an above average IQ and am talented and all I can do is be a cashier and do customer service. I guess that's life though. Some are lucky and some of us just aren't.

[sarahsweets]

Hi there! have you ever applied for disability? You can still work part time and receive it.

Originally Posted by cinnamonsun

I'm probably overthinking this but...I'm stuck right now with what I want to do.

My college degree is useless. I don't have a driver's license so a lot of jobs I want to do are not an option. I want to get my license, I just have such severe anxiety that I've never been able to pass the driving test.

I worked in retail for years. I worked in jobs for years for the purpose of survival, and now? I'm tired. I'm tired of working jobs just to have money, jobs that typically make me miserable that I absolutely hate. I'd love to be able to do something I enjoy, or that feels fulfilling. I want a job that makes a difference.

I considered going back to school but I'm 35 now and can't remember how to write papers or do student stuff. Besides that, I struggle to get loans, don't want more student loan debt, and can't afford it.

I have an autoimmune disease. If a job is too much physical labor, I can't perform it. The last full-time job I tried with physical labor got to a point where it made me sick for a week, I could barely get out of bed or walk, had a fever over 100, because it caused a flare-up with my disease. I had no choice but to quit. I go through months of chronic fatigue, chronic headaches, and body pains that come and go.

I don't know what to do with myself. These agencies are like, "What kind of work are you looking for?" And my honest answer is, "I don't know." I don't know where to even begin. I can't seem to do what I want, and I don't want to do what I hate. When I do these find your calling/purpose or what profession would you do best in tests they indicate writing, teaching, acting, fashion design, the arts, things like that but like...I feel like I can't go back to school. So I'm still unemployed, trying to figure it out. I wish more opportunities would come my way. How do you begin to figure this all out?

[cinnamonsun]

Originally Posted by sarahsweets

Hi there! have you ever applied for disability? You can still work part time and receive it.

I actually collect SSI. I can't seem to get full disability, every time they decide to process me for it they deny me. I'm grateful for my SSI though because right now it's my only income.

[sarahsweets]

Originally Posted by cinnamonsun

I actually collect SSI. I can't seem to get full disability, every time they decide to process me for it they deny me. I'm grateful for my SSI though because right now it's my only income.

Keep appealing! I never ever recommend lawyers for ssdi applications because they take 1/3 of your retro award but in your case its worth looking into. I dont know if you are in upstate NY or like NYC but I can share some resources if you want.

[cinnamonsun]

Originally Posted by sarahsweets

Keep appealing! I never ever recommend lawyers for ssdi applications because they take 1/3 of your retro award but in your case its worth looking into. I dont know if you are in upstate NY or like NYC but I can share some resources if you want.

I considered it. I used to know someone else who had to get a lawyer to get SSD. Their settlement was only $600 though and that's less than my SSI when I am not working. So if I'll be getting less money then I'm not interested.

People can't believe me most of the time. There was a point during my disease where I could barely walk. And people were like, "Why don't you ask for SSD?" And I don't know how to explain this. But. I was raised with a strong work ethic because of my ethnicity. And to be incapable of working is very...embarrassing and emotionally painful for me. Even if it's a struggle I want to work because that's part of my values and morals. I refused to get a wheelchair so I could keep my job, my boss said the store couldn't accommodate a wheelchair. People thought I was crazy, but they don't understand how important work and a career are to me and my parents.

Despite being disabled, my parents expect and want me to work full time because that's what responsible adults do. They don't brag about me. They brag about my accomplished brother and sister, but I am something shameful because, at my age, I don't have a successful career or job. I remember when I was sick that week and quit that full-time job, my mom's only comment was, "But you DON'T even have a retirement fund." I was so sick I could hardly walk and move. This is all they care about. If I don't work they tell me I'm a burden on my family.

Work is very important to me. I still try to work full time. It's very hard on me. They don't understand what I am doing and trying my best with what Fate has given me. This imperfect body and mind with limitations. I am trying. I can't help that I am like this.

[bpforever1]

To CinnamonSun,

You can learn to code for free by using the Odin project and free coding boot camp. Here is the link:Coding Bootcamps - freeCodeCamp.org

I was going to do this but am rather old, and no company will hire me at my age, but you are young still.

You should try these programs and see how you do. I think coding is still a marketable skill. I would look into it.

Also, you can freelance on fiver and Upwork as a writer. But, there are maybe too many competitors, and you probably won't make that much. Finally, you can work as an editor for post-translation work. You can look at the Translators Cafe's website and seek jobs there for free. Here is the website:TranslatorsCafe.com — a Place for Translators, Interpreters, Voice Talents, Other Language Professionals and Their Clients.
There are jobs here that require only good editing skills in English. I would not give up so easily and keep marketing yourself on LinkedIn as an editor and proofreader. I sometimes receive messages for such requests and also for translation.

Best wishes!

[cinnamonsun]

Originally Posted by bpforever1

To CinnamonSun,

You can learn to code for free by using the Odin project and free coding boot camp. Here is the link:Coding Bootcamps - freeCodeCamp.org

I was going to do this but am rather old, and no company will hire me at my age, but you are young still.

You should try these programs and see how you do. I think coding is still a marketable skill. I would look into it.

Also, you can freelance on fiver and Upwork as a writer. But, there are maybe too many competitors, and you probably won't make that much. Finally, you can work as an editor for post-translation work. You can look at the Translators Cafe's website and seek jobs there for free. Here is the website:TranslatorsCafe.com — a Place for Translators, Interpreters, Voice Talents, Other Language Professionals and Their Clients.
There are jobs here that require only good editing skills in English. I would not give up so easily and keep marketing yourself on LinkedIn as an editor and proofreader. I sometimes receive messages for such requests and also for translation.

Best wishes!

I appreciate it, I'm just not that interested in editing and proofreading. I have some type of dyslexia as it is, I don't think I'd do well at this. My brain says it's one word and it's a different word. My mind switches things. How do I write then? I don't know. I have to re-read anything I type and write usually multiple times and I still miss things. I'd feel bad if I edited anyone's work knowing my brain is so dysfunctional. I was known among friends for typos and having my own typo language because my brain does weird things. I have Grammarly but it doesn't catch everything.

I think I'll be happy enough doing what I've been doing, writing as a hobby. Writing stories with other people. That's fun for me. It may not lead to publications or make much of an impact on the world but at least it makes me happy and I have fun. And at this point, I just want to be happy. I want to be happy before my life is over. That seems like a good goal to me.

[cinnamonsun]

I've been all gloom and my life sucks lately, but here's a positive!!!

I have an interview at a photography studio. Crossing my fingers, because it is a position as a photographer. And photography is one of my passions. I prefer nature photography but this would be a great experience for me. I'd love to go into this field professionally, and I'm like, please let this be a foot in the door. Part of my past art training was in photography.

[bpforever1]

Go for it!! And, don't look back!

[cinnamonsun]

I'm still doing that interview, but, my health is not doing well and I'm growing concerned I have developed another medical condition. I see my doctor tomorrow to see what direction to take in figuring out what's wrong.

Today I did one of my long walks. I've done this hundreds of times. Something happened with my heart. Lately, there are times or days where it beats faster than usual. I was winded. I almost didn't make it back home. At one point I sat on the side of the road and did 4 count breathing to bring my heart rate down. This is the kind of thing I experienced early on in Grave's disease when they put me on heart medication. I'm worried. I am having chronic pain again too. Feel weaker than usual.

So I may be looking at some kind of medical thing going on again. And it's a struggle to apply to places when I know what happened when my body is pushed too hard and a flare up happens. I think I can only work part-time unless it's a desk job.

The photography job is seasonal, I think it will be a doable position, I don't think it starts until some time in November or December. If I get it. I wish I knew what's going on with my body...

[cinnamonsun]

Just wanted to post a positive update here. Because I was given a photographer position. It's only seasonal, however, they tend to rehire for every holiday and it's a foot in the door in this field. I am amazed that this even happened. Like literally. I am amazed. I didn't know if it was possible for me to do something I love and get paid for it, but it's actually happening. I guess someone up above got tired of my crying and whining. lol But I am so thankful.

I get to call myself a professional photographer now!!!

[divine1966]

Wonderful news

[bpforever1]

It's good to hear you got the job!! Congratulations!

Congratulations that's great!

[cinnamonsun]

I was speaking to my therapist about some of the directions I could possibly take. I could potentially work for a newspaper, magazine, have my own studio, work for a website. There are some different options. She encouraged me to venture to a city. She knows what happened this year with moving to CO and I expressed no desire to move any time soon, moving twice this year was enough for me for a while. But perhaps down the road, we'll see. I realized I also might be able to freelance doing graphic art as well. I have a lot of complaints about that last hobby, but because of that hobby I taught myself how to do graphic art and I've been told I'm at a professional level with it. I might design book covers or who knows. I need to explore that one a bit more.

I'm a lot more optimistic and excited about life now!

[cinnamonsun]

I'm trying to be in the same place of excitement as I was, but I'm depressed. I'm doing the onboarding slowly...I just don't feel motivated anymore. I'm debating on quitting and letting this position go. I can't seem to get my mind or heart into it.

[Jonahsam89]

If you feel that you are getting stuck at what you do it may be the best time to reconsider. Ask yourself what you really want and go with your intentions.