Very informative, please read.

A lot of children who grow up in homes where the parent(s) use drugs and/or drink alcohol become a certain type of child and grow up to still have some of those, if not all, charactistics. This is a chart, and I'd like feedback on it. I received it from my sponser, and I am now sharing with you all. Let me know what you think...

The "Scapegoat" Child:
Description:
Angry, Irresponsible, Relies on Peers, Uses Substances, Low Achiever, Seeks attention (usually in a negative manner).

What a "scapegoat" might say:
I don't need anyne.
I won't feel anything.
You can't hurt me.
I don't care.
I rebel against authority.
Maybe if I get into enough trouble, I can gain some control.
I will never belong.
I only trust my friends.
I feel comfortable around people who use drugs/alcohol.

Visible Qualities: Hostility, Defiance, Anger
Inner Feelings: Hurt, Guilt, Inferior
Focus: Remove blame from alcohol/drugs, put it on others.
Characteristics: Negative attention, Trouble Maker.

Without Help, unplanned pregnacy is more likely, will cause more trouble in school or work area, and more likely to end up in prison. WITH help, they are able to accept responsibility, could become a good councelor, and have ability to accept reality.

The "Mascot" Child
Description:
Cute, funny, does anything for attention, poor concentration, hyperactive, charming, manipulative, dishonest, uses anger inappropriately.

What a "Mascot" might say:
When people laugh, I feel liked.
I will be as charming as I can.
If I laugh, I won't feel the pain.
Don't be angry at me.
I can gain control by being funny.
I can't stop moving, it hurts too much.

Visible Quaities: Fragile, Immature, Needs protection
Inner Feelings: Fear, Depressed, Alone
Represents to Family: Fun and Humor.
Characteristics: Hyperactive, learing disabilities, short attention span

Without help, this person can get ulsers easier and can't handle stress. They are compulsive and described as the class clown. They usually marry a "Hero" child for care. WITH help, they can take care of themself. No longer are they the class clown but are fun to be with and has a good sense of humor.

The "Lost Child":
Description:
Shy, Lost, Loner, Often under/overweight, Aloof, Finds comfort in fantasy and privacy, treasures things and pets, Secretive, doesn't get close to others easily, Often ill and misses school and/or work.

What a "lost child" might say:
I am unseen.
I don't count.
I can only depend on me.
I feel I don't exist.
I won't be involved with others.
I dislike being seen or heard.
I get sick to gain attention and comfort.
When I make a pretend world, I feel safe.
All I can control is me.
I feel less than anybody.

Visible Qualities: Withdrawn, Loner
Inner Feelings: Lonlieness, unimportant, worthless
Represents to Family: One child less to worry about.
Characteristics: Invisible, Follower, Indecisive

Without help, the lost child can end up with little zest for life and have sexual identity problems. They can become promiscuous or stay alone. Often times lost children die early from suicide or drug overdose. WITH help, they can become independant, are talented, creative, and imaginative.

The "Hero" Child
Description:
Capable, Good natured, Successful, Considerate, High Achiever, Adultified, Secretive, caretaker, Intellectul.

What a "Hero" might say:
I will not feel.
I will watch others feelings.
I will not upset anyone.
I can't make mistakes.
I'm responsible for everything.
It's my fault.
I have no needs.
I won't ask for help.
I must be the best at everything.
I want to please others.
I want approval.
I FEEL LIKE A FAKE!

Visible Qualities: Visible Success, Looks good, does what's right all the time.
Inner feelings: Inadequate, vulnerable, insecure.
Represents to Family: self-worth, family can be proud.
Characteristics: High Achiever, Grades, Sports, Friends, Popularity

Without help, Heros can become workaholics who feel they are never wrong. They feel they are responsible for everything and is dependant on self only. WITH help, heros can accept failure, realize they are not responsible for everyone else, and are often good executors.

I'm the Lost Child, by the way... I still have many characteristics of the lost child, but am getting better at fighting the negative and trying to put it into my artistic side which is poetry.

Hi BamaSurvivor,

I'm a "lost child" too. Out of all the traits only one doesn't apply to me. The one that states "gets sick to gain attention and comfort"-- I try not to disclose when I"m sick and feel very uncomfortable with the attention. I had diabetes when I was pregnant and tried very hard to hide it-- I feel being ill in any way is a flaw-- but just for me. I'm not like that at all towards others.

Thanks for sharing this--- it's interesting.

Mandy

Thank you for responding! The only one that didn't apply to me was the, "The only person I can control is me"... I often times feel I can't even do that.

After reading it several times I think I can say that I am the Lost Child. There are a couple of things that apply to me from everyone, but this one just "hit the nail on the head". There is only a couople of things that don't apply to me. When I was a child and even now I have attempted suicide, I got married then left the marrage because I wanted to stay promiscuous. I dated only one person after I left my ex and that was almost 3 years ago. I still feel that there are still many of those qualities that I posess today.

I think I was a little of all three. Reading the post made me feel very sad. Brings me back to how incredibly lonley I was as a child.

I'm sorry it made you sad, jmo... I didn't intend for the post to do that. Just found it interesting. We talked about it at our IOP meeting and it brought back a lot of memories for me and made me realize a lot of things, so I thought it'd be interesting to post here as well and see the response.

Kathie, I know what you mean. I could relate to a little of all of them, but most of the times I related to aside from the lost child were associated with being alone as well. I was alone and still am alone in most aspects of my life, but was always very promiscuous. Thankfully, I'm not that way anymore... Now I am just a loner completely.

I also had characteristics of all three, but if it was just one I'd most match the "Scapegoat". I relate with most except "only trusts friends" and I don't trust much of anyone..Thanks for posting this..pretty neat..

Kayleigh

Glad you found interest in it, Kayleigh! Yeah, I don't think any of us match them to an exact T. Probably always off by one or two, but we know which we relate to more.

I guess I mostly fit the scapegoat, You can’t hurt me.
Funny the things we believe.
All of us come from families that aren’t perfect.
Remember, our parents were raised by imperfect people as well.
The fact that we come into this world in the less than ideal surroundings is something we just have to live with.
That is where I like to focus my energies. Living with the life I have, not the one I might have dreamed of.
The things that happened to me, I can’t do anything to change any of them. But I don’t have to relive each and every injury I ever suffered if I can remember that my parents, the clowns I went to school with, my brother and sisters are just like me. Not perfect people.
It’s good to understand the things that make up our childhood, but I need to take responsibility for my part in that outcome. I played a very big part in it all.
And I need to forgive the wrongs done me to the best of my ability, or it poisons my life.
To do less is to squander way too many hours in resentments.
Resentments… Taking poison and hoping the other guy dies, it’s just nuts.

On the road to the good stuff,
Richard S.

p.s.
Bama, I don’t know what’s up with that link I sent you, went there myself and they want money from me to keep posting. Maybe a change of management, don’t know, at any rate, stay strong.

Very true... I'm on the road to forgiveness right now. Not forgetness, just forgiveness. I don't think I can ever forget all that's happened to me or happened in my life that caused negative outcomes. But I am trying to forgive those who hurt me and trying to forgive myself for hurting me so I can move forward and take responsibility from here on out for me.

Yes, it wanted money from me as well after a certain time and even before that free limit is up, I still can't post. Looks like it would have been a nice site anyway. Thanks for trying to help. (((shadow)))

I have this idea about forgiveness…
It is mostly futile to just say “I forgive you” to someone. I do that, and about an hour later, whatever hurt that person did to me just comes back to mind, the hurt just ain’t gone.
When I am hurt, the part of me that gets hurt is my ego, I don’t get my way.
It’s all about self.

If I work on not having a “way”, the things people do to me can’t get in my “way”.
And if I keep my ego small, it being the only thing that suffered the hurt in the first place, I will forget the injury not forgive it. The hurt will just go away.
Without my ego screaming at me hour on end about all it has suffered, my life gets so much easier to live.

On the road to the good stuff,
Richard

p.s.
on that site, you need to log in, give your name, e mail address, etc. then you can post for 60 days free. I’m going to go ahead and throw $12 at it and keep up my membership. Hope to see you there.

Hmmm, good point Richard. We all know us recovering addicts have an ego that's way out there. I gotta learn to put it aside sometimes.