[paddym22]

I wish I could go out clubbing and dance all night long to the impulsive addictive beat of house music. I wish I could have my old life back. Sobriety is one tough cookie, it just has to be worth it, sometime soon.

I wish I didnt feel like this. Alone, isolated, no one to turn to as everybody I seem to know can still go out and have a 'good' time. I wish people in NA wouldnt patronise me and I wish those members that swapped their addiction of choice to being addicted to NA would wake up and see it.

I wish I wasnt so bitter.

I wish I didnt feel sorry for myself.

I wish I never took that first E, that first line of coke, oh how I wish I never tasted the forbidden fruit.

[Michah]

Oh hon, I know what you mean about the "first time".......it leaves the indelible picture of freedom, and I pine for it occassionally too.......well, it does for me.

Maybe it is not the drugs you crave, but what they represented.......euphoria, lack of stress, disinhibited, mental clarity, social ease and so on.....

If only these things were so easily attained in real, sober life in the therapeutic setting.

Whenever I think of the past, and know that people are out there, dancing around and living the life of the free, I think "I want those things, without the terrible consequences"........as I know you do too.

You brave, brave man......keep going, stay away from temptation, and know that you are dearly loved. This terrible isolated feeling will pass.....it always does. Be safe

Michah

[paddym22]

Yup Michah, you hit the nail on the head as usual my friend.

Hugs to you