[Raynaadi]

I got my apartment all nice and clean. So why don't I want to stay here? I want to stay here, but I don't. I don't want to go out, but I do. Out to a meeting anyway. Don't want to drink, but been thinking about drinking. Not thinking about it like I'm thinking about doing it, just been on my mind. Was gonna go to an online meeting and just stay in, but thinking better of it now. I know I need to get to a meeting. No one has called me all day. I called my friend but she's with her boyfriend so I know she's too busy. Dug out my old journals....probably shouldn't have done that. I thought it would be fun to look back at the old miserable me, but only found out that the old miserable me is still inside me, I just put her to sleep. Feel like crying but can't, and don't know why I feel like crying. Need to read my bigbook or write. No motivation. Been off for 3 days now. Is that it? Been with myself too long maybe? Not feeling bad, not feeling good, just feeling blah.

[Raynaadi]

Called a friend, meeting for coffee. I'll be ok. Phew. =)

[BamaSurvivor]

Rayna wrote: "only found out that the old miserable me is still inside me, I just put her to sleep."

That old us is always with us, in my opinion. It only takes a drink or a drug to bring the old us back out to play. That's why we must stay focused on what's most important to us, our recovery. I'm so glad you found a friend and y'all are meeting for coffee. That should really help. Just remember, we didn't become addicts overnight, and we aren't going to be all better over night, so easy does it.

(((((Rayna)))))

[Raynaadi]

(((((bama)))))

Thank you....that's what I need to remember, progress, not perfection.

[BamaSurvivor]

Yep, that's true... But we're all only human and we sometimes get ahead of ourselves and as addicts, we aren't very patient. We want what we want and we want it right then. lol So often times we reach for perfection but we really should be focusing on progress.

[Raynaadi]

I'm just really glad I'm meeting with my sponser today.

[Allan]

Bama, I like your saying, I changed my drinking problem for a thinking problem, best problem I ever had. That makes SOOOOOOOOOOOO much sense to me and I know it should to others also. Our minds are our worst enemy. It takes time to get the thinking right again and I know I even still have a hard time with it. I still will till the day I die because i am just one drink, one use away from being back in the old me, worthless me.

Allan

[BamaSurvivor]

So true, Allan... Definitely understand what you mean there.