[splitimage]

I really feel like I can't win some days. I'm doing my best to stay sober and my recovery involves 2 streams - AA and aftercare at the hospital where I did rehab. I also see my addictions Dr. there every couple of weeks.

You've read my vents before about my frustrations with people in AA who disagree with the medical treatment I get for mental health and addiction.

Well today I'm frustrated with my medical Dr. She's generally supportive of AA although she definitely doesn't push it. But today I told her I'd been talking about starting a 4th step with my sponsor's help.

Ooops, big no-no. She doesn't agree with the 4'th step, think's it's outdated and overly negative. Her opinion, I've been through enough dark moments in therapy why open the door to more negativity. She strongly advised against doing it.

The thing is I feel like I've been carrying around a lot of old stuff & resentments for a very long time, that I would really like to get rid of, and I think doing a 4th could help me do that. I'm also in a really good place emotionally and think that looking at my character defects could be a good idea, and help me move forward. My sponsor agrees. I jsut sort of feel it's time.

So I'm probably going to start working on it this coming weekend.

I just wish that my different recovery streams weren't so opposed to each other - makes me feel like I'm picking and choosing & having to navigate really rocky waters.

--splitimage

[Leed]

Well, I can tell you from experience that doing my 4th step was the most FREEIING experience of my life!! After I did my first 4th step, I felt like I'd gotten rid of the world off my shoulders! Like you, I'd carried around alot of "stuff" for years and years ~ and I finally got rid of it!! Never again did I have to worry about that. I was finally FREE!! Your doctor advises against it because he/she doesn't understand it. Go ahead and do it - it will do you a world of good! You won't believe how wonderful you'll feel afterwards.

I now understand myself better too - I've come to "know' myself better. They knew what they were doing when they wrote the steps. Best of luck and God bless. Hugs, Lee

[madisgram]

oh (((((split)))))) you have gotten a lot of different viewpoints from significant ppl in your life. i'm am so sorry.
one thing i do strongly suggest to ppl i sponsor is to do a page with 2 columns..one side is "assets" about self and the other, "liabilities" about self. it's an old school way that i really think helps the 4th stepper keep in full view the good things they acknowledge about themselves while doing a thorough inventory of the other as well...liabilities-which does include resentments- but also other actions we did in our using/drinking history we are not proud of. that way the 4th stepper is not tearing themselves to shreds which can lead one to a drink but also to see in writing the good things about themselves that you want to keep. that keeps an objective outlook and perspective while doing the 4th.
so my opinion of your of your doc is not very high, just me. medical doctors are only required (!) to take a 3 hour course on addictions to obtain their M.D. clearly that's all your doc took! many docs take a more active interest in addictions and that is good. there are so many hurting ppl out there that need help.....the 12 step program has done for so many that until it was introduced ppl were given little hope to arrest this deadly disease. this is a tried and true method for those of us in recovery. i'm happy to hear you are not heeding that doc's advice. the 4 and 5th freed me from the bondage of my past!!!!!!!!! it will do that for you too. i'm sure of it.
please know that i am here for you at pc in case you feel squirrelly or just want to send a pm. take it slow. i usually suggest one do their writing while they are fresh in the day. that way it's done til the next day and you will rest well at night. but of course follow your own sponsor's suggestions.
i've "seen" you grow so much and i've admired your desire to get this done and i know you will. just sorry some who you seek for sound advice contradict the other. just keep your focus and don't give up...we can grow old in recovery together.
wish i could give you a big AA hug irl but a pc hug is good too!!!