[Raynaadi]

I'm not hungry now, but I'm angry lonely and tired. Pissed off, upset, depressed, lonely as all get out, neurotic, disappointed, exausted, bored, jittery, headachy, you name it. I didn't drink. But I wanted to. I hate change. Everythings changing. The only constant is change. I've hit the 5 month sobbing fit. I'm right where I'm supposed to be, that's what you're gonna tell me right? I went straight to 2 meetings after work and then out to eat and hung out with people from the meeting. My typical Friday night. The whole group was going to the coffee shop and I came home. Uncomfortable in my own skin. Sure they're just being nice to me because they're working their program, not because they like me. Feel like I'm the misfit in high school again. Praying for this crap to be removed. Thankful my Higher Power kept me sober today. Not leaving the house again, so should be safe. Had to spew all this emotional vomit. Thankful for these forums giving me the place to do so. Sad that ozzie left. Just more change. Grrrrrrrrr. Sob. Sorry.

~Rayna

i hear ya rayn

[Allan]

Rayna, I know how you are feeling. Life is full of change and we as people HATE change. There is allot of fear in change. We may not like where we are at now but we know what it is like and are use to it. But the unknown out there, we do not know what it will be like and what is waiting for us out there. Change is scarey for all of us but change is just another part of life. Why is it that you think they are just being nice to you because of the program? Maybe there are some underlying issues here that we cannot see that has triggered this all off. I know the word HALT. I am lonely now and that is bad enough. I have to look inside of myself and see why I am feeling the way I am. There is always a reason we have feelings. Maybe do some soul searching and see what it is that is underneath all of this and may be cause you some troubles. Yes, it is easy to say you are right where you should be, but I know what that feels like on the other end. It didnt make me feel any better though. I believe something else is bothering you and I am not sure what it is. You are the one who needs to seach yourself and find the answers. I really wish I had the right answer for you but this is the best I can come up with right now. My thoughts are with you.

Allan

[BamaSurvivor]

My old sponser told me something about HALT... When you start feeling Hungry, eat for the soul. When you start feeling Angry, call upon your Higher Power and He will calm you. When you start feeling Lonely, call your sponser. When you start feeling Tired, your Higher Power will give you strength.

Don't give up, sweetie. We're here for you. (((((((((( Rayna ))))))))))

[Raynaadi]

Thanks guys....I was too tired to post why I was upset. The girl I've been working with since February is being transfered. She works through an agency, and my company is bringing in a full time employee where I work, so she has to go. I trained her in phlebotomy for the most part, and she became like a little sister. She knows all about my recovery. We found out at 3pm on Friday, so we didn't have time to process and we just got really uspet. We're gonna miss working together so much. We'll keep in touch, but we won't have that every day interaction. So it's a big change for my daily life. There bringing in a guy. Don't know if I'll feel comfortable telling him about my recovery. I brought it up as a topic at the meeting and was quite upset, and got some really good stuff. One lady said, "When a door closes, a window opens." As it turns out, the girl who was my best friend in the program until she got a boyfriend, ended up talking to me after the meeting and asked if we can get together to talk. So we're gonna meet on Monday. I see my sponser tomorrow. So that's why I was so upset. As far as not feeling like I fit in with the young people on Fridays, it's just my low self esteem and ego talking. They don't know me very well yet, so I feel like they don't like me because I don't have the relationships with them yet that they have with each other. It was better last night though. I felt like I was opening up more. I just have to remember that I ONLY have 5 months of sobriety! I keep expecting too much, for being so young. I get confused easy and read too much into things. This guy asked me if I've checked out this 7:00 meeting on Saturdays and if I'd l ike to go. I can't, because I'm having dinner with my family. But I was thinking.....wow, he just asked me to go to a meeting with him! And then I think I'm crazy and reading too much into it. I get comfortable in my sobriety and think I have it all figured out. Days like yesterday are there to remind me that I don't know everything, to get back in the center of the roof. I am so greatful for reminders, so greatful that I didn't drink, so greatful that I can come here and vent this stuff, and get really good replies. Thank you for being a part of my sobriety. =)

~Rayna

[kimmydawn]

(((((((((((((((rayna)))))))))))))))))

i don't have the magical words full of wisdom. i do have hugs and massive respect.

kd

[Raynaadi]

Massive respect? Awwwwww! That feels really good to hear the people actually respect me. Thank you Kimmy. =)

~Rayna