[hayward]

I have a major problem with alcohol. Depression anxiety sadness and whatever else.
I feel the need for it. I feel the need to escape, to help me get out of my head.
I ruminate constantly- all day long I am stuck in my head and full of sadness and regret and pain. So at night, I drink some wine and get tired so I can sleep. I just get tired of feeling. I just feel way too much.
No binge drinking, no driving drunk, no lashing out at others. Drinking to numb, and unable to stop because I feel so out of control with everything else.
I think I am a smart person, but yet I know I am in denial of the circular problem here. I am just so stuck right now. I think that since I have been depressed etc..for over 30 years ("treatment resistant"), I convince myself that even if I did stop drinking, it wouldn't change everything else, so why not take consolation/escape where I can get it.

And it doesn't help that my husband drinks too much as well.

[Leed]

Hi Hayward -- I drank like that -- to be numb, to escape - and i did it for 20 years. I drank quite heavily too until I crossed that invisible line into alcoholism. I began to crave the stuff, it was all I could think about-- where was i going to get my next drink? What store was I going to buy it from? Where did I buy it yesterday? I can't go to the same one today!! I NEED the alcohol because I must escape and numb myself!

How awful to live like that. My husband had also crossed the line into alcoholism. Finally I'd hit bottom and didn't want to live like that anymore. i became sick and tired of being sick and tired. So i called AA -- and the man who answered put me in touch with a woman (since I'm a woman) and she met me at an AA meeting the next night. That was 7-29-93 and I've been sober ever since.

Drinking can kill you - and I was on my way to death. If I had kept drinking like I was, I would have died fairly soon. My liver wouldn't have taken much more. As it stands now, my liver is in great shape. I have seen TOO MANY fellow AA'ers buried in the past 17+ years -- and it could have been me. I didn't want to die a drunk.

If you do stop drinking, things DO change. You find that your life begins to be manageable. You find that GOOD things begin to happen. You find that depression lifts -- and if it doesn't you know it's not the booze doing it - so you go to the doctor and get on an antidepressant. I've been on one for years, as I've been clinically depressed for years. But you'll find many if not most of your problems will disappear.

Why not try AA -- go to a meeting and see what you think. Go to a couple of meetings. I swear to you that AA works. Also, you don't have to listen to the "God" talk. Just take what you like and leave the rest. But don't keep drinking -- it WILL kill you eventually - if not sooner. God bless. Hugs, Lee

[2009Dutch]

Thanks for this. This could almost be my story and it feels good to be here on PC.

[2009Dutch]

And of course I wanted to tell that I chose to attend AA, which was THE solution for me. I'm sober for almost 6 months now, and not feeling depressed, guilty, shameful and all those other things I felt. Never realised how depressing alcohol would be.
Please, find help. You will receive so much from sobriety.

[Gus1234U]

AA has some good skills, if you work the program, and find a good support group... there is also meditation, which might help you with the underlying problem of those racing thoughts. at any rate, just admitting to having a problem is a good thing to do ~! best wishes~ Gus

[Gus1234U]

here's an interesting post ,, i came across, thought it might be of interest to you,,, http://forums.psychcentral.com/showthread.php?t=168101

[2009Dutch]

Originally Posted by Gus1234U;1638742[I

]AA has some good skills, if you work the program, and find a good support group... there is also meditation, which might help you with the underlying problem of those racing thoughts. at any rate, just admitting to having a problem is a good thing to do ~[/I]! best wishes~ Gus

And admitting the problem, admitting we are powerless, is actually the first and (to me) most important step!

[hayward]

Thanks to all of you who have shared with me here, and for the link. I really appreciate it, a lot.