[madisgram]

when i was trying to get sober some years ago i kept finding me relapsing. i would say, how can this be happening again? i don't advocate my early years in attempting to get sober but the reality is that many of us had to keep beating ourselves up to get it right. i used barghaining chips-i'll keep sober unless this thing happens, etc. and many other skewed thoughts. thank goodness i was finally able to see myself as i truly was and change. this article is part 2 of the blog.

This blog will explore expectations and resentments.

Expectations
Falling short of expectations or the feeling that the alcoholic/addict is unable to fulfill what is expected can open the floodgates to relapse. Whether it is your expectations as a friend or family member or the expectations of the alcoholic/addict, expectations can become unrealistic. After all, your loved one can get swept up with that initial fast or easy recovery.
An early sense of comfort can be a honeymoon period that often falsely revolves around a happy work environment or a fairy-tale relationship. Expectations seem fulfilled at this stage, yet when the initial glow of that honeymoon subsides and reality's imperfections set in, your loved one might not know how to deal with the frustration or disappointment; hence, they may turn back to the only way they know to ensure comfort: getting high or intoxicated. It is crucial for the alcoholic/addict to keep a watchful eye on their expectations as well as the family.
Remember that the alcoholic/addict may take on Herculean tasks in an effort to prove to themselves and others how smart, strong or good they are -- or in an attempt to make up lost time due to their addiction. Hence, they might not be able to help themselves, but to over- extend in unrealistic expectations.

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/carole...b_1013361.html

I'm constantly trying to make up for lost time. And dealing with the inevitable depression that results when I cannot do everything on the list, which is an impossibility. Instead I should be setting reasonable goals, with no rewards for completion such as the drinks we used to gift ourselves for completion of this that or the other. Work should be it's own reward, regardless of whether we finish the kitchen in one day or simply clean the downstairs thoroughly so that the work will be possible.

Resentments are mentioned in that AOL article you posted. Funny I never really drank "at" someone, though I have long had a great deal of hostility to my father. I never blamed anyone for feeling the way I did (do still at times). No, I was just determined to go it alone and forget the horror of my brother's suicide, which of course ,from the outset, represented just another big damned excuse to not stay sober. My brother killed himself quickly, I was determined to take my time with it, but we both had the same goal. Today is a new day; I wish you and everyone here another sober 24.