what stops me having a drink

....it's saturday night
...it was very hot today 38 degrees c...100 farenheit for North America.
...it's new years eve..and the city is fully energised!
...I am somewhat thirsty
...I am alone
...I have lots of things on my mind (not sure what they all are...probably fundaMENTAL things)
...I am insecure as usual.
...my self esteem is treading water as usual.
...I am restless, and even nervous and even anxious.
...did I mention I was alone and thirsty?

and I am an alcoholic

I am even a little tense and dis-combobulated (funny word that)

there are plenty of ingredients there to produce a B grade alcoholic adventure...horror flick starring me. I often don't need anything from that list apart from the "I'm an alcoholic "...to authorise the whole sorry production.
so whats stopping me...?
with such a big list I know it will be dangerous!
...but it's dangerous anyway!
and thats never stopped me before.
January could float right on by as dubblemonkey becomes bubblejunkie!

It really has little to do with me?....and heres the spiritual part of it that I cannot ignore, much less explain with my feeble mortal mind...and I'm not trippin'
I genuinely feel as though I am being looked after tonight...something angelic, feels like angels....and why are they attending to me?
I believe it is because they know that I refuse to break their hearts.

All it takes is a yes for a relapse...and all I have done is say no and them awesome angels gone and done the rest.

beautiful

Wow, that's so beautifully profound... Please do something nice for yourself, you deserve a reward for saying 'no'. XOXO

sending positive vibes your way.........

Wow, dubblemonkey, you have expressed your struggle with your demons so well. I am so glad that your angels were there to protect you and won this battle.
Although my demons are a bit sketchy right now, I get to live with mine in 12 hours when our part of the world begins their out with the old and in with the new...
Thanks for the words of inspiration!
Bluemountains

the post you wrote is inspiring dubblemonkey. i'm also happy you are finding the light and have a spiritual awareness. just take it a day at a time as u've been doing. sending encouraging thoughts your way. we're here for you.

Stunning...love this!!

I would also use the very real, "I don't have any alcohol" to help back up the scenario? Going to buy alcohol would have to be a deliberate choice. My brother was/is an alcoholic and when he was having difficulties my stepmother pointed out that no one held a gun to his head and/or made him walk down the street the liquor store was on!

Yes, I sometimes go against what is "good" for me but I make sure I do it deliberately, with malice aforethought One cannot help wanting a drink when one is an alcoholic but one can help going and procuring one. There is always a choice. No one said it would ever be easy to get what one wants, just that one can choose what one wants and work toward that.