I find everything is intertwined....

Today I have a clear head...that said I am able to look inside the web I'm trapped in. It's everything really...overeating, love and sex addiction, and of course drug addiction. As I see it they all overlap each other and are due to the emptiness inside me, my lack of self esteem and dehibilitizing depression. Sure I struggle with bipolar disorder too but I'm looking at the common theme today and it seems to be lack of acceptance of myself and needing, wanting, pleading with whatever to take away the horrible feelings I have for myself. I'm finding it's not working so today I wrote in my journal the truth of what's really going on. Yay me! My "amazing" boyfriend or whatever he is is in love with crack and therefore in No Way could ever possibly love me....and so on and so forth. Ive made a decision today to write down the truth in my journal everyday until I can truly see it...so crazy that it's hard for me but that is my reality. Anyways id just like to say that for today I have woken up and will dedicate myself to healthier living woohoo until I come to that place where I am usefully whole again. I know it's out there for me and today one day at a time I'm going to get there and climb out of this web I'm stuck in. Thanks for reading this I just had to put this in writing and share it to make it true and make a commitment to myself woohoo!

"Ive made a decision today to write down the truth in my journal everyday until I can truly see it"

What a great idea! I too live in a life that gets blurred and what I did yesterday gets forgotten. If we write it down and then read the reality, perhaps we can get out of this vicious trap.

Now if we can just stick with it and not be influenced by things around us, it does sound like a wonderful plan. Some how I always have good intentions but for some reason something or some one gets in my way. I wish you the best and don't let that crack loving boyfriend bring you down. You can not compete with drugs, some how they always win, at least that is true in my case. Sorry if I sound so negative, I have said the same thing so many times and didn't stick with it. I just hope you don't make my same mistake.

Yeah, I am big into journalling too. Writing things down makes them more real for me.