[shadowalker164]

I have changed the type of music I listen to. I have a modest collection of old school blues albums (33 1/3 rpm. LP’s) Well my turntable went on the blink and it took a while for me to get around to replacing it. After setting the new one up, I fished out one of my old favorites, and spun it up. Johnny Winter’s cover of Parchman Farm.

As I listened to him singing about his woman giving him “that old pneumonia pain” the thought occurred to me as my mind shifted into sponsor mode… Johnny, my old friend, what part did you play in that sorry outcome?”

It seems that those old drinkin’ blues, the ones I used to enjoy so much as I settled into my old familiar self pity, just don’t move me like they used to.

I went through a few more… Elmore James, Howlin’ Wolf, John Lee Hooker, but it was the same. It seems that this program, this notion of being responsible for my actions won’t let me go back to that old poor me, poor me, pour me another drink mindset.

I laughed at the old me that used to take such comfort in that brand of thinking, as I slipped the albums back into their sleeves.

We grow and sometimes that growth catches us by surprise.

Richard

[Raynaadi]

Hi Richard! I just noticed this post....don't know how I didn't see it until now. I guess I wasn't supposed to see it until now. =) I know what you mean....I listen primarily to country music and man I think just every other song was written by an alcoholic. While a lot of it makes me laugh, the songs about drinking that is, a lot of makes me really see that a lot of people live solely in the problem. I love the songs that talk about the problem and then offer a solution, but most country songs are just people wallowing in their misery, not finding an answer. I still sing along because I like the tunes, but I have noticed a difference in my approach to the lyrics, that's for sure.

The growth I've seen in myself is what impresses me most about the program. The fact that it's kept me from a drink for nearly a year is amazing, but how much I've changed is truly a miracle. When I'm put in a situation that would have completely stressed me out in the passed, I'm always shocked when my heart doesn't start pounding. When my muscles don't start buring. I'm always waiting for the adrenaline rush I used to get from getting angry and it just doesn't happen anymore! It's wonderful....anyway, I love it when you post, I'd love to carry on the topic. It's nice to see some solution and happiness in this forum. =)

~Rayna

You two (Richard and Rayna) are awesome!

Getting out of that "victim" mode takes power-- especially when it feels as though everything is against you--- and you two have done that! I think that's fantastic!

Your posts are very interesting... about how a person often relates to lyrics and how those lyrics can feed into the self-pity cycle. I do tend to feel happier when I listen to more upbeat music..... hhmmm... and some say humans aren't impressionable??

And Richard.... your question--- "my old friend, what part did you play in that sorry outcome?" --- so true!!!---- we all play a part in our past-- no matter how hard we may try to blame it all on someone else-- we had a part in it too. (excluding when being a child, of course)

Kind of empowering--- realizing that my life, as an adult, is about the choices I've made. I've chosen to stay in a demeaning relationship. I've allowed myself to be emotionally injured again and again by various family members, and so many other situations with painful outcomes that I could have just not played the "victim" and it wouldn't have been so devastating. I had choices, even if just as simple as the way I let things make me feel.... I can have power over my feelings. I don't HAVE to feel hurt or attacked, demeaned or invisible. duh-- why haven't I ever thought of this before???

Thanks for posting -- you two. Much to think about.

mandy

[Fuzzybear]

Awesome thread!! Kudos to all three of you for your growth and realisations!