Growth of PTSD

I guess I've cycled through various phases of ptsd since being in combat. For years I was as angry as anyone could be, almost constant rage. And then all of that was completely buried and nothing angered me.

Since I've remembered details of csa and told about it here and since I've remembered and told some of the combat stories, the rage is pushing out a little closer to the surface again. I'm seeing some of the temper and anger on the surface. And inside, I just feel like I'm going to have to do something about it.

That anger is just kind of bubbling along right under the skin.

I seem to encounter the most stupid people in the world - bang - anger.

I run into highly opinionated people - bang, anger.

I hear the stupidity of our government - bang, anger.

I meet people with opinions based on BS - bang, anger -- how can they believe the lies they hear and make such uninformed opinions -- and then try to convince me ...

Maybe I'm returning to the anger phase of ptsd, or maybe it never left. I guess it is possible that I just put it away like I put all those csa memories away. Not even a year ago, I would have told you I didn't believe in "repressed" memories, and now I'm the victim of my own ignorance as these memories creep back out into the sunlight.

That period of anger and temper was pretty scary, so I hope this is just some kind of phase I'm going through, something not connected to ptsd. Maybe it is coincidental that this resurgence of anger appears following my telling the secrets.

Good if it is coincidence, but bad if the telling is elevating the symptoms of ptsd because I haven't even told the most miserable things yet. If it is at this level with the mild things I've told, no telling what it will be like later. Maybe I should just not tell any more.

T.

i get where you're coming from Troy.. ive tried to be mindful of those same signs within myself as ive uncovered my own repressed memories.. i will tell you, in my opinion those feelings of pain and guilt and fear and anger are no doubt related to my resurfacing repressed memories of my own... it happens almost every time i read a post here at PC, so i have to be careful and makes me more appreciative of occasional laughter relief..

i think (for me), resurfacing the memories is necessary, otherwise i would have this just under the surface anger too.. i dont like that feeling much either Troy.. i know how dark and black it is.. how red it is when it explodes

reading others kind words at PC has helped me to realize i am not the only hurting individual on the planet.. ive learned from others strengths ...

i think its very beneficial to you that you are aware of the potential unpleasantnesses associated with the ptsd feelings you are having.. it gives you an edge in preventing its uncontrolled release...

i pray that in time you can experience a lessening of the intensity in feelings you now have... i hear in your words that you wish to live free of the horrible memories and a soldiers effort is what you are showing us...

you are clear and easy to understand.. your words carry the pain you feel, but you dont unleash... praying the best for you always Troy

((((troy)))) I have no soothing words but know I am here for you anytime hon. I read the pain you are feeling. I can feel it.

Maybe the anger is actually pain.

Unleashing any of these things is scary. I know the consequences of unleashing anger. Nothing good can come of it. The same with these little flare ups of temper...nothing good can come of it.

thank you for your kind and understanding words. You are right about feeling alone in this.

t.